Had an affair; husband found out. I disclosed and he filed for divorce

[Trimmer]

Wait hold on Sophie..did your husband actually take you back now? No offense, but tell me he didn't. Tell me that if he ever tried to you would shut him down because you have realized you aren't the right woman for him. Since it is so very rare for the cheater to realize their spouse deserves better even if the spouse stupidly does not. It would give me a lot of hope for the future.

Ha ha, really? "Prove to me that you're a good person by trashing everything you're hoping for, otherwise you're just like all the rest..." That's not advice, that's emotional blackmail. No offense.

[janedoe67]

Wait hold on Sophie..did your husband actually take you back now? No offense, but tell me he didn't. Tell me that if he ever tried to you would shut him down because you have realized you aren't the right woman for him. Since it is so very rare for the cheater to realize their spouse deserves better even if the spouse stupidly does not. It would give me a lot of hope for the future.

 

What exactly is the point of a post like this? Let's be honest grow ups; thi is more about the mindset this poster has chosen then Sophie's situation.

[violet1]

Wait hold on Sophie..did your husband actually take you back now? No offense, but tell me he didn't. Tell me that if he ever tried to you would shut him down because you have realized you aren't the right woman for him. Since it is so very rare for the cheater to realize their spouse deserves better even if the spouse stupidly does not. It would give me a lot of hope for the future.

 

She made a bad decision and is working her butt off to become a better person and wife that her husband deserves. I get that you had bad experiences with cheating, but one size does not fit all. I personally would rather take a truly remorseful cheater back than start off with someone new who you have no clue will cheat on you or not. It seems like you're motivated to bring down every cheater on here no matter what that person's circumstances are.

Edited January 5, 2014 by violet1

[peruano99]

I wouldn't take a cheater back, but Sophie is doing good so far.

[tiredofitall2]

I wouldn't take a cheater back, but Sophie is doing good so far.

 

Peruano, nunca digas de esa agua no bebere.

[janedoe67]

Peruano, nunca digas de esa agua no bebere.

 

Google translate is great.

 

 

It's always interesting when people are 100% sure of what they "would" do. I was the best parent on earth until I had kids, for example.

[Sofie2013]

Sophie: I hope your Christmas and New Year's were OK. It has been a while since we've heard from you. I trust everything is all right?

 

My new years was great. I went church with my family and kids. I stayed for the sermon and left with my two sisters and youngest sister husband. My parents watch the kids. We went to the club my husband, BIL and brother were having a big new years bash. At first my husband did try to avoid me somewhat. I took the advice of one poster and became a little more aggressive in my approach. It actually worked out pretty good. I think at first he was kind of put off by it but after awhile he opened. We sent most of the night with each other dancing, flirting and drinking with each other. We all also were kind of physical imitate for the first time since he moved out. We shared a few very passionate kisses/making out at least I felt that way. I didn’t go beyond that. He would take me home later. It was a great night over all and a great way to end the year. It was definitely the best night I had in a while I really can’t remember the last time at much fun.

[Sofie2013]

Wait hold on Sophie..did your husband actually take you back now? No offense, but tell me he didn't. Tell me that if he ever tried to you would shut him down because you have realized you aren't the right woman for him. Since it is so very rare for the cheater to realize their spouse deserves better even if the spouse stupidly does not. It would give me a lot of hope for the future.

 

 

On he hasn’t taken me back yet I hope he does.

 

 

I probably did the worst thing I could have done to my husband. It was stupid, selfish it will always be the biggest regret of my life. Still I would love to have a chance to make it right. Will I get one I don’t know but I’m going to do everything in my power to get another chance. Could he find some one better maybe? Their so many people in this small world that anything possible. Deep down I do believe we are meant to be together and I know can become the women he deserves

[tiredofitall2]

On he hasn’t taken me back yet I hope he does.

