stormywind Posted December 2, 2004 Share Posted December 2, 2004 Originally posted by Joyce Stormywind, Sweetie he is married. Your going to end up hurt even more in the end. Whether you trust him or not. Tell him you will be together after he gets divorced. I know how addicting the rush and how good the feeling can be. It's a bad situation to be in. It doesn't matter now because he blew me off. Not saying he won't turn up again (most people have told me he probably will) but right now it's not a factor. What I was trying to say was that if I knew he was a liar that would make getting over it easier. However, in the case regarding sex with his wife, I think he was truthful. It's possible she has a reason for stopping it--not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Originally posted by stormywind What I was trying to say was that if I knew he was a liar that would make getting over it easier. However, in the case regarding sex with his wife, I think he was truthful. It's possible she has a reason for stopping it--not sure. Hey Storm...let me make this easier for you then. He IS a liar. You know it. He lies to his wife...he's undoubtedly lied to you to gain sympathy and to make you feel better about your relationship with him. I have no doubt that did lie about what things were like between him and his wife. That happens in a vast majority of affairs. So, based on that....drop him and drive on friend. Try to get over him, and find somone better! Link to post Share on other sites
stormywind Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Originally posted by Owl Hey Storm...let me make this easier for you then. He IS a liar. You know it. He lies to his wife...he's undoubtedly lied to you to gain sympathy and to make you feel better about your relationship with him. I have no doubt that did lie about what things were like between him and his wife. That happens in a vast majority of affairs. So, based on that....drop him and drive on friend. Try to get over him, and find somone better! I guess I'm not getting what he lied about????? Link to post Share on other sites
Bella Mia Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 How do I handle it? I don't think about it. I keep the affair in perspective. I knew what I was getting into, and where I stand as the other woman. For now I am ok with it. He is in a relationship with someone else. I do not have to be witness to what they do or don't do, so it is easier not to think about it. I would rather he is not with her at all, but he is, so it is not an option letting it affect me If I want to continue being with him.. When and if it does affect me, then the problems in our relationship will begin, the dynamics will change and become very complicated. . And no doubt the affair will get messy and end. Or the story book version, he will then leave his GF to be with me and we will live happily ever after. An affair is different from a committed relationship because it doesn't carry the same burdons and responsibilites. Once that bridge is crossed, there is no going back to the way it was. Link to post Share on other sites
StayAngry Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I am willing to bet over half of us are on this site because we want: (a) a reality check (b) our worst fears confirmed cheatersrsad: my comment about the kids was not meant to come across as selfish. I have a child of my own. It was meant to convey that I accept fully that he has responsibilities to his children, which I respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by stormywind I guess I'm not getting what he lied about????? Stormy- He's lied consistently to his wife about his relationship with you, yes? And if he can lie like that to someone who has known him intimately for years, then what does that make him? A skilled LIAR. If he's willing to lie to her to keep his relationship with you a secret so that you two can continue, then what odds would you give that he'd lie to YOU to accomplish the same goals? I have no doubt that he's lied to you about anything that he needed to just to ensure that your relationship stays the way it is. Think about it. He doesn't want to lose you...you know that. You know that he'd do anything he can to keep you...to include lying to someone he once loved as much as he loves you. Ergo...he'll say and do anything to YOU to keep you as well. That could well include lying about his relationship with his wife...making it sound much worse than it really is at home, telling you that she means nothing to him when she really does (why else would he live this dual life???), telling you that the two of them never have sex (when in truth, he's in heaven, cause he's got TWO women instead of one!). I realize that you didn't sleep with him...I'm using that as a point tho. You asked the question about why we would assume that ALL MM still have sex with their wives...interesting point. But, look at the odds, and look at what's going on, and its a good bet that ALMOST all of them are. And if you would like to take that angle...while not all MM are having sex with their wives while in an affair, there is one thing....they are ALL lying to their spouses about what is going on. Your MM is no different...but you're not likely to see that until something happens to shock you back to reality. That "in-love" phase in a relationship isn't reality. Link to post Share on other sites
stormywind Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by Owl Stormy- He's lied consistently to his wife about his relationship with you, yes? And if he can lie like that to someone who has known him intimately for years, then what does that make him? A skilled LIAR. If he's willing to lie to her to keep his relationship with you a secret so that you two can continue, then what odds would you give that he'd lie to YOU to accomplish the same goals? I have no doubt that he's lied to you about anything that he needed to just to ensure that your relationship stays the way it is. Think about it. He doesn't want to lose you...you know that. You know that he'd do anything he can to keep you...to include lying to someone he once loved as much as he loves you. Ergo...he'll say and do anything to YOU to keep you as well. That could well include lying about his relationship with his wife...making it sound much worse than it really is at home, telling you that she means nothing to him when she really does (why else would he live this dual life???), telling you that the two of them never have sex (when in truth, he's in heaven, cause he's got TWO women instead of one!). I realize that you didn't sleep with him...I'm using that as a point tho. You asked the question about why we would assume that ALL MM still have sex with their wives...interesting point. But, look at the odds, and look at what's going on, and its a good bet that ALMOST all of them are. And if you would like to take that angle...while not all MM are having sex with their wives while in an affair, there is one thing....they are ALL lying to their spouses about what is going on. Your MM is no different...but you're not likely to see that until something happens to shock you back to reality. That "in-love" phase in a relationship isn't reality. Link to post Share on other sites
