hew Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 Im in my second year of university... should be all rays of sunshine and what not, but it isnt. I live in a small apartment with a roommate.. but she is very anti social and never leaves her room and its very weird living there. I never lived on residence so i never really made any friends at school which is hard. My best friend just got a boyfriend a month or so ago and i hardly see/hear from her anymore and she has no time for me. It sucks because i would never do that to her.. i would make time for her because she will always be important to me. I talked to her and all that but nothing makes a difference. My house in my home town is for sale because my mom is moving in with her boyfriend and i just had to give up my dog because we cant take care of her anymore. I cant even explain all the feelings i have.. i have dealt with depression for 5 or 6 years now and it gets hard to live with. I just wish i could make a close friendship with someone... someone who is cool to hangout with and not judge mental and gossipy and someone who is down to earth. I sometimes think about self harm again to relieve my pain. I used to always hurt myself but im starting to fall back into my bad habits. I'm always miserable and angry and i wouldnt want to be around me either if i was someone else... but i have no choice but to deal with myself. I wish i was happy, i know happiness is a choice and some days i try my hardest to work towards it but it always fails. I take my anger out on the most important person to me which is my mom... i only have her since my dad is a complete ******* and has nothing to do with me. I havent seen him in 3 years. I get so angry and i dont know why. I hate myself too which doesnt help. I could rant for ages but it does no good, i cant even clearly express myself in this post. I just want to know im not alone, i dont know if there is even advice i could get from this, but letting it all out and just having other people respond sometimes helps a lot. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr Scorpio Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I just want to know im not alone, i dont know if there is even advice i could get from this, but letting it all out and just having other people respond sometimes helps a lot. You are not alone. Unfortunately, you are not in the best situation, being forced to spend so much time alone. There are two ways I could envision dealing with this. One, use the fact that you are in college as a way to meet people. Depending on the size of your college, there are likely dozens and dozens of students far-away from home who are just as lonely as you are. Also, your school likely hosts all manner of social events. With some effort and some luck, you could have an extended group of friends by the end of the school-year. The other way? Try and develop a sense of comfort in your own company. The "normal" tract is to develop friends in college, meet a guy, have 2.1 kids and a girls night out and be happy. However, it is also entirely possible that you don't meet that guy, and that what friends you do have eventually get married off, leaving you alone, but 5-10 years older. In other words, even if you do make a dozen friends over the next few months, they likely won't be there forever. Thus, being able to enjoy your own company becomes an important ability. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 (edited) I felt very lonely and out of place when I was in college also, so I can relate. I think you are being your own worst enemy by telling yourself that nobody would want to be around you. I pushed away a lot of potential friends by thinking that way. Truth is, people can be very forgiving of our faults if they see the good in us, and they will see it if we show it. What do you normally do to relieve stress? Is there counselling available at your school? Edited October 7, 2013 by SpiralOut Link to post Share on other sites
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