Had an affair; husband found out. I disclosed and he filed for divorce

[Sofie2013]

Yes, all of this.

 

I do respect that Sophie is being honest with herself about her feelings about the future. I'm not sure she understands that her fundamental personality is not consistent with fidelity as her need to be desired, pursued, even worshiped is stronger than her need for her H and married life. I believe she is sincere with her current intentions, but as has been said many times: "the road to hell is paved with good intentions".

 

Sophie: you need to work with a counselor to try to fix what's broken in you. It's true that all women have a basic need to be desired - and that's natural. But when this becomes the only way to feed your ego and the lack of being pursued equates to "I'm worthless" you need to find out what's wrong with you and work to fix it. You will never be truly happy if you can only find personal validation through the lustful eyes of another man. It's not real admiration, it never lasts, and a time will come as you age that it will be impossible to get enough of it to satisfy you.

 

 

I will continue to work my counselor try to fix what broken inside me. I already realized something is broken I just don’t know what. I don’t know if it has to do so much with my ego and me feeling worthless. I have always had high self-esteem and confident. Recently not so much why I don’t really know and I think that’s where the problems lies.

 

Everything else you wrote I agree with

[miguelcervantes]

Interesting - the colonials are arguing about Spanish

 

Just joking - I do understand what Inspiteofitall is saying but I do not think that Sofie's husband is in that camp - rich, powerful, accomplished and wanting to get rid of his wife. My 2 cents for what its worth.

[fallingdown2013]

I will continue to work my counselor try to fix what broken inside me. I already realized something is broken I just don’t know what. I don’t know if it has to do so much with my ego and me feeling worthless. I have always had high self-esteem and confident. Recently not so much why I don’t really know and I think that’s where the problems lies.

 

Everything else you wrote I agree with

 

Sophie, talking and thinking don’t help to build self-worth. You can talk to a counselor and learn a lot, but your self-worth won’t change. Only engaging in some kind of action can help. The easiest way to starting building your self-worth is by being nice to other people and doing good things for them, especially the people you love. Your sense of self-worth will increase because you'll make your loved ones happy, and you’ll know it.

 

 

You have the power to increase the happiness of your children and ex-husband. You had this power during your marriage and you still have it now. Continue to plan to activities together like movie nights. It’s also very hard to have self-worth without a purpose in life. Perhaps, your purpose can be to do everything possible to make your children and ex-husband happy. It can be that simple and you shouldn’t expect anything in return. Your ex-husband may come back, he may not, he may find someone else, but none of these scenarios should change your objective to increase the happiness of the people you love, including him.

[sidney2718]

This is what I was getting at. I probably should have explained myself better. The fact I hurt him and children way I did play a big part why I feel like I can’t trust myself right now. It’s hard to explain but I was able to cause them so much pain without even thinking about like it. It’s hard to warp head around. Thiers an inner conflict where you don’t want to believe you did what you did but yet it’s right there in your face. Every time I wake up, go bed and he’s not there I see it. When I look at my kids I see it. Then you start yourself how and why. When you aren’t able to answer those questions you start to doubt yourself. The more you dig trying to find those answer and you aren’t able to resolve them or find the answer want you being to doubt yourself the much more to the point you don’t even recognize you who are. I know how I want to be but how I can become that person when I don’t even know who I am now.

 

Sophie, you can only take it one day at a time. You can't know the future. All you can know is what you want for the future and you've made that perfectly clear. Don't worry about not being a saint. Be true to yourself and things will be all right.

[Sofie2013]

I am Argentian of Italian descent last that I heard Argentina speaks Spanish, as boy going to Italian weddings I remember the family saying thanks God that she/he married an Italian. It took one to discover America, Maraconi invented the radio,Da vinci and the list goes on and on. Brought civilization to the world, we are a proud people whose lives are focused on building a home for the family and giving the best education for our offspring even if that means other things take a back seat.

