Wife's affair

[2sunny]

Bingo! Just file for D, as i said before it gives you a lot of options and control of the situation. You can always stop a D, or get back together after a D if that's something you want, but please file for D and expose.

 

Especially since she not even sorry she cheated!

 

And she's not even sorry she got caught!!!

 

I've never seen a more blatant @itch = cheater her!!!

 

There's not one reason to waste one more minute on her!

[bubbaganoosh]

I told her she has until the end of the week to decide or I will decide for her.

 

Firetruckie.

 

My advice is this. She told you how she feels. By giving her until the end of the week will do what? Tell you it will do. One week of no sleep for you. One week of not eating for you. On week of pain and humiliation for you. One week of her flaunting it in front of you. One week of TORTURE THAT YOUR BRINGING ON YOURSELF!

 

Take a day off, pack her stuff up and leave it in the driveway or since you know who these guys are, take half of her stuff to the married mans house and tell his wife that if she could make room for her husbands lover and the other to the single guys house. Either way tell her that she no longer is welcome in the house. Go to the bank and close the accounts. Take half or more for compensation for your pain and suffering. Get an attorney and unload this woman. She has no feelings for you and doesn't care one bit how you feel.

 

If I were you, I would go to the post office and have her mail forwarded to the married mans house. Then call his wife a couple days later and tell her that the mail is for her husbands lover.

 

You just can't sit and wait for her to say "all gone" now your my guy again. That is until some other guy shows up. Your only making it worse by giving her time to make your life more miserable and hurting.

 

While you at it, call her family and let them in on her secret life and give them the address of both guys. Don't play games with her because it seems like she's better at it.

[Try]

As for the work affair she has admitted kissing him, them fondling and her meeting him and giving him blowjobs. She says this isn't really cheating. I told her anything that breaks my trust is cheating so to speak. I just suspect that if they have done this in a two to three month period they have probably had intercourse.

A blow job is called "oral sex", thus she has had sex with the coworker even if we say that she never had intercourse with him. The fact that she has admitted that she is currently having oral sex with the coworker, while also admitting that she is currently having intercourse with a different other man (OM), makes her claim that she is not having intercourse with the coworker ridiculous. Not to mention that oral sex is very sexually and intimate and cause for divorce in and of itself.

 

She has told you that giving oral sex is not cheating and that she will not stop having intercourse with at least one other OM. You have given her an ultimatum that she must stop, and she said no she will not stop. She has now officially told you that she thinks that you are a Cuckhold. She has no respect for you or your marraige. No one can be in love with someone that they do not respect, so the love she once had for you is now gone. To allow this to continue will mean the slow and painful death of your marriage. You have no choice now but to file for divorce and mean it. Only think about giving her anther chance if she earns that chance. Ironically, you moving forward with divorce and not looking back, gives you the best chance at her respecting you and wanting back into the marraige with you.

[2sunny]

She not the woman you THOUGHT she WAS.

 

There's nothing "good girl" about her.

 

She's totally disrespected and disregarded you AND the marriage - so there really isn't a marriage! She has trampled ALL over it! And now she's probably laughing at you for "giving her more time".

 

What's THAT about? Where is YOUR self respect? No wonder she doesn't respect you - because YOU don't respect YOURSELF!

 

Tell everyone - especially the OM's wife! Expose to her work - her family and friends!

 

She THINKS it's ok? Well then, no reason everyone shouldn't know her truth!

 

Close accounts and credit cards immediately! Change the locks and make her move now!

 

She wants it her way? There's NO WAY to fix any of it her way!

 

There's not one reason to "think about it" any longer!

 

Stop settling for 3rd or 4th place to her - when you said the M vows - it didn't include being low on the list after her lovers!

 

Get your strength and self respect and take action - she's screwing YOU over big time while she screws multiple other men!

 

Why aren't you flaming mad and throwing her out now?

[miguelcervantes]

This is almost unreal! There is no two ways about this - your marriage is over. Surely you can see this. She is having one affair for fun and the other because she has feelings for the man but still wants to stay married to you ???? If I tried to write fiction that would push every button on a man, this would be it. She tells you giving blow jobs is not cheating ? Really ? She goes from being a prude to this super sexy vixen ?

 

Do the 180 to repair yourself. Focus on yourself and your health. Expose to all including her work. Separate your finances, protect yourself, see a lawyer and file for D immediately. Get the hell out of there as soon as possible.

 

This cannot be saved. Like I said, sounds too evil to be true.

[Oberfeldwebel]

It is time to draw a line in the sand. You need to limit communication to legal issues, until she agrees to end the affairs, this is non-negotiable. While she is contemplating life you have things to do.

 

1. Contact an attorney and set up an appointment.

2. If you have a joint checking account, open a new account and have your payroll check sent there. Even if you reconcile keep finances separate for at least a year.

