Tayla Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I was blessed ten years ago with a grandson. His parents divorced when he was two. Thru a few years of turbulance and visitations...My grandson has been a part of my sons' family thru out. My grandsons' Mother is a drama queen. So It goes with much strife that every now and again she creates havoc. The most recent of which is: This past weekend my son and his new wife of three years were invited to a social function. They asked if I could tend to my grandson ( they happened to have visitation rights this weekend). It was being held at a nice hotel. They had a "sitting" room set aside for my grandson because it was an adult held reception. All seemed to fair well. My other son - who is my grandsons' uncle stayed with him as well so he could play some nintendo games. I also was tending to my new granddaughter who is 6 months. What I perceived to be a well maintained environment and a few bouts of trying to settle my granddaughter ...She was fussy from the loud noises in the halls.. Long story short....My grandson goes home and tells his mom that I abandoned him at one point and locked him in the room. Then I supposedly took my granddaughter for a walk and was smoking in her presences. Neither is true, yet sure enough I get a call from my grandsons's dad , my son. He is extremely upset that I did those things. When I explained that its not true, he precedes to be accusing me . I professed time and again that when I did leave the room with my granddaughter to walk her thru the hallways, that my grandsons Uncle was with him. He was never without adult supervision. I am heartbroken that my grandson made such a false statement and now the family is torn. I get that my son wants to believe his son and rightly so he should question the validity. Yet I am tired...beyond tired of being made to be the irresponsible party in this matter. I conveyed to my son that his ex wife can certainly call me so we can discuss this, yet somehow I do not think she would be reasonable at all. I am just so tired of being falsely accused and its hurting my relations with my son and my grandson. Where do I go from here? Stop all visits entirely? I feel like I am the child in that I have to have "adult" supervision to be around my grandson ....Any suggestions? I'm truly baffled why my grandson said such a thing... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayla Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 I'd sincerely welcome feedback on this matter. I realize some are not in this position at present and have years til grandparenting comes about. It still carries a level of across the board recognition of how to deal with communication, misunderstandings amongst family and ultimately ways of resolving. If it helps any , I did get out of my own way and wrote a civil email to convey some empathy towards the scenario. It had to be hard for my son to confront this ordeal and try to weed thru fact verses fiction..... Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Kids lie sometimes when they're little, we all know that. As parents we correct them. They lie about outlandish things that are obvious , or school stories that we think sound exaggerated . Whatever they lie about, they do it to get a reaction. Because of the circumstances between his two families, and maybe because his Mom is a drama queen, he probably knows a lie like this will get a reaction. What he doesnt know is that although other types of lies are corrected or ignored...a lie about another adult, gets an action. Consequences for someone else. He probably hasn't put together that there were any consequences to his lie, because they aren't happening to him. So, that might be why he lied, but doesn't help you solve the problem. Defending yourself constantly is not a healthy position. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayla Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 Thank You 2beSure. I sincerely do not think my grandson intentionally "lied" so much as he distorted the nights events. Not defending him so much as trying to give him some leeway to his interpretation of events. He was without his medication so that can sometimes interfere with his mindset.... As my son said...."I only heard this information from His Mom, I need to hear from him what the day entailed". Oddly my Aunt said the same thing on defending...To stop it and learn to walk away when things like this are spewed. If one truly knows its not the truth, you don't need to fight it, you allow it to be and speak for itself. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 I have a career in the not glamorous at all part of politics. Depending on who I'm working for, people either love me or hate me. And then, I get traded to another team and it starts again. Accusations against me and my own against others are ...basically just every day conversation. So, I stopped defending myself years ago. Just stopped. Ignored the accusations and kept just doing my job. There were no repercussions, no one lost respect for me (at least not based on that), and people did not assume my silence meant consent. I generally don't defend myself now, because after all...we answer to ourselves alone really. Is this something your grandson might outgrow? Do you suspect he has the drama gene? How is your relationship with your son? Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted October 9, 2013 Share Posted October 9, 2013 Children know when their parents are divided and it certainly creates attention when they tattle on one to the other or exaggerate even. I have had the most difficult time with my 3 children from my previous marriage going back and forth between Dad and I and creating havoc for the attention and (I suspect) a sense of telling the adults what they want to hear for sympathy. It has nearly torn both Dad and my families apart. I'm sorry this is occurring in your family. It is however appropriate for your son to contact you about the matter, and not his ex wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tayla Posted October 9, 2013 Author Share Posted October 9, 2013 2sure- He doesnt really carry about in drama fashion, He's doped up mostly by the meds his mother has gotten a doctor to prescribe. Its sad really. He is a charming and above average in intelligence. Yet I am inclined to think that he see's and hears things his mother says about His FATHERS side of the family...that some of it gets misdirected in ways that are not true. Tinktronik-Yes it is appropriate for my son to openly address the concern. Reckon I just wanted to clear the air with his X wife as she is Blurred in her reality check on how WE ( the father's side of the family) treat and adore my grandson. For now and probably weeks to come I will not be around my sons' family. He needs to sort this out and no doubt will receive a letter from her lawyer on this recent incident. True or not she'll make my Son appear to be the BAD father for allowing me to babysit. I would like to say she is a good mother and is only doing this to protect her son...but she really only carries the biological title of Mother...she isn't near capable of being loving to my grandson. She actually treats him as a burden ... Link to post Share on other sites
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