Had an affair; husband found out. I disclosed and he filed for divorce

[Sofie2013]

Hey Sophie can you speak or understand spanish? Since you said your husband is Hispanic.

 

 

We both can speak and write Spanish. I lived in Spain most of my childhood.

[Sofie2013]

That's a shame that he had to stop because of injury. I love the sport (for some of us it is in our blood ), even though I am now too old to do what I used to. I also love the way the latin Americans play - I have strong connections with Brazil but the way that Argentinians play is truly passionate too (that Spanish/Italian and local mix!)

 

Maybe he should help coach youngsters now - infuse them with the passion.

 

 

It is a shame but part of me was happy it happened. If my husband never hurt he would’ve had a different life.

 

My husband really isn’t that old he could still play. He’s still in good shape and goes out running, to the gym a few times a week. I even asked a few times to start playing but for some reason he’s scared. I never really played expect a few years in high school. I always preferred to watch. One of my dreams is to go to a world cup. My husband has already been to 2 and he was thinking of going to Brazil.

 

I think my husband would like coaching. He already spends a lot of time teaching our boys how to play.

[tiredofitall2]

Sophie, would you say you were ever in the affair fog? I know realizing the OM was a POS and your husband finding out woke you up, but I'm curious about the difference of the fog between men and women. I for once felt I was done with my W and only woke up after she went and had her own A. Now she seems as she has awaken, but I wonder if she really is over OM. I'm still D her for other reasons. Well, mainly because she hasn't really demonstrated the level of remorse I did.

 

Of she was doing like you are doing I would take her back in a heartbeat. She blames me for her A and I suspect she blames me for it not materializing into a more serious R. At least when all crumbled, but now she's being very nice to me and even said we could be together if it weren't for other complications we had due to OM.

 

I won't budge and I won't take less than a sincere apology and true remorse. I did it first, but I stripped from my pride and I did everything in the book to make it right.

[Sofie2013]

Sophie, would you say you were ever in the affair fog? I know realizing the OM was a POS and your husband finding out woke you up, but I'm curious about the difference of the fog between men and women. I for once felt I was done with my W and only woke up after she went and had her own A. Now she seems as she has awaken, but I wonder if she really is over OM. I'm still D her for other reasons. Well, mainly because she hasn't really demonstrated the level of remorse I did.

 

Of she was doing like you are doing I would take her back in a heartbeat. She blames me for her A and I suspect she blames me for it not materializing into a more serious R. At least when all crumbled, but now she's being very nice to me and even said we could be together if it weren't for other complications we had due to OM.

 

I won't budge and I won't take less than a sincere apology and true remorse. I did it first, but I stripped from my pride and I did everything in the book to make it right.

 

My affair with the exmm I never made any strong emotional connection. At the time I did feel feelings of love toward him(mm) but never actually loved him. I never planned or ever thought about leaving my marriage. We both just used each other to. With all that said I was in fog for most of the affair. Never once during the affair did I think the Exmm was POS. I really thought he was a good guy just made bad choice like me. Well now that I know his full story and I can see him for what he really is yeah he’s a total POS. When my husband found out it really was slap back to reality.

 

 

I haven’t read your story yet so I really can’t comment on you’re wife. Depending how much time it’s been since the affair end. At first I felt more of shock of getting caught not the actually cheating. After awhile and I stared to realize what I did is when I stared to feel true remorse. It doesn’t happen over night. You always feel sorry but for different reasons.

[tiredofitall2]

Different situations, but her feelings fit OM an her statements are similar. Her A lasted about as long as yours and she will admit to being hooked on him, but minimizes any real emotions or connection.

 

Now she's coming around, but it's unlikely she will be as remorseful as you as she sees me as being at fault most likely.

 

I ask because I know women are far more involved emotionally when in As. I know people and situations are different, but am considering giving it another shot before throwing in the towel. Especially sinse we have a 4yr old DD.

[miguelcervantes]

It is a shame but part of me was happy it happened. If my husband never hurt he would’ve had a different life.

 

My husband really isn’t that old he could still play. He’s still in good shape and goes out running, to the gym a few times a week. I even asked a few times to start playing but for some reason he’s scared. I never really played expect a few years in high school. I always preferred to watch. One of my dreams is to go to a world cup. My husband has already been to 2 and he was thinking of going to Brazil.

 

I think my husband would like coaching. He already spends a lot of time teaching our boys how to play.

 

What a great gift to give each other! See you in Brazil ? Besides you cannot help but get naughty in Brazil with him - such is the nature of the water there. By the way, will you be supporting Argentina or Spain ? (or maybe even the USA ???)

[miguelcervantes]

Different situations, but her feelings fit OM an her statements are similar. Her A lasted about as long as yours and she will admit to being hooked on him, but minimizes any real emotions or connection.