3. If you have joint credit cards, open a new account and upon receipt of new cards, cancel old cards.

 

She is not going to change her mind based on your conversation. Currently she is in the fog of the affair and frankly feels entitled to this situation. It isn't until there are consequences to her actions that she will have any motivation to change.

[cozycottagelg]

I feel like it is so typical for a man to think his marriage is fine and great because the sex has been good.

 

My husband and I are in the middle of some serious marital issues and he thinks that everything is fine and back to normal if we have sex. That is so frustrating.

 

I am really sorry that your wife has been cheating. But a good sex life doesn't equal a good marriage.

[NotCamelot]

I know from experience how difficult it will be, but don't think about the sex too much BECAUSE: the sex you and she had has nothing at all to do with her affairs. Nothing. She is giving those guys sex in order to get and keep thier attentions. That is all.

 

There is something I was told 30 or 40 years ago: Women give sex to get love. Men give love to get sex.

 

It did not make a lot of sense to me back then. But, after having become a BS, it makes a LOT of sense.

 

I keep seeing, in your words, that YOU want to keep her and try to make it work. Only you know what you want. And while you've gotten a lot of "kick her out" advice, you are understandably hesitant to do this. And I know how you feel. It is not easy to suddenly turn off the feelings you have had for her......feelings that you have held for a long time.

 

She says she does not want to end the affairs. Well, she hasn't left!!! Right now, she has you for a safety net. The two lovers have not taken her in. And, she would have let them if they offered. But she has "the best of both worlds" for the moment.

 

She is living in a fantasy world where everything they do is grand. They don't surround her with the routine of everyday household life. Her time with them is all about making her feel good..........and that is ALL that she sees.

 

When those affairs are exposed to ALL, I bet things change dramatically. If you do that and she goes, how much worse would you be than you are now? She says it's not going to stop. You can't have a marriage like that. So, tell everybody. Watch what happens.

 

So, IMHO, if you want to fight for your marriage (her), you should tell her two lovers about each other, and tell the married lover's wife what is going on as well.

[road]

Firetruck, first thing is get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. It will teach you how to kill your WW's affairs.

 

You will have to get your WW to go NC/no contact with the OM1 and OM2.

 

First step is to expose this affair. Do not warn before you expose because that will only cause the guilty parties to try and preempt your exposure making it ineffective.

 

Never threaten that you will expose if WW does not stop her affair that does not work.

 

Exposure targets are OMW, OM parents. Then WW parents, siblings, your kids. Then copy and past WW and OM FB friends lists then expose everyone on those lists.

 

You see affairs thrive with the secrecy. The WW is getting an extra thrill with the affair sex because she gets the thrill of tasting forbidden fruit.

 

Exposure tears away the cloak of secrecy from the affair. WW is made to face what she is doing is wrong. People's opinion that matters to here will express how her behavior is a disappointment.

 

Being that your WW works with the OM's you must do a work place exposure. Send a letter to the owner if a small business. Large business send a letter to the CEO, then CC the Director of HR, the Board of Directors. Regardless of the business size make sure that you tell them that you expect them to end this work place affair and that you want to know what actions they are going to take against the AP's.

 

The book Surviving An Affair gives great examples on how to write a NC letter. You not sure about what to write post it here first before you send it to them.

[turnera]

I'll never trust her again. How can I? I just don't understand it. She has always been the "good girl" and our sex life and relationship has been great. What would cause her to do this??

Many women grow up being what they are told they should be - the good girl, the one who doesn't like sex, the virtuous one, even if that's not their nature. For the first 30 years or so, we are still our parents' kids, and we think of pleasing them, typically, and being what they would want. As we age, we start to learn about what we really want, what our true nature is. She's becoming sure enough of herself to no longer live her life according to what her parents or society expected. Not saying that's a good thing. Basically, it's her midlife crisis.

 

The first thing you need to do, fire, is call her parents, her siblings, her best friend, and her pastor, and tell them what she's doing and what she has said. Also call both of the OM's wives and/or parents and do the same. Tell them you are considering saving the marriage, but it can't happen as long as there's another person involved. Tell them that, once the OM are gone, you're willing to give it a shot and then part ways if you can't work it out, but for now, it needs to be a fair shot without outside influences.

 

Then sit back and wait for her anger. Ignore it. Wait to see what happens.

[2sunny]

Any update firetruckie? What's happening?

[happysong]

I think the OP is just looking for an advice how to win his slutty wife back and kick the other man ass out of their love nest.

 

Either we like it or not some BSs are willing to be called a doormat and mostly always ready to forgive their WS.

 

If bad comes to worst, he may just turn his eyes blind in exchange of his wife will not leave him.

Edited October 10, 2013 by happysong