Women HELP Me !!! This is a repost to my earlier question but asked differently

[answerman]

In a nut shell ladies, my question. 5 years ago I purchase a diamond for someone I was going to ask to marry me. After a year we decided not to get married and the ring was returned.

 

For the past 3 years I have been dating someone that I would like to spend the rest of my life with.

 

Here's the question. The diamond I purchased 5 years ago is wonderful and I put a lot of thought and time when choosing it. I consider it a symbol of the love I have to give, (not the love for a particular women).

 

That being the case would it be ok to give this symbol of my love to the women I would like to spend my life with. Or should I sell it and buy a new one?

 

I agree a new setting would be appropriate. The setting size is different and setting style would be different because of the difference in their personalities.

 

Remember the symbolism of the diamond for me is (The LOVE I have to give, not the love for a particular women)

 

Does it really make sense to take the diamond back to the dealer and get an exact copy of it (no physical difference between 2 diamonds and the 3 C's ) and pay $2500+ (the 4th C) just to get a new receipt.

 

Is that really the cost of love and symbolism as some described, or is it just throwing money over your shoulder or at the dealer just for a receipt.

 

Your thoughts please

[tiki]

Yeah, um, my thoughts are the same as what I posted in my last post.

 

I'm trying to understand why you posted again???

[Lonestar]

Does she know this diamond exists? Does she know you still have the rock you had bought for someone else? If you plan on giving it to her in a different setting and telling her where the diamond came from, that's a total NO NO. You could give it to her and not tell her you're recycling (which you are), but you'd have to live with that "secret" and keep it a secret for as long as you're married to the woman.

 

For most ladies, that knowledge won't sit well in their stomachs. Or here's how you can solve your problem right here.... ask her if she cares. Oh wait, I'm guessing you want it to be a surprise.

 

Sometimes what you don't know won't hurt you. That's all I can really say about this. If you plan on telling her, then just get a new rock and stop trying to figure it out.

[quankanne]

no matter how much a person loves you, he or she will not look kindly on being given second-hand goods that once belonged to your ex. ESPECIALLY if a marriage proposal comes attached to it!

 

my advice? get a ring that meant just for your lady, even if it means investing a paycheck or two. If you think she's special enough to propose to, then she's sure as heck special enough to warrant a ring of her own, not a hand-me-down from a former lover.

 

hang on to the first ring, sell it, give it away. at some point, if you're still wanting your gal to have it, offer to let her put the stone in a new setting. That way you've recycled the rock, but to her liking. Better yet, recycle it yourself: create a ring that you can wear.

[answerman]

Thank you Tiki for your reply on the other post which you said you agreed with Henco's comments which I copied below.

 

"I think it would make me rather upset to wear a diamond for the rest of my life, well, not just a diamond.. but an object that once signified your love and comittment for another woman"

 

My point of reposting was to clairfy that the object represents the "Love" I have to give, not the commitment to the other women. Why would it be any different reusing a stone in a new setting that was a family heirloom. Doesnt the stone represent The "Love" of the giver in both cases.

 

Another way to put it. Does a stone which is an heirloom only represent the love for a paticular women, (the original women it was given to) If so, how could anyone give it to another women? or does the stone represent the "Love" the giver has to give.

[Pocky]

Why did you have to start a new thread? It is so GD irritating to see a conversation diverge into two different threads. If you wanted to clarify your post then clarify it in the same thread. It's difficult enough to have a discussion on a topic on a message board without splitting the opinions in two.

 

Just give her the freaking diamond.

[Debster]

My engagement ring was my husband's grandmothers. It was someone else's - however their marriage lasted.

I would not want a ring that was purchased for another woman and that relationship failed.

In my opinion, it seems like you are focusing on the $ and not the emotions. That is the exact opposite of what many women would want.

 

BTW, $15,000 for a diamond ring is a bit excessive IMO. That would be a nice downpayment on a house.

[tiki]

So lemme ask you this...if you had an expensive bedroom suit with the ex, would you want a new one for your new marriage?

[answerman]

Thank you Pocky for your reply.

 

I did try to repost in the original thread but for some reason could not.

 

thanks again for you opinion.

[Anais]

The ring belonged to his ex together with his heart one day. Right?

 

Now. If the ring is "second hand", still remainder of ex. ..is his heart second hand too? That is part of his heart and belongs to the woman whom belongs his heart. Makes sense?

[answerman]

Thanks for your responce

 

In answer to your question,

 

No, a new bedroom Suit? (furniture) would not be needed. Nor would a new bed or sheets unless they were dirty. LOL..

 

Were would it end, new towels, new wine glasses, new sofa, New House ??? etc....

 

Now a new toothbrush would diffently be a requirement. Thus a new setting.

[tiki]

Originally posted by answerman

Now a new toothbrush would diffently be a requirement. Thus a new setting.

 

Haha

[Anais]

We had discussion with my husband about it once. I told him: Why you need to give me a new one? Take it from ex and give it to me. (He knows I am never serious, but actually I was. LOL ) So he said: No honey you are better so you get a better one. Isn’t it sweet?

[answerman]

Thank you for your responce

 

Answering your question,

 

My heart is "NOT"" second hand.

 

My love is for her is real and true. The symbol (diamond) I choose to show my love was just giving to the wrong person the first time.

[Anais]

My heart is "NOT"" second hand.

 

So the ring you gave it to an ex one day together with your heart is not a second hand too!

[answerman]

Anasi You wrote:

 

"Now. If the ring is "second hand", still remainder of ex. ..is his heart second hand too? That is part of his heart and belongs to the woman whom belongs his heart. Makes sense?"

 

then you also posted

 

"We had discussion with my husband about it once. I told him: Why you need to give me a new one? Take it from ex and give it to me. (He knows I am never serious, but actually I was. LOL ) "

 

 

 

Anasi, I am unsure of what you are trying to say. Please reread your posts and let me know what side of the fence you will be staying on.

[Anais]

Sorry to confuse you. I don’t think it is bad to give the ring to new girl with interpretation that it is part of your heart but not a thing that belonged to ex . But it should be done in agreement with her personality. .I mean main thing is to make woman feel special. What if she thinks like other girls here who were against it? So make sure whatever you do is done in a smart way. Like don’t tell her or anyone else it is the same stone. Or explain her the way I did saying “It is not exes, it is part of heart and it belongs to you together with my heart… ” Just don’t get into a trouble because of it.

[tiki]

Just ask her, "You want a bigger old used one or a smaller fresh new one?"...that outta do the trick.

[Anais]

Come on, is his heart used? NO ! So is the ring. Fresh stone?

[answerman]

Thank you for your replys thus far. I would still like to hear more imput.

[blind_otter]

You asked the first girl to marry you for a reason - you loved her. Out of respect for the relationship that you once had, you should not re-use the ring.

 

Thing is, she may never find out, but if she does she would probably feel kinda low. I know I would. It's not about money, it's about a fresh start, without anything that may remind you of the ex. Because the setting may be different, but you'll know every time you look at it.

[Artifact]

Get her a new ring.

 

Either use the same money and get her a smaller stone, OR put a little more money into it if you insist it be bigger and better.

 

And if you are really in doubt that she will insist on something different? Ask her.

[tiki]

She deserves a new one.

 

I'm sure you wouldn't be thrilled to wear an old wedding band of her ex-husbands, 'just because it was cheaper to do it that way'.

 

The cheap way isn't always the right way.

[Stone]

I say get her a new one too.... I would be pretty pissed If my b/f gave me a ring he bought to give to someone else

[Anais]

I have been fooling around. Sure, get her a new one!