blueberry13 Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 background: this year alone I have been enlightened about various inappropriate behaviors. Things were somewhat better and I have been working on mentally reviving trust. Now I am informed about my husband going on a guys trip for work once again but it's not business, just a fun opportunity to bond with others guys in the same business and it will be a long partying weekend in Brazil...the same guy inviting him has invited prostitutes to join them in the evenings at crazy clubs and parties. Knowing this, am I supposed to be OK with this. I'm married 17 years, must this continue? I have no proof of cheating but his desire to go on these trips without me is there. I tried to politely address my feelings with my husband and he got angry and feels it is OK for healthy couples to hang in clubs at least every month and a half. He actually said to me "I don't need to stare at my wife 7 days a week. You need to trust me." How am I supposed to feel good about this upcoming trip or feel nothing about it, it's bothering me? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 I would tell him that he's more than welcome to go, but if he does, you're going to change the locks. It is not appropriate at all for a married guy to hang out at crazy clubs and parties with prostitutes. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueberry13 Posted October 7, 2013 Author Share Posted October 7, 2013 I appreciate all your opinions, thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
white Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 "Guys trip" is a phrase men want want women to believe (and really to believe themselves also) means some nebulous kind of masculine bonding (protip: beyond teenage years, men don't bond, we don't care to bond, we just at best get along tolerably well). In reality it always means one of two things. One the one hand, it means they're desperate to get away from you. You should know if you're such a pain he wants to do this. On the other more usual hand, it means one way or another they want to go and do something they don't want their SO's knowing. Could be anything from hookers and blackjack down to loutish humour and unreformed sexist attitudes. Whatever they know would upset you. Many of my friends are married. One of them would organise "guys trips" with us to go camping, fish, drink cider and call each other racial epithets all weekend. Another would organise "guys trips" with one other guy who owned a bunch of fast cars and they'd go off and bang women at car race events. You're probably OK with one of those and not the other. To blow my own trumpet, because it's fascinating to me how reasonable I am, that I have deliberately considered and learned to be, and yet how very single I am compared to so many dickheads with girlfriends and wives who just **** up, **** around and get away with it with them - when I used not to be single I offered my girlfriends to come to everything I did and everywhere I went. There were no guy trips and my friends were their friends. Then they're free to come or not come of their own accord. Link to post Share on other sites
Minnie09 Posted October 7, 2013 Share Posted October 7, 2013 background: this year alone I have been enlightened about various inappropriate behaviors. Things were somewhat better and I have been working on mentally reviving trust. What kind of inappropriate behavior? I am not saying guys can't go on guys' trips. But it always depends of what kind of a marriage someone has. If it's balanced and the W goes on girls' trips, no problem. If that's how your M works, then that's how it works. In this case, however, it doesn't look like there's a balance. Whatever inappropriate behavior the OP might be talking about, her H has caused trust issues in the R. That means that there's been secrecy and violation of trust already. Married guys have no business going to Brazil for a fun bash. Hello? That smells like hookers, other women, strip clubs and getting hammered. Why don't they go to Canada fishing? Exactly. Because going to fishing won't serve the purpose. So ask yourself, if they want to "bond", why do they go where they go? Brazil? C'mon. Please. Can it be any clearer? The W will be disrespected, more than she's already been disrespected, that's what's gonna happen. And yes - other chicks will be involved. Duh. So premeditated, too. Disgusting. Oh and BTW......your H's reaction to your concerns is absolutely uneccaptable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blueberry13 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 Yes I think this trip will be the ultimate in disrespect. he is validating it through the necessity of building business relationships. Some of you have it exactly right. There is nothing wrong with occasional guys nights out or guy trips. He does do the fishing trips, I do not have a problem with that. I just feel crazy late night partying and drinking in night clubs and especially on this upcoming one when I've been informed the guy they are meeting with hires prostitutes to join for the night. Now let's say giving him the benefit of the doubt, he is not partaking (hope I don't sound naive) I still feel disrespected knowing he will be acting like playboy for a long weekend in an environment I'm sure no wives would appreciate.... Thank you everyone for helping me clarify my thoughts.. Link to post Share on other sites
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