Sister Trouble!!

[swedeace]

I am quite a mean and unhappy person to my two-year-younger sister. I don't know why!! I tell myself I won't be, but then everytime my sister and I get into a misunderstanding or don't see eye-to-eye it gets to me SOOOOO much! Then I feel like I crack like dynamite! There are times we just cannot get along and I feel like she cannot understand me at all! It just sucks! We have everything different in likings: I love comedy shows, she gets tired of them easily (I sleep in the living room and I like to watch what I want to watch since it's kinda my room), I hate her music, we have different views on opinions, etc.

 

For instance, we got into an ugly verbal argument just about an hour ago while driving back home! She's in class now, but she just dropped me off at home. From my defense, if she asks me something and I refuse to answer or say a satisfying answer, she flies off the handle!! Then, we are constantly saying, "I thought you said this" or "I misunderstood." Or, I feel like I have to explain what I said so I would settle the argument.

 

Then, I later regret it. I apologize to her, What's stupid is that we're adults, and my mom is sick and tired of seeing us/hearing us argue. I cannot stand my sister. She is lucky because she has several friends she can consider "best" or "good" friends. People I encounter are always too darn busy that feels like pulling legs just to greet them, it seems. All my friends (past, present and perhaps future) are always busy! I never have the luck of finding friends who can just give, at least, a stupid email! Am I just jealous of her? I think it's a bit way beyond this - and more like we are just WAY too different.

 

I can totally see what you mean about "learning not to change others." I do realize that concept, but there are times when I don't see myself falling into that at the heat of an argument. I feel there that my sister must also learn that she can't change me or my thoughts either.

 

For instance, she has always been so sarcastic! Even when we're talking and kinda arguing about something, she'll throw it at me much like Roseanne/Darlene from "Roseanne." Now, that show is just fake and is funny, but when it occurs in real-life conversations, it gets sickening and annoying!

 

It seems that since last weekend, my sister and I have been arguing worse than usual! I always tell myself, "Today is 'day one' of us not arguing." I really, really try my best, but then when I fail, I feel like a total failure. She is getting sick and tired of it!

 

I mean, I can see how my sister gets easily upset with me also on other things. I'm the lazy one in cleaning She isn't, so we argue over that too. She is younger, but she feels like she is the bigger sister, unfortunately. I don't know. There's so much depth to this.

 

So, not every adult sibling gets along well? I ask because my mom and sister keep telling me, "Grow up! You're already and you should be getting along!" I mean, that's sad. But I hate it when my sister says, "I'm stressed out because of you arguing." I don't always start an argument! Argh, then we argue over that.. see how endless this loop gets?

 

The thing is we do not hang out...rarely, but it's far and in between. She is the type to go out with friends who tend to stay up late. I'm not much of a late outing person. We are mostly together when we drive to work/school (we share a car for the time being), and we live together with our mom. She gets annoyed because she always asks me, "Why don't we talk-talk?" I tell her I try but then I feel like my feelings later get used or retaliated against me, and surprise, surprise - we argue over that too! This is why most of my online Acer friends know more about my personal life than my sister. I feel I have to be careful with what I tell her. It's sad, but that's how I feel.

 

Sometimes I'd rather just be online more than clean up totally. I'm a slob, I guess. But then I have to walk on egg shells because then my mom and sister come home and yell at me because I "haven't done anything since they left." Shame on me! I have to be less online, I guess.

 

I know I am a TV hog with the TV in the living room. I just cannot stand and really do not want to watch what she wants and I wanna watch what I want to watch! - comedy shows! Call me selfish, but I can't let it go! I feel I have to watch what I want to watch. She is tired of the comedy shows and wants to watch educational channels like the History Channel. I love educational stuff too but not on TV! I would prefer reading about it, and she's different. We just like opposite things all the time!

 

I sleep in the living room. If she does watch TV, I then want to be online (...and the computer is also in the living room) listening to my music. I am a self person, and I know it. I just have a hard time admitting it to my sister.

 

What really irks me about my sister is that her beliefs are always around a set timeline of how she thinks it should be. For instance, she's always comparing herself with others: someone younger than her age already has a career, someone under her age is already married, knows what they want to do in life, etc. Then, she tries to apply it with me. I do not see things like she does in this respect. So it's annoying how she brings this up in conversations and arguments. I just roll my eyes.

 

If... and I repeat... IF anyone has any advice or tips how I can bite my tongue and fake a smile to get along better with my sister, please DO share!! I NEED it!! I am already at my wits end and just sensely cry over this. I feel I am NOT happy with my life these days... Any advice, please???

[Merin]

My advice, and I don't want to sound like an a**h*** here.. but for real.. this is your sister, you're both grown!

 

You know your sister probably better than anyone else.. and you know exactly what buttons to push as she does with you.. the 2 of you are spending so much time noticing the differences between the 2 of you and NOT listening REALLY listening to one another that it isn't a wonder you don't get along.

 

My Sister is older than myself.. and you know what.. we are complete opposites in just about everything there is. However, I respect and love her for the person she is, not the person I would have her be.

 

There comes a time when the sibling competativness needs to come to an end.. that you learn to appreciate the differences in one another and accept that it's okay to not want or need the same things in life.

 

Life is short.. and one day you will really want and need your sister in your life.. someone who knows all your flaws, issues, quirks and loves you in spite of those.

[Lil Honey]

Since both of you are adults, you both should be looking inward to see what you can do to improve the relationship from your own standpoint. I'm sure that there are books available that deal with the subject.

 

You said yourself that you want to watch only the TV shows that YOU want to watch. Is it YOUR TV? It might be in the room where you sleep, but if it isn't yours, then you have to share. If the computer and music doesn't mesh well being in the same room as the TV, then move it to another room. Maybe, until the two of you can grow up a bit, you will have to take turns with the TV. You get two hours, then she gets two hours. Or you get Monday through Wednesday and she gets Thursday through Saturday. BTW, what happens when your mom wants to watch TV, is there an arguement then, too?

 

I've told my kids this a thousand times, "Just remember, your sibling may be the only person you have to lean on someday."

 

lil Honey

[tattoomytoe]

move out. you will appriciate her and your mother more, plus you really pratice acting like an adult. not to mention watch what ever tv show you wanted, listen to your music.

 

this is a classic sign that you both need to grow up and move out!