 

Then giving a chance to a girl from the former dependencies i.e Uruguay, Chile is charitable. However what does that have to do with Rome when she's cheating? How does a family grow? When your husband is burning candles night and day in order to give a life off the silver platter meanwhile you go and cheat on him, what is H Jesus Christ pardoning the sin of the week? Would you look at that!

 

Come on an international website and say that you could cheat a fresh, well... what sense does that make? I don't what to tell you.

 

 

OMG hubby his Argentine. Although he was born in the states he had to move back with his grandparents. His grandfather native Argentine but his wife(grandmother) was born in Columbia.

 

They do speak Spanish in Argentina. Like rest of Latin America it’s not the same as Castilian Spanish. Even in Argentina there's a few different dialects.

 

I already know what I did to my husband doesn’t have an excuse. I know I hurt him in ways I will probably never understand or comprehend. I can’t change what happen if I could I would but I can’t. All I can do is help him move forward hopefully it’s with me if not then I still wish him the best. I still love him a great deal and I want him to be happy.

[thummper]

Don't give up, Sofie. If your hubby is latin, as you say, his masculine pride has suffered a terrible blow. But, it looks like he's wavering in your favor. You must be one h3ll of a woman to pull that off. You're firmly established in his heart, and he's unwilling to let you go. What a great joy, an early Christmas gift to you both. If you both hang on, you'll both rejoice with the results. Here's to a hopeful and joyful 2014!

[Snipercatt]

I'm not little! I was a 4 letter athlete in college standing 6'3, strange meh educated

 

InSpite, I don't think the poster was referring to size, but rather personalidad.

Edited December 20, 2013 by Snipercatt

[miguelcervantes]

Miguel after this post I'm going to cancel my membership account however before I do I'm going to reminisce.

 

Mott st and mulberry st in little Italy just outside the Ravenite also the fish store you'd see the gumadas (girlfriends) lined up waiting to go inside. The men wore shark skin suits, but the best was the women wearing sun dresses and the shoes, high heels with precious stones, sunglasses and silky blonde hair.

 

On their delicate wrists were diamond encrusted bracelets it was like looking at a painting, I felt despair how I longed for the chance to dress one of those blondes like a Christmas tree. The Romans said that if the face was level meaning that from the chin to the forehead that person was beautiful its cultural for me. Unless a lady has those features I don't want to be seen in public with her who wants a fish face on their arm? Forgetabouit...

 

I couldn't afford one of those girls back then, even though they energized me and took my breath away never did it occur to me that one day I might be the guy entering the club with a lady on my arm. forgetaboutit... Understand where I'm heading. Anyways thank you for the kind comment.

 

I do understand inspiteofitall! Really I do and can just picture the scene you describe although here in the UK we are a lifetime away from that scene.

 

Although you might say its a case of "Amor con amor se paga; y lo demas con dinero." - I am not a complete believer in this. Good luck and take care.

[Sofie2013]

Well today is then day. Hubby texted me he would pick me up around 6. I’m super excited. It’s been so long since we actually been on a date. I’m trying not to get my hopes but I can’t help but be excited.

 

My mom should be here any minute to come pick up the kids. So I won’t have to worry about them I usually don’t like leaving them with babysitter.

[Sofie2013]

Don't give up, Sofie. If your hubby is latin, as you say, his masculine pride has suffered a terrible blow. But, it looks like he's wavering in your favor. You must be one h3ll of a woman to pull that off. You're firmly established in his heart, and he's unwilling to let you go. What a great joy, an early Christmas gift to you both. If you both hang on, you'll both rejoice with the results. Here's to a hopeful and joyful 2014!

 

Yeah he is Latin but doesn’t really fit into the classic Latin male. He spent a lot of traveling with his grandparent. So he very culturally diverse. His did take a hit for sure.

 

This is a great early Xmas gift but it’s just a date for now hopeful we do build on this a reach a point where we both can be happy with each other

[BetrayedH]

Buena suerte, Sofie.

[miguelcervantes]

Buena suerte, Sofie.