 

Now she's coming around, but it's unlikely she will be as remorseful as you as she sees me as being at fault most likely.

 

I ask because I know women are far more involved emotionally when in As. I know people and situations are different, but am considering giving it another shot before throwing in the towel. Especially sinse we have a 4yr old DD.

 

Not the same situation here at all TOIA. Read your threads - you had an EA - your wife followed that with multiple EA/PA's and blamed them on you! Your stbxw has a personality disorder - even if she demonstrated true remorse (which she hasn't) I would still be concerned and probably divorcing.

[tiredofitall2]

Not the same situation here at all TOIA. Read your threads - you had an EA - your wife followed that with multiple EA/PA's and blamed them on you! Your stbxw has a personality disorder - even if she demonstrated true remorse (which she hasn't) I would still be concerned and probably divorcing.

 

Mine did end up in PA before hers. With STBXW it's all tit fit tat. She's a tough one. I did put her through the wringer though and she lost a lot of weight and all the rest while I was WW.

 

Sofie, is wiser and doing right things. My W is just subliminally reaching out, but her pride gets in the way.

 

I, like S's husband am Latin and we are particularly proud when it comes to infidelity. I think he will come around if she keeps up the good work.

[Sofie2013]

tiredofitall2

 

Does your wife know you want to reconcile. Have you told her you want to reconcile.

 

I don’t think it so much of her pride that’s getting in the way but she might still be hurt by your affair. Whatever the reason is you should still talk to her and find out if you guys could make it work. Sounds like to both of you made mistakes

[Sofie2013]

What a great gift to give each other! See you in Brazil ? Besides you cannot help but get naughty in Brazil with him - such is the nature of the water there. By the way, will you be supporting Argentina or Spain ? (or maybe even the USA ???)

 

 

LOL I would give anything to go Brazil with him during the world cup. We actually went to Argentina for the Copa America in to 2011. We went with the kids all of us had a great time it was also the last family vacation we went on. Yeah Brazil going to be crazy I would totally go if I could.

 

I always support Spain and USA. I fell kind bad about the group they were placed it might be a short trip for them. My kids on the other had are Argentina all the way just like their dad but they still like the USA too.

[miguelcervantes]

LOL I would give anything to go Brazil with him during the world cup. We actually went to Argentina for the Copa America in to 2011. We went with the kids all of us had a great time it was also the last family vacation we went on. Yeah Brazil going to be crazy I would totally go if I could.

 

I always support Spain and USA. I fell kind bad about the group they were placed it might be a short trip for them. My kids on the other had are Argentina all the way just like their dad but they still like the USA too.

 

Well said and as it should be!

Dad & kids - Argentina; Mum - Spain (and of course, USA for both)

 

Some views:

 

Brazil vs Mexico (my family is going to be split here) - for me, Brazil all the way

Spain is going to beat Netherlands, Chile etc - Viva Espana for me

Argentina have a breeze through - give me a break!

USA will have a tough time - Portugal (yay) and Germany will see to that

And as for my England - tough time with Italy, Uruguay & Costa Rica, but I have faith in the power of 3 lions! Go England!

 

Everybody Samba!

[aliveagain]

This has been explained 40 pages ago. Explained at least once per page. This is beating a dead horse.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your last paragraph has nothing to do with the post that I quoted and commented on. Inserting a bit of truth does not make the nonsense that you wrote above that true.

 

He is not helping her with advice. He is kicking her down every chance he can get.

 

His help is warped. You think what he is offering is help then your thinking is just as warped.

 

Road, If you think my thinking is warped do us all a favour and don't comment on my replies, I'll do my best to stay off yours. Sofie, I was born into "Old World" and the point I was trying to get across is he waited for you to talk to him about your infidelity but you didn't. He wanted to see you do some crawling regardless of what he already knew or had in the works. To save face he may divorce you but not necessarily leave you, he wants the best for his child and introducing them to a future step mother or father isn't the best for his child. His actions show that he still loves you. I think he wants to see more from you.

 

Sofie please believe me when I tell you that I really hope that things work out for you and your husband. I hope he forgives you regardless of how that looks. I am not intentionally kicking you down just pointing out things that have to be dealt with before he(your husband) can move on.

Edited January 21, 2014 by aliveagain

[Sofie2013]

Ok well hobby’s here right now. The kids had early dismissal due to the weather. He offered to pick them up and drop them off. He was planning on leaving but I conceived him to stay since it’s been snowing since the morning. He agreed it really wasn’t that hard to get him to agree. So far everything is going great I made us lunch early and I have dinner cooking right now. I plan to go all the way tonight if he’s ok with it. I have been flirting and touching throughout the day. So when make my move it won’t be out of the blue. So nervous wish me luck.

[georgyboy]

Good luck Sofie.

[fallingdown2013]

Good luck, Sophie!