 

 

I probably did the worst thing I could have done to my husband. It was stupid, selfish it will always be the biggest regret of my life. Still I would love to have a chance to make it right. Will I get one I don’t know but I’m going to do everything in my power to get another chance. Could he find some one better maybe? Their so many people in this small world that anything possible. Deep down I do believe we are meant to be together and I know can become the women he deserves

 

 

Sophie, sometimes it's best to ignore posts that are meant to judge and point fingers. No one is perfect and imperfection comes in may ways, shapes and forms. Perhaps this particular poster has never cheated, but I'm sure he has done many, many regretful things. We all have! Keep fighting for what you believe in.

[georgyboy]

On he hasn’t taken me back yet I hope he does.

 

 

I probably did the worst thing I could have done to my husband. It was stupid, selfish it will always be the biggest regret of my life. Still I would love to have a chance to make it right. Will I get one I don’t know but I’m going to do everything in my power to get another chance. Could he find some one better maybe? Their so many people in this small world that anything possible. Deep down I do believe we are meant to be together and I know can become the women he deserves

You will Sofie. I think you know your husband really does love you.

Good advice from Loki

Edited January 6, 2014 by georgyboy
addition

[sidney2718]

My new years was great. I went church with my family and kids. I stayed for the sermon and left with my two sisters and youngest sister husband. My parents watch the kids. We went to the club my husband, BIL and brother were having a big new years bash. At first my husband did try to avoid me somewhat. I took the advice of one poster and became a little more aggressive in my approach. It actually worked out pretty good. I think at first he was kind of put off by it but after awhile he opened. We sent most of the night with each other dancing, flirting and drinking with each other. We all also were kind of physical imitate for the first time since he moved out. We shared a few very passionate kisses/making out at least I felt that way. I didn’t go beyond that. He would take me home later. It was a great night over all and a great way to end the year. It was definitely the best night I had in a while I really can’t remember the last time at much fun.

 

Great news Sophie!

 

Don't forget, you have a large cheering section here. We wish you well!

[peruano99]

I wish every woman who did a mistake of having an affair would be like Sophie and be truly remorseful and trying to work things out.

[Sofie2013]

I wish every woman who did a mistake of having an affair would be like Sophie and be truly remorseful and trying to work things out.

 

 

 

I do think some people do feel truly remorseful after a period of time it could a take minutes or years. Everybody who’s in an affair knows it’s wrong but knows like to be wrong so you continue those bad choices. I think a lot of them try to fake it to you make it and when you can no longer fake it that’s when everything stars to fall apart and the remorseful becomes really. Even then you have people who refuse to admit they were wrong.

[Sofie2013]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has posted. All of you have been a great help and have given me a great amount of support. It really means a lot thank you.

[Chi townD]

You're doing fine girl. Keep doing what you are doing and try to incorporate your husband as much as possible into the family as you can.

 

Are you two still doing the co-parenting counseling sessions? And, if so, has he opened up a little more to you? The best thing you got going right now is that he's slowly being more comfortable being around you and your family.

 

You never said how he liked his Christmas presents. How did that go over?

 

I know that the divorce is looming. I think, for his own pride, he needs to see this through. But, it doesn't mean that this is the end. Just keep that in mind. Because, when the divorce becomes a real thing, it's going to hurt. The depression, crying and panic attacks are going to be a real thing. But, you need to keep strong.

 

To be honest with you, I'm a little surprised that given how well New Years Eve went, he didn't try to ring in the new year with a "bang" if you know what I mean. But, good on you for not pushing the issue. Always remember that you're on his time.

[peruano99]

I do think some people do feel truly remorseful after a period of time it could a take minutes or years. Everybody who’s in an affair knows it’s wrong but knows like to be wrong so you continue those bad choices. I think a lot of them try to fake it to you make it and when you can no longer fake it that’s when everything stars to fall apart and the remorseful becomes really. Even then you have people who refuse to admit they were wrong.

 

There are some people who are still in love with the Other man/woman though. That's what I meant.

[georgyboy]

You're doing fine girl. Keep doing what you are doing and try to incorporate your husband as much as possible into the family as you can.