 

ditto: Y disfrutar

[Sofie2013]

So the date went great I had a blast it was so much fun. The diner party itself was boring. To my husband they are always boring and only attend because if he doesn’t then it looks bad on his part. I on the other had I always liked going it was a great way of meeting new people. This time it was really boring and food not so good, the music not that great either. We decided to leave after a few hours. I was kind disappointed since the night wasn’t going how hoped. As we were leaving his friend came up to us and asked if we wanted to join him and his girlfriend they were going to a lounge. My husband actually decided to go. This is when the night stared to pick up. We all went had a few drinks nothing serious. The lounge had a little dance floor. Hubby asked if I wanted to dance and we did. We both love to dance but it’s been awhile since we went out dancing, it was fun. He actually one few guys I have ever dance with that actually better than me. We did leave the lounge pretty late.

 

He dropped me off and I was able to get to stay the night. We both were a little buzzed and I didn’t want him driving and since we took a cab to the dinner party. And he has the twins Saturday and Sunday why just wait for them. He agreed we actually stayed up a little longer we talked and I made some sandwiches. We did get a chance to talk about us. He asked a few questions about the affair he already asked most before I had no problem answering them. I also got a chance to ask him a some question I have wanted to ask him. Overall it was a great night I even got I good night kiss on my forehead.

[aliveagain]

Glad it well, there is still hope.

[Raven3321]

Beautiful. Heppy for you.

[happyman64]

What are you giving your H for Christmas Sofie?

 

How are you both handling the holiday with the boys?

 

HM

[Sofie2013]

What are you giving your H for Christmas Sofie?

 

How are you both handling the holiday with the boys?

 

HM

 

For Christmas a got a north face jacket and two gift certificate Skydive Long Island. It’s a sky diving place in eastern long island it was a little pricey but from what I heard it’s worth the money. I know he’s going to love it.

 

We are doing it similar to how we did for thanksgiving. He has had the boys since Saturday and he supposed dropped them off tomorrow at my mother house. I already told him he could spend it with me and my family if wants and same goes for his brother. Hopeful they both stay it won’t be that much fun without them

[Christ is Love]

I applaud you for telling the truth. After infidelity, the truth must be told. It gives the other party a true foundation to make a decision one way or another. Truth is the foundation for rebuilding. I pray things work out for you to keep your husband. Take care

[manticore]

WTF are you talking about? mixing stories and thoughts.

 

how that story is related to this one?

[peruano99]

Yeah he is Latin but doesn’t really fit into the classic Latin male. He spent a lot of traveling with his grandparent. So he very culturally diverse. His did take a hit for sure.

 

This is a great early Xmas gift but it’s just a date for now hopeful we do build on this a reach a point where we both can be happy with each other

 

Are you and the other guy latin as well? And wait your husband cheated on you early in the relationship?

Edited December 26, 2013 by peruano99

[Lokahi117]

I also believe it's a husbands pride and ego that don't let him reconcile. So much of a mans whole being is measured by him as a sexual man. If a woman has totally great sex and orgasms many times, the man will feel like he is the king of the world. Like he is the best man in the world, and nothing can shake his confidence in that moment. He is the most masculine and ready to do anything, completely confident.

 

This is why when his woman chooses to have sex with a other man, the exact opposite of all I said above rings true. Even for those of us who are very confident and get a lot of female attention, still get knocked lower than we have ever been when this happens.

 

This is why so many men get hurt so badly by the physical aspect of the affair, it rocks a man to the very core of his being. It makes him question all things about himself. It's very common for the man to think there must be something wrong with him, that's why his lady had to go elsewhere.

 

So I believe your husband is doing most of this because of his pride.

 

I have been thinking that for me, my ex coming onto me very hard is very ego rebuilding. Her whispering in my ear that she wants me so bad, that she has got to have me, etc etc almost never fails to end us up in bed together and I can tell you that as a man it goes way better than the woman playing coy and shy and not taking charge of trying to seduce her man. This is because I, as a man having been wronged, will feel even more weak if I have to pursue the same woman who wronged me, who chose to give herself to anther man. But if she pursues me hard, and really wants me, it helps to repair the damage.