stormywind Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Stormy- He's lied consistently to his wife about his relationship with you, yes? And if he can lie like that to someone who has known him intimately for years, then what does that make him? A skilled LIAR. How did he lie to her about me? He only talked to me or saw me at work mostly. 3x it was outside of work and wasn't for long. The topic of me wouldn't even have come up with his wife for him to have to lie. It's not like we had a full or even a half-relationship. If he's willing to lie to her to keep his relationship with you a secret so that you two can continue, then what odds would you give that he'd lie to YOU to accomplish the same goals? I have no doubt that he's lied to you about anything that he needed to just to ensure that your relationship stays the way it is. Think about it. He doesn't want to lose you...you know that. You know that he'd do anything he can to keep you...to include lying to someone he once loved as much as he loves you. Ergo...he'll say and do anything to YOU to keep you as well. He doesn't care if he loses me--he doesn't even want to talk to me. I'm nothing to him. He messed with my emotions and then decided to just cold shoulder me. He doesn't care that he hurt my feelings. I went back to work today after being off for awhile. I wanted to run into him just to blow him off---but I didn't get the chance to. We do work in the same bldg. but not same company. Chances of just running into him aren't that great. I'd like to see him face to face just to let him know he shouldn't mess with people like he did. I'm debating if I should talk to him face to face or not for being a jerk to me, but that would make him feel too important I think. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Stormy- You two kissed and such, yes? Did he tell his wife? If he didn't, then that is a lie by omission, and you know it. Put yourself in another position for a moment...if you were married, and your husband kissed another woman in the same manner he kissed you, but didn't tell you, how would you feel? Even though he didn't say anything...its a lie by NOT telling her. Put it another way...why would you want to be involved with a man who would do such a thing when he's married regardless? Obviously he's NOT trustworthy, relationship-wise. If this was a one time thing...then walk away. He's a jerk, he played your emotions, or at least wanted to make himself feel good by getting you to kiss him, and now he's wanting nothing to do with you. I'll make this my last post on the subject, so you don't feel like I'm trying to browbeat you. What you do is your decision...I'm not sure what else you need to know to make your choices. You said it would make you feel better to do this if you knew he was a liar...well, a lie by omission is still a lie. Regardless of definition, he's not someone I can imagine anyone really wanting a relationship with. Done posting. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
KissMyTiara Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Originally posted by cheatersrsad StayAngry: You said that you could deal with "the family life and the kids" just not him having sex with his W. WOW...I honestly had to just sit at my computer a few seconds after reading that. I wonder if his kids are sleeping better knowing that the OW can deal with them? That was by far a very selfish and scarry comment. So, my fellow women are now not only cheating but are whining about their self-made situations and now they are giving "passes" to the poor, affected children. Grow up, get your own unattached man (hopefully one with no children). Originally posted by StayAngry cheatersrsad: my comment about the kids was not meant to come across as selfish. I have a child of my own. It was meant to convey that I accept fully that he has responsibilities to his children, which I respect. Yeah, I think you misconstrued StayAngry's statement. For example, when I first met my MM, he told me he had children (he lied about the W, said he wasn't married). I thought to myself, "Hmm, do I want to date a guy with kids already...??" I liked him enough, so I thought, "Yes, I can deal with them." "Handle," "Accept," "Go ahead with this situation even though kids makes this relationship a bit more sticky," etc. - that's what she meant by saying she could "deal" with that. The thought of a man having children, holding down a job, paying a mortgage, taking care of ailing parents, etc...these are all "obstacles" to a romance with a man, and they are obstacles that most women, when they want to be with a man, are willing to "deal" with. In StayAngry's position, the thought of a MM going home to his children, to take care of them, feed them, bathe them, read them stories, take them to get shots, go to PTA meetings...that's all stuff that the OW can "deal" with. It's an obligation and responsibility separate and apart from his "romantic love" for the OW. Now, on the other hand, going home to the W, to take care of HER, to hold, hug, and love HER, to tell HER about his day - to the OW, recognizing this is like a slap in the face - it means that MM is sharing his romantic self (other than this "father" self) with someone other than OW. THAT is what hurts like a mother. Link to post Share on other sites
StayAngry Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Bravo KissMyTiara, could'nt have said it better myself. It is still selfish, because who am I after all? I am The OTHER Woman, not the First Woman, not The Wife, but the Other. Doesn't stop it hurting though, when you love someone as much as I love him, and when it seems that it is reciprocated in word and deed. So, yes, this relationship has reached that stage where the dynamic has changed. I want more, it's no secret, and thats when the paw-paw hit the fan. Link to post Share on other sites
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