 

Are you two still doing the co-parenting counseling sessions? And, if so, has he opened up a little more to you? The best thing you got going right now is that he's slowly being more comfortable being around you and your family.

 

You never said how he liked his Christmas presents. How did that go over?

 

I know that the divorce is looming. I think, for his own pride, he needs to see this through. But, it doesn't mean that this is the end. Just keep that in mind. Because, when the divorce becomes a real thing, it's going to hurt. The depression, crying and panic attacks are going to be a real thing. But, you need to keep strong.

 

To be honest with you, I'm a little surprised that given how well New Years Eve went, he didn't try to ring in the new year with a "bang" if you know what I mean. But, good on you for not pushing the issue. Always remember that you're on his time.

 

With respect Sir, I do not agree that a divorce is required to salvage Sofies' husbands pride. That is a life sentence for a serious but none the less naive transgression for which she is deeply sorry.

For those of us who suffered a similar situation, there are many, including myself, who did not divorce but learned to love and trust again.

Please Mr. Sofie give yourself some time and be very very sure of what you want to do.

I wish you both happiness.

[Scott Thomas]

With respect Sir, I do not agree that a divorce is required to salvage Sofies' husbands pride. That is a life sentence for a serious but none the less naive transgression for which she is deeply sorry.

For those of us who suffered a similar situation, there are many, including myself, who did not divorce but learned to love and trust again.

Please Mr. Sofie give yourself some time and be very very sure of what you want to do.

I wish you both happiness.

 

That depends on her husband. 'What's required' depends on his personal intentions. On a further note, I'm glad to see that they're making progress.

[Sofie2013]

You're doing fine girl. Keep doing what you are doing and try to incorporate your husband as much as possible into the family as you can.

 

Are you two still doing the co-parenting counseling sessions? And, if so, has he opened up a little more to you? The best thing you got going right now is that he's slowly being more comfortable being around you and your family.

 

You never said how he liked his Christmas presents. How did that go over?

 

I know that the divorce is looming. I think, for his own pride, he needs to see this through. But, it doesn't mean that this is the end. Just keep that in mind. Because, when the divorce becomes a real thing, it's going to hurt. The depression, crying and panic attacks are going to be a real thing. But, you need to keep strong.

 

To be honest with you, I'm a little surprised that given how well New Years Eve went, he didn't try to ring in the new year with a "bang" if you know what I mean. But, good on you for not pushing the issue. Always remember that you're on his time.

 

We try to do something as a family at least once a week. When we stared out the family day activity it was usually me who planed everything but lately he’s been the one coming up with the ideas and planning them. He hasn’t really opened in co-parenting counseling. We mostly keep it about the kids and nothing more.

 

I actually have to thank you guys again for the idea. He loved the gift. He hasn’t been able to go yet because of the weather. He super excited about trying.

 

Yeah the divorce should be done sometime this month. The divorce itself doesn’t really scare. The effects it could have are what’s freaking me out. I don’t know what he going to do when everything is finalized. I try not to think about I knew I have to stay strong.

 

Honesty I wasn’t planning on going to the party. I was planning and shave spend new year’s with kids and parents. My two sister forced me go I’m glad they did. When we got their he was flirting and hanging out with other girls and I was just looking from a far. I actually reread what Lokahi. Didn’t really have anything to lose so I decided to give it a try and it worked. He might have not gone out with a “bang” but he had fun and enjoyed himself. You could have seen it by the look on his face

[drifter777]

Sophie - even if the progress you are making at regaining some respect from your husband only improves your relationship as parents to your children than all of your efforts will have been worth it. Don't ruin that if it turns out he really doesn't want the relationship you are hoping for.

[happyman64]

Sophie - even if the progress you are making at regaining some respect from your husband only improves your relationship as parents to your children than all of your efforts will have been worth it. Don't ruin that if it turns out he really doesn't want the relationship you are hoping for.