 

 

I only say all this because most women won't pursue their man hard. They play it coy, and shy, and often a man doesn't even feel wanted. It seems as though the women just allowed it to happen. And this is damaging for power dynamic aspect of sex for a man.

 

Ask almost any man and he will prefer if a women was coming onto him hard than having to chase her. Especially if he is already in a relationship with her. He needs to feel like she wants him as a man. As a purely sexual man.

 

Wow.......not sure how all that came out when I started this post just to tell Sophie that I as bh, and always hoping for good news in her story. Maybe I just thought fear of reprisal has kept me from saying what I believe on here a lot of times, and I think Sophie is worth hearing what I believe would help her situation. I know men.....I talk with so many of them on the levels of being a man and sexuality and I hear a very common themes from almost all of them......sometimes I wish woman were as easy to figure out and please as a man is.

[Lokahi117]

Forgot to subscribe to thread

[peruano99]

I also believe it's a husbands pride and ego that don't let him reconcile. So much of a mans whole being is measured by him as a sexual man. If a woman has totally great sex and orgasms many times, the man will feel like he is the king of the world. Like he is the best man in the world, and nothing can shake his confidence in that moment. He is the most masculine and ready to do anything, completely confident.

 

This is why when his woman chooses to have sex with a other man, the exact opposite of all I said above rings true. Even for those of us who are very confident and get a lot of female attention, still get knocked lower than we have ever been when this happens.

 

This is why so many men get hurt so badly by the physical aspect of the affair, it rocks a man to the very core of his being. It makes him question all things about himself. It's very common for the man to think there must be something wrong with him, that's why his lady had to go elsewhere.

 

So I believe your husband is doing most of this because of his pride.

 

I have been thinking that for me, my ex coming onto me very hard is very ego rebuilding. Her whispering in my ear that she wants me so bad, that she has got to have me, etc etc almost never fails to end us up in bed together and I can tell you that as a man it goes way better than the woman playing coy and shy and not taking charge of trying to seduce her man. This is because I, as a man having been wronged, will feel even more weak if I have to pursue the same woman who wronged me, who chose to give herself to anther man. But if she pursues me hard, and really wants me, it helps to repair the damage.

 

 

I only say all this because most women won't pursue their man hard. They play it coy, and shy, and often a man doesn't even feel wanted. It seems as though the women just allowed it to happen. And this is damaging for power dynamic aspect of sex for a man.

 

Ask almost any man and he will prefer if a women was coming onto him hard than having to chase her. Especially if he is already in a relationship with her. He needs to feel like she wants him as a man. As a purely sexual man.

 

Wow.......not sure how all that came out when I started this post just to tell Sophie that I as bh, and always hoping for good news in her story. Maybe I just thought fear of reprisal has kept me from saying what I believe on here a lot of times, and I think Sophie is worth hearing what I believe would help her situation. I know men.....I talk with so many of them on the levels of being a man and sexuality and I hear a very common themes from almost all of them......sometimes I wish woman were as easy to figure out and please as a man is.

 

 

So you didn't get back with your ex for what she did?

[Lokahi117]

Not yet, but I am still seeing her, and I can promise you that if she made me chase her, I wouldn't bother. I have several other females who chase after me to a point that I don't think ID go out of my way to chase my ex. But because she still pursues me so hard, she has succeeded in seducing me many times and it always seems to bring us closer each time.

[Sofie2013]

check out Mrs.Scarlett on the on thread if its Sofie? she says that H already has a girlfriend, Sofie has broken two social contracts first cheated on H. Then blatantly states to the world that she might do it again! Well... What kind of remorse is that. Now if she wants H to break the new social contract which he has with his new girlfriend what does that say about her morals?

 

 

I don’t know about the other thread but as far I as I know my husband doesn’t have a girlfriends and if he does, he hasn’t said anything to me about it. I also never said I will cheat again. What I said was I don’t trust myself not to cheat again. Something broken in me and I find to what that is. And whatever my husband does with any women is none of my business now since we are separated and heading to a divorce. So whatever he does I don’t want to know about.