atreides Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 The divorce sounds very similar as to my best friend's. It also seems that Sophie is good with it. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Little children tolerate divorce much better than teens and grown children. The older the kids the more they suffer. When I hear someone with toddlers say I am going to wait till they are 18 I laugh. At age 18 they hurt much more. This is very true. It gets my panties in a wad when I hear on the OW forum that a man is waiting until his kids are older. The delay makes it worse all around but somehow the MM is seen as noble for waiting. 15 minutes on google kills that argument. Sofie is fortunate that her children are young. Kids around 10 or older (IME) don't get it (probably get lied to) and they're pissed. Link to post Share on other sites
Imported Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I have no idea where you got that from. I think she is devestated but trying ro show her remorse by not fighting the decisions her H has made. I think she is just devastated that she choose to **** a dude that wasn't her husband and got caught. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Confused48 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Some friends, i see that a lot among women especially, so called friends wanting a piece of the action. I call BS. No sex is more prone to this kind of vulture behavior than men. Men will F** their best friend's wives if they give them a second look. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruffian1 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I think she is devestated but trying ro show her remorse by not fighting the decisions her H has made. I think she is just devastated that she choose to **** a dude that wasn't her husband and got caught. I think it is a mixture of both these statements, probably both are true to some degree. Link to post Share on other sites
The dot Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I think you're just a bitter person (for whatever reason) who doesn't believe people can have deep sorrow and regret for their behaviour. Because they can. And as Sophie is not your wayward and has not made a whole bunch o excuses I don't see why people should project on to her. Be that as it may, I'm not surprised the husband left. If I'm married to someone and I catch them screwing someone else, it's over that day. No asking them for an explanation, no counselling. I'm not going to toe the line as far as monogamy is concerned if my partner is screwing someone else. It's that simple. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 As long as the numbers work out 50/50, I don't see anything wrong with it (monthly home expenses about equal to what monthly child support would be). Make sure you get "exclusive use of the marital home." When you sell, he'll be entitled to half of the equity (which is also fair). Sounds like he's not trying to take you to the cleaners. The only problem is that it expedites a divorce that you don't want. Personally, I think you do exactly that. Long divorces are bitter. Give him the fair divorce easily and focus on repairing the relatonship long-term. He might end up paying more this way. If he would just pay child support he might actually pay very little to nothing if we were to go to court. According to my lawyer my husband has a very good team of lawyer backing him. Since my husband does have proof of what I can make that would also play a part in what I would have to pa. He could fight for full custody. In short things could turn very messy. I would have “exclusive use of the marital home” to some degree they will be a few things I would not be allowed to do. Such as bring another person to live with us I would have to ask him first. Any remolding done he has to know about and agree to it. for most part very thing he asking for is reasonable. Yeah beside the point that I don’t want this divorce to happen at all. What he is offering does seem fair. I don’t think our relationship will ever go beyond that of co parents and maybe friends. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 The divorce sounds very similar as to my best friend's. It also seems that Sophie is good with it. Best of luck. I’m not good with this at all. I don’t want this divorce to go through but I also don’t want to fight with him since that could lead him to hate me even more then he already does. Sometimes you just have to admit you F’ed up and might not get a chance to fix that’s just how life works. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I think she is just devastated that she choose to **** a dude that wasn't her husband and got caught. I wrote a long post to respond to this. Then I realized I doesn’t matter what you think. If that’s how you feel then what can I do. Everyone has a right to his or her own Opinion. "Opinions are like *******s...everyone has one” 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Me and my husband had another talk mostly about the kids and how to tell them. He agreed to tell them tomorrow will we will tell them tomorrow. We will try to keep it as simple as possible. My twins are still very young and won’t understand everything going on. if when they do get older and ask for a more detail answer then I will tell them whole reason why. I also decided to tell our families about the divorce and why. My counselor thinks it best that I be the one to make it public that way my husband won’t have to be asked why every time someone sees him. They would already know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I call BS. No sex is more prone to this kind of vulture behavior than men. Men will F** their best friend's wives if they give them a second look. Some won't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I’m not good with this at all. I don’t want this divorce to go through but I also don’t want to fight with him since that could lead him to hate me even more then he already does. Sometimes you just have to admit you F’ed up and might not get a chance to fix that’s just how life works. Oh, i did not mean it that way. My comment assumes the divorce already, i was speaking to your lawyer post about being normal and you not having much issue with it. You later commented to others about the house and kids and seemed "good" with the settlement. Link to post Share on other sites
