candie13 Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 hey, guys what's the difference between a woman with needs and a needy woman? I don't mean at the beginning of a relationship, because that is easy. I mean when the relationship unfolds and you've dated the woman for more than 6 months, let's say. There is such a thing as emotionally relying on your partner from time to time, but what would make that gf needy and how do you react to needy partners? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
veggirl Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 I think needy is when your partner is your ONLY source of support, when you turn to them for everything. There should be a balance, if you no longer go to your girl friends and your man becomes your ONLY then there is a problem and it is needy/pretty sad. Needy is also putting all of your issues above your partners or above things going on in your partners life. Like "I can't be happy for you today because I got yelled at my boss, baby me!!" Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 Everyone is comfortable with different things. Personally, I see no issue with leaning on your partner. If you're in a relationship it's kinda one of those things that should be expected. You're committed to someone and after 6 months there should be no issue leaning on them from time to time. I've dealt with a needy one before though. She had the inability to find happiness anywhere but inside of the relationship and had to share every part of everything with me (bottled it all up to bring home). A huge difference between that and leaning on one another from time to time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 absolutely. Of course. The issue is, at some moment, you will need your man. It doesn't matter if you have 10 gfs and 20 hobbies, you will feel you miss him and really really want to see him. And no, I don't mean bombarding him with 20 messages, but I did feel that need vividly and expressed it. We'd been barely seeing each other the last week... So, depending on how much time you two spend together, that is needy, no? what is the normal / regular behavior of a guy ? pull away and ignore? Come to check on his gf and then mind his own business? Cancel his plans and stay with his gf, especially if he is going to travel later for the next 4-5 days? My guy pulled away and ignored and I stopped all contact. He called around 11:30 and when he saw I was disappearing, he insisted some more. Link to post Share on other sites
Philosoraptor Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 Everyone is different in how they will react. Was his reaction innappropraite to you? If so, you need to open up and talk to him about it. If he's not willing to be there for you when you need him, you need to decide if that is acceptable to you for the relationship. Don't just accept behavior that you are not happy with to stay in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 My guy pulled away and ignored and I stopped all contact. He called around 11:30 and when he saw I was disappearing, he insisted some more. I think you need to find someone who relates to the idea of dating and relationships in an open and healthy way - regardless what his personal needs are. Once someone is happy to communicate what they want and they actually know how to have a relationship, you can have this conversation with them without the push and pull. The onus isn't just on you to not lean too much, they also have to tell you when they feel you are leaning too much. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 I've dealt with a needy one before though. She had the inability to find happiness anywhere but inside of the relationship and had to share every part of everything with me (bottled it all up to bring home). A huge difference between that and leaning on one another from time to time. Of course, having a life outside the relationship is a MUST. I have tons friends, hobbies, interests... I mean about punctual needyness, confirmation, in a relationship. Not a huge big issue, like depending on your partner for company everyday or other thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 Was his reaction innappropraite to you? If so, you need to open up and talk to him about it. If he's not willing to be there for you when you need him, you need to decide if that is acceptable to you for the relationship. Don't just accept behavior that you are not happy with to stay in the relationship. Yes, I did find it inappropriate. I also find my reaction of extreme needy-ness disappointing. I guess I do find it hard to accept my not being quite the good partner as I'd hope to be . Indeed, I don't find that behavior acceptable. I was just wondering how men react to punctual episodes of extreme needy-ness from their gf... that's all Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 I think you need to find someone who relates to the idea of dating and relationships in an open and healthy way - regardless what his personal needs are. The onus isn't just on you to not lean too much, they also have to tell you when they feel you are leaning too much. he told me he freaks out when he senses that I am needy. Irrelevant of why I am needy - circumstances, reasons. I asked him that the easiest way out was to confront me: either talk some sense into me or reassure me. Do NOT pull away. He said he just cannot handle me in those moments. So yeah, it's not like I am crazy that way all the time. I simply need to feel him by my side. I guess we are not talking about love here, but convenience. Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 he told me he freaks out when he senses that I am needy. Irrelevant of why I am needy - circumstances, reasons. I asked him that the easiest way out was to confront me: either talk some sense into me or reassure me. Do NOT pull away. He said he just cannot handle me in those moments. So yeah, it's not like I am crazy that way all the time. I simply need to feel him by my side. I guess we are not talking about love here, but convenience. Emotional immaturity and not taking responsibility for his actions. Or simply he only wants to give what he wants to give. NEXT! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 well, I guess this nutt-case needs to find another lover, haha! Thanks, Emilia, next indeed ! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
EasyHeart Posted October 8, 2013 Share Posted October 8, 2013 hey, guys what's the difference between a woman with needs and a needy woman? I don't mean at the beginning of a relationship, because that is easy. I mean when the relationship unfolds and you've dated the woman for more than 6 months, let's say. There is such a thing as emotionally relying on your partner from time to time, but what would make that gf needy and how do you react to needy partners? thanksIt's quantitative. All of us have needs. We can list them and when they are satisfied, we are happy. Needy people (men and women) require endless reassurance. As soon as you satisfy one of their needs, they will come up with 7 more "needs". And when you satisfy those 7, there will suddenly be a dozen more. Needy people are never happy, regardless of what the other person does or doesn't do. (One of the interesting thing I've noticed with needy people is that they are also the least likely to satisfy the other person's needs. A needy person can tell you about all of his/her needs that you fail to fulfill, but if you suggest that you have any needs, the typical response from the needy person is to argue with you that your need doesn't exist or to dismiss your need as unimportant. That's been my experience, at least) Link to post Share on other sites
Author candie13 Posted October 8, 2013 Author Share Posted October 8, 2013 Thanks, EasyHEart, great post. You are right, there is a lot of frustration and a long list of other needs he had failed to fulfill, such as weekend for my birthday - he promised it to me, as he had to "work" on that day (found out it was a lie). Such as the holidays to California - we never went. Such as a proper birthday gift - he offered me a leather accessory he had bought for himself in Hong Kong and which I've returned a few days later... Refusing to see me, for 20 mins one day, when I missed him, seems less important, all of a sudden. We did break up several times due to that long list, however, when getting back together, he would conveniently choose to look forward, ignoring the past. I am unfortunately, the same girl, with the same needs. in a way, it makes sense, everybody needs a fresh start. I cannot give him that, so we simply need fresh partners, I guess . As for his needs, I did take care of them, I was a trusting, caring partner, organized surprise picnics for his birthday, sporting days at the mountains, buying little nothings before his trips, to show him I was thinking of him, crossing the city at 3 in the morning to absolutely meet his work colleagues at this event he decided to attend, all of a sudden. And I am not exaggerating when I am saying he did not return any of these attentions. I do not regret any of my past decisions, I was inlove. I am, however, long overdue with my disappearing act, it seems . Link to post Share on other sites
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