Bethnde Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 I have a problem that might have already been discussed before, but please forgive me since I'm new to this site & how it works exactly. My problem is this, I have a 14 year old girl who has been diagnosed with A.D.H.D./A.D.D. and times can be so rough I could scream. I don't know if it's because of this disorder, or if it's because she's just a typical teen and it's pay back time from when I was her age and acted the same way as my mom says (but I never acted like this). This is the problem, she is soooo mouthy/angry/unhappy. If I even ask her a simple question she yells back at me. She's constantly arguing with everyone in the house or even around her for that matter. She has it out bad with her 4 year old sister almost every 5 minutes. I have tried to help, punish, talk, guide her in so many ways. I've had her in counseling now for atleast 2 years, and the counselor tells me "I just don't understand what the problem is, she's such a sweet girl". I don't deny this, she has a heart of gold, and worries about everyone. I became extremely sick (Christmas will be 3 years ago), where I've spent alot of time in the hospitial and have come close to death a few times. My friends say maybe it's not you (me), but maybe she resents how your disease has stolen what she's used to being her mom all those years. For instance, we used to be able to do a whole lot more, now we can't do much. Most of the time I'm in agony and it shows. I just don't know what to do for her anymore. Any suggestions could help. Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 my sister was and still is in that stage.. she is 17 now and has add, and also has a chemical imbalance that causes her to be a little demon...she's on medication for that now - zoloft , and goes to an anger managment meeting w/ a therapist once every month. the therapist thought my sis was fine until her and my mom got into a fight during the meeting and she spit in my moms face... by growing up and living with a crazy family like this with nothing but yelling, screaming, cursing, and fighting im starting to think this is a phase of developement & maturity that she's going through. i by all means was surely not like this AT ALL when i was her age. im 20 now , btw. but she's been getting better and i think thats b/c of her medication...we call them her ''happy pills!" ... but i realized if my mom gets on her back thats when hell breaks loose...my mom starts it tho b/c she will pester and bother her about something till she blows up. let her come to you if somethings bothering her or if she needs help...if you hound her about things she will continue to be angry and it will never dissolve. see if a doctor can get her on any depressants to help her emoitions... she's going thru puberty and all these changes at school so thats a big factor in all of this as well. as long as she is doing good in school, and not getting into trouble with the law or drugs you should be alright. i also have noticed this which isnt a good thing... lol ... if my mom and my sis have a huge fight one night, the next day my mom takes her out shopping and gets her an outfit so she's happy...now it hink thats wrong b/c my sister is always at fault in the fight but it gets her happy i guess....i mean it does work but thats spoiling her so now everytime they argue my sister expects things from her...but then again after she gets something she will be nice and wont have any of her fits... in a way you got to act like a friend but also a mother...u have to talk to her like a friend to see whats wrong but not reprimand at the same time.... theres a lot of ways to go about this but its different with each family...just remember ur not alone and this will eventually pass..hope all is well and good luck Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Have you asked her why she is so angry? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 check with your local Parents Anonymous chapter, see if they offer classes on how to deal with situations like these. also, it might be a good time to introduce her to a hobby that allows her the opportunity to vent some of that steam/blow off that energy so that she gets it out of her system before addressing her concerns or problems. My first thought is karate, because it's mostly about self-control/discipline. It'll also build up her self-esteem, which Im' sure is taking a real beating because of what's going on inside her and she knows it's not proper behavior to blow up the way she does. you might also want to encourage her to start keeping a personal journal, and express her feelings through her writings. although I rarely lose my temper to a degree that I'm self-destructive or lashing out so severely, I do feel better about trying to get those feelings down in writing because it's a very cathartic process ... Getting a doctor to check her medications (if she's on more than one prescription at the same time) to make sure they're not causing any sort of bad reaction in her body is a good idea, as well. good luck, mom -- and let us know if we can help in any other way, okay? Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Have you had the same counselor/therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist for the entire 2 years of therapy? If the counselor says he/she "doesn't understand" that's a bad sign. Not every counselor is a proper fit for every person. I recommend you find a new one, preferably a psychologist or psychiatrist with more training than a counselor would have. It sounds to me like she may have a personality disorder that is going undiagnosed, and the sooner you get her proper treatment, her chances are better for an emotionally stable adulthood. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 wher is daddy? if there was a recent divorce or separation she could be acting out cause of this. does she have any positive male role models in her life? Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 STD4YM is right. Too many people just find a therapist and keep slogging through the muck. If the therapy isn't effective, you need to seek out another mental health professional, preferrably one with experience treating ADD. Heck, the famous Sylvia Plath had a therapist for 10 years - and committed suicide in the end. The therapist later would claim that she "thought she was giving appropriate treatment" - but you need to be involved enough to judge whether any progress has been made or not. Is your daughter on medication therapy in conjuction with talk therapy? In all honesty, the two in conjunction usually work better than one or the other, especially with disorders like AD/HD. I've witness two adults with unmanaged AD/HD (they went off their meds) - who literally destroyed their lives within the space of a few months because they didn't receive the proper mental healthcare. Link to post Share on other sites
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