[miguelcervantes]

The best of luck Sophie! I am sure you don't need luck and will wow his socks (and pants) off. Just use your Latin seduction skills!

[aliveagain]

Remember "When Harry Met Sally" let that be your inspiration. Good Luck.

[Sofie2013]

Update

 

Well last was amazing. I really don’t know how else it was simple amazing for me. We all eat dinner together as a family. After diner we went into the living room and played few video and board games. The twins were a little more hyper usual. A. ll of us had a good time.

 

After we put the kids to sleep I hinted and made clear pass towards him he didn’t give in. He went in to the guest room (where he’s sleeping). I we both went to sleep in different room. I was going call it a night but I decided to go to his room. Long story short we had sex last night and early in the morning. It was extremely passionate, intimate and he was very dominate. So it was a great night. I woke up before him and made us a light breakfast just Spanish hot chocolate and sweet bread. We eat it together in his room. Everything was great I really couldn’t ask for a better night. He although become a little more distant later in the day. I don’t really know why. It wasn’t like he was angry and mad since he did stay for most of the day spent with me and the kids. He even give me a kiss before he left. Besides that’s everything went great.

[tiredofitall2]

Update

 

Well last was amazing. I really don’t know how else it was simple amazing for me. We all eat dinner together as a family. After diner we went into the living room and played few video and board games. The twins were a little more hyper usual. A. ll of us had a good time.

 

After we put the kids to sleep I hinted and made clear pass towards him he didn’t give in. He went in to the guest room (where he’s sleeping). I we both went to sleep in different room. I was going call it a night but I decided to go to his room. Long story short we had sex last night and early in the morning. It was extremely passionate, intimate and he was very dominate. So it was a great night. I woke up before him and made us a light breakfast just Spanish hot chocolate and sweet bread. We eat it together in his room. Everything was great I really couldn’t ask for a better night. He although become a little more distant later in the day. I don’t really know why. It wasn’t like he was angry and mad since he did stay for most of the day spent with me and the kids. He even give me a kiss before he left. Besides that’s everything went great.

 

Good job! Keep working his ego. Be subtle and don't over do it as to not come across as desperate or even worse fake.

 

Think about little things he likes and do them for him. Keep paying attention to little details. He will feel taken care of and cherished. This will inspire to do the same for you. It will take some time but things will fall into place.

 

He needs to know that you are his and his alone. As a woman you will know how to communicate this to him with your actions.

[Trimmer]

Everything was great I really couldn’t ask for a better night. He although become a little more distant later in the day. I don’t really know why. It wasn’t like he was angry and mad since he did stay for most of the day spent with me and the kids. He even give me a kiss before he left.

I don't necessarily find it surprising that he might have retreated within himself a bit after that night. Look at it this way: it was a significant night for you and for how you see the possibilities in your relationship, wasn't it? Well, can't you imagine that it must have also been significant in his mind and heart, too? He may well be re-assessing his path, his role overall, as well as his choices the night before. It wouldn't surprise me if he needed a little quiet time for introspection and consideration.

 

I wouldn't try to interpret it beyond that - he could be a little upset with himself that he "gave in", or he could be thinking "you know, things seem to be clicking again...", or anything between. Don't overthink this one thing, because it will drive you crazy. Keep on task, but I agree with tiredofitall: don't overdo it. Make sure everything you do is genuine, natural, and from the heart, and he will reveal his intentions over time.

[Fluttershy]

Whatever u do don't get impatient!!!! Try to keep enjoying it because that will give of a good "vibe".

[ChooseTruth]

Ok well hobby’s here right now. The kids had early dismissal due to the weather. He offered to pick them up and drop them off. He was planning on leaving but I conceived him to stay since it’s been snowing since the morning. He agreed it really wasn’t that hard to get him to agree. So far everything is going great I made us lunch early and I have dinner cooking right now. I plan to go all the way tonight if he’s ok with it. I have been flirting and touching throughout the day. So when make my move it won’t be out of the blue. So nervous wish me luck.

 

Did you say, "Baby, It's cold outside" ?

Kelly Clarkson - Baby It's Cold Outside ft Ronnie Dunn - YouTube

[BeholdtheMan]

He although become a little more distant later in the day. I don’t really know why.

 

He's fine with using your body for sex if you offer but he doesn't want to emotionally invest in someone who's cheated on him

[janedoe67]

I gotta say I agree. People who think you aren't "trying" because you haven't gotten him in the sack clearly do not understand the typical male mind. Having sex with you is NOT a guarantee of recovery, and getting him to have sex sure as heck isn't some talisman of commitment. Be there for him and keep showing remorse and change, but yes, respect his pullbacks.

[Scott Thomas]

Well, at least you've made some progress. Get proactive and start planning for events that would allow you to spend time together with your children e.g. going to an amusement park, a Sunday picnic, football practice etc.