 

More importantly b the best woman and mother you can be.

 

Build yourself backup to the person you were when he married you.

 

He is hurting. He is lost too!

 

Sure he might start dating.

 

Just maybe he will see in you the person you once were reborn.

 

You two are in the early stages of this new relationship.

 

Make it what you want it to be.

 

HM

[Sofie2013]

Sophie - even if the progress you are making at regaining some respect from your husband only improves your relationship as parents to your children than all of your efforts will have been worth it. Don't ruin that if it turns out he really doesn't want the relationship you are hoping for.

 

 

Whatever happens I want my kids to be able to be around us and spend as much time with us as possible. The best way to do that is to try to get us back together if that not possible then next best thing is to build the best co parent relationship we can. If everything I’m doing now helps in the least then it was more than worth it. As of now my kids happiness comes first.

 

If thing don’t go the way I want them to then I will just have to deal with that when the time comes. First and foremost I want my husband to be happy in whatever he chooses I hope its to be with me if not then that’s ok too. I really love him and I want what’s best for him and for him to be happy. I have always wanted that and still do. Sometimes we don’t get second chances.

[tiredofitall2]

Whatever happens I want my kids to be able to be around us and spend as much time with us as possible. The best way to do that is to try to get us back together if that not possible then next best thing is to build the best co parent relationship we can. If everything I’m doing now helps in the least then it was more than worth it. As of now my kids happiness comes first.

 

If thing don’t go the way I want them to then I will just have to deal with that when the time comes. First and foremost I want my husband to be happy in whatever he chooses I hope its to be with me if not then that’s ok too. I really love him and I want what’s best for him and for him to be happy. I have always wanted that and still do. Sometimes we don’t get second chances.

 

Sophie, have you written an apology letter for your H? I would do this without adding any reasoning or excuse for the affair. I would also list the reasons why you want him back and how you feel for him and your family. I would suggest you do it by hand BTW.

 

Compliment that with more subtle flirting as you can and other ways to show how much you love him and are attracted to him. Don't over do it as it can lose it's effect and come across as manipulative or fake. But keep working on his ego in all these ways. If you massage his ego you will get back in.

[Sofie2013]

Sophie, have you written an apology letter for your H? I would do this without adding any reasoning or excuse for the affair. I would also list the reasons why you want him back and how you feel for him and your family. I would suggest you do it by hand BTW.

 

Compliment that with more subtle flirting as you can and other ways to show how much you love him and are attracted to him. Don't over do it as it can lose it's effect and come across as manipulative or fake. But keep working on his ego in all these ways. If you massage his ego you will get back in.

 

I have written him two letters. The first one I give him was late September. It was to apologize and show how sorry I was. At the time he knew about the affair but hadn’t confronted me yet. He also wasn’t talking to me yet so I used the letter as a way to communicate with him. The last one I send was when he was moving out it was similar to the first one but a lot more begging and pleading. Both letters were done by hand. I don’t know if written him another would do anything at this point I do have a journal I stared writing in I might give it to him someday don’t know yet.

 

I tried the subtle flirting for a while and it worked. He has always responded well for the most part. I’m going to go the direct route right now and see what happen. He knows I want him so why be around the bush about. I don’t think it would be manipulative if I’m genuine.

[tiredofitall2]

I have written him two letters. The first one I give him was late September. It was to apologize and show how sorry I was. At the time he knew about the affair but hadn’t confronted me yet. He also wasn’t talking to me yet so I used the letter as a way to communicate with him. The last one I send was when he was moving out it was similar to the first one but a lot more begging and pleading. Both letters were done by hand. I don’t know if written him another would do anything at this point I do have a journal I stared writing in I might give it to him someday don’t know yet.

 

I tried the subtle flirting for a while and it worked. He has always responded well for the most part. I’m going to go the direct route right now and see what happen. He knows I want him so why be around the bush about. I don’t think it would be manipulative if I’m genuine.

 

Agreed, no mo letters or pleading. Now be seductive