atreides Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I have no idea where you got that from. I think she is devestated but trying ro show her remorse by not fighting the decisions her H has made. See my post above, i did not mean it that way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Me and my husband had another talk mostly about the kids and how to tell them. He agreed to tell them tomorrow will we will tell them tomorrow. We will try to keep it as simple as possible. My twins are still very young and won’t understand everything going on. if when they do get older and ask for a more detail answer then I will tell them whole reason why. Oh, this reminds me of my own divorce, a number of years back. In this thread, I got some good advice and support just as we were about to tell our kids. Makes me a little sad to skim that old thread, but maybe it will be of some help to you. Incidentally, we are now... what, 8 years down the road from that moment, and the kids have never pressed for "more detail." Not that one or both of them might not still revisit it some day, but there hasn't been a lot of curiosity or inquiry. Part of that may be because even though our divorce was very much one-sided and there was another man involved, neither of us has ever pointed the finger at the other one in any way when it comes to our kids. As a result, they have pretty normal relationships with both of us. Even though I was nominally the "hurt" party in the divorce, and I could have "told the truth" in any number of ways, I wanted it this way for the good of our kids. And 8 years down the road, I'm still quite confident of that decision and its philosophical foundations. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I call BS. No sex is more prone to this kind of vulture behavior than men. Men will F** their best friend's wives if they give them a second look. That is because the word friend is wrongly used on people that one spends time with. There is more to being a friend. Most men will not bang their wife's sister, a few more will do a cousin, few more a friends wife, few more a neighbors wife. As the taboo gets weaker more will be tempted breach that taboo. However most cheaters will not $ h ! t where they eat because they know no piece of Butt is worth that much trouble when things go south. You generalized too much. Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Oh, this reminds me of my own divorce, a number of years back. In this thread, I got some good advice and support just as we were about to tell our kids. Makes me a little sad to skim that old thread, but maybe it will be of some help to you. Incidentally, we are now... what, 8 years down the road from that moment, and the kids have never pressed for "more detail." Not that one or both of them might not still revisit it some day, but there hasn't been a lot of curiosity or inquiry. Part of that may be because even though our divorce was very much one-sided and there was another man involved, neither of us has ever pointed the finger at the other one in any way when it comes to our kids. As a result, they have pretty normal relationships with both of us. Even though I was nominally the "hurt" party in the divorce, and I could have "told the truth" in any number of ways, I wanted it this way for the good of our kids. And 8 years down the road, I'm still quite confident of that decision and its philosophical foundations. Exactly what did you tell your kids that you were getting divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Me and my husband had another talk mostly about the kids and how to tell them. He agreed to tell them tomorrow will we will tell them tomorrow. We will try to keep it as simple as possible. My twins are still very young and won’t understand everything going on. if when they do get older and ask for a more detail answer then I will tell them whole reason why. I also decided to tell our families about the divorce and why. My counselor thinks it best that I be the one to make it public that way my husband won’t have to be asked why every time someone sees him. They would already know. What are you going to tell your kids that you are getting divorced? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 What are you going to tell your kids that you are getting divorced? My husband wants to keep it simple. We talk about it we both don’t know what to say to them. I was actually going to make another thread asking for advice Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I was going to make another thread but I decided just to post it here. I would like to know how other handle telling the kids about the divorce. What did you tell them and how did the react. Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I was going to make another thread but I decided just to post it here. I would like to know how other handle telling the kids about the divorce. What did you tell them and how did the react. Here's an old thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/350084-what-should-children-told Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I was going to make another thread but I decided just to post it here. I would like to know how other handle telling the kids about the divorce. What did you tell them and how did the react. The truth is always the best: Mom's and dad's when they get married they do not have a BF or a GF. Well mom had a BF and went on dates with him, and that is what is known as having an affair. The OM's name is _______. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BetrayedH Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Here's an old thread... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/350084-what-should-children-told My advice is on post 30 and still stands. My kids are doing great. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 The truth is always the best: Mom's and dad's when they get married they do not have a BF or a GF. Well mom had a BF and went on dates with him, and that is what is known as having an affair. The OM's name is _______. Both my husband and I agreed telling them something like that could do more harm than good. In the future if they ever do ask I will tell them the full truth. My twins are still not old enough to understand. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 My advice is on post 30 and still stands. My kids are doing great. I read a few post on that thread. I also read your post and it was given few ideas on how I go about telling them. I also agree with you about lying to the kids is never good. Given the current situation that might just be what is best. If they ever do ask in the future I will tell them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
troubadour Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 The truth is always the best: Mom's and dad's when they get married they do not have a BF or a GF. Well mom had a BF and went on dates with him, and that is what is known as having an affair. The OM's name is _______. Road, do you really think this is the best approch in Sophie's situation considering that her twins are only 7? I feel sorry for you.... I really do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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