How do I approach her? Or shouldn't I do anything at all?

[roflmao]

Hey all

 

I've put myself in somewhat of an awkward situation, and I was hoping I could get some advice on what should I do now.

 

So here's what happened:

 

I'm currently in college, on the 4th year of a 5-year masters degree in engineering. Since about a year ago, I started noticing a girl around campus. I'd see her every now and then wandering around the same area with a couple of friends. Visually, I immediately felt an attraction and couldn't wait to actually meet her.

I discovered really soon that she knew a couple of my college friends (actually, she added one of them on Facebook way before I even noticed her). I found out that she's a year older than me and is majoring in an area different from mine, so the chances of us getting classes together were pretty slim. A friend of mine also told me that she's very hardworking when it comes to studies, so there wouldn't be almost no chance if she had to repeat any course (my friend actually knows this because he's the same age as her and they had one course together).

For the next few months, I'd see her sometimes around campus, but never actually talked to her. When I'd bump into her on the corridors, I'd just glance at her, she'd look back, and then we'd both go our separate ways.

Being shy, I never really made some extra effort to introduce myself. I'd guess it would be kinda creepy to just introduce myself out of the blue, with no apparent reason. I asked my friend if he could introduce me to her, since they already knew each other, but he didn't want to do it because he didn't talk to her since their mutual course (which was 3 years before all this).

At this point I was pretty sure I wouldn't ever get a chance to actually meet her, so I did the awkward "add someone I never talked to but actually seen sometimes on Facebook". After a couple of days, she accepted my request. At the time, I was thrilled that she actually accepted my request. However, I never actually talked to her, even on Facebook. I'm awful when it comes to start up a conversation and keeping it interesting. I also didn't want to look like a creep, who added a girl on facebook i never talked to and, all of a sudden, started talking to her only because I couldn't do it in real life. I think the only thing I ever said to her on facebook was a "Happy birthday" message lol.

Fast-forward a few more months into last September. Summer break was over, we were all starting classes again. And, for my surprise, we both actually have a mutual course, which means, a couple of theoretical classes together each week. When I first realized this, I was really happy because I thought I'd get some opportunity to strike up a conversation without actually being awkward.But then I thought: she has me on Facebook, so she definitely knows who I am. But I'm one of those "friends" she never actually talked to, so she can't consider me an acquaintance at all. Maybe, in her head, I'm just that "creepy guy" who stared at her sometimes and thought that would be enough to add her on Facebook.

Now, every time I see her in class, I always feel embarrassed. Whenever I spot her and she looks back at me, I can't help but to look away.

Also, the classes are always packed, so there's almost no chance I'd get to sit next to her. Honestly I don't think she'd actually sit next to me even if there were empty seats next to me.

She's also always with a couple of friends with her so no way I'd ever get a chance to introduce myself to her personally without having to introduce myself to the whole group.

I'm usually also with a couple of friends, so I guess that problem's reciprocal.

 

In a nutshell, this is what happened.

I'd really love to get to know her, but at this point, I can't help to think I've already wasted my chance.

What would you guys do in my situation? How would you approach her? Any feedback will be appreciated.

 

Thanks for reading

[bubbaganoosh]

Very simple answer. Try talking to her. Once you do that then the door has opened a bit. Just make small talk at first and if you feel that you and her have some interest than ask her if she would like to have lunch or coffee and go from there. I mean you can stare at her until the cows come home but unless she's a mind reader she's not going to have a clue. The only thing she can say is no thank you.

[roflmao]

Very simple answer. Try talking to her. Once you do that then the door has opened a bit. Just make small talk at first and if you feel that you and her have some interest than ask her if she would like to have lunch or coffee and go from there. I mean you can stare at her until the cows come home but unless she's a mind reader she's not going to have a clue. The only thing she can say is no thank you.

 

Yes, I also don't think she's a psychic. ^.^

Anyway: I know I do have to talk to her. But my whole problem was on how to approach her for the first time. I mean, she clearly knows who I am so I'm not really a "stranger", but since I've never talked to her for the whole year since my Facebook add, wouldn't it be weird to try and talk to her out of nowhere? Specially if she's always with her friends?

I was hoping I'd get some reason to actually start talking to her (like the mutual classes), so it wouldn't seem so awkward. But since I'm beginning to lose hope on these classes, since they're always full and I'm pretty sure she'd rather sit with her friends than with me.

[Polak]

No doubt the best way for this first-time-meeting to happen would be a very convenient scenario such as you bumping into her in a hallway (accidentally), her dropping something, and then you picking it up for her, apologizing, and introducing yourself. That way you're eased into the process.

 

But let's face it, when is that going to happen? Your best option at this point is to find a time to approach her and go straight out of the blue. Regardless of whether she knows you only via stares and the random Facebook friend request, you've got to stick your foot in the door. Chances are she is at least somewhat friendly, so she won't shoot you down loudly and/or violently. But expect anything. Just be yourself, and be friendly in return.

 

Perhaps since you both have similar classes, you can ask a question about the class or a topic within the class she might be interested in. That way you don't have to sit there scrambling your brain about "what to say".

 

When you find a time to do it, you don't necessarily have to ask her somewhere to lunch straight away. Remember, you're just trying to get "formally" acquainted first. Once you've talked to her once or twice, even if just a small exchange, and there seems to be interest on her part, then you can start thinking about asking her somewhere. I know it can be a nervous process, but overall, don't think about it too much! You should have fun with it.

[roflmao]

No doubt the best way for this first-time-meeting to happen would be a very convenient scenario such as you bumping into her in a hallway (accidentally), her dropping something, and then you picking it up for her, apologizing, and introducing yourself. That way you're eased into the process.

 

But let's face it, when is that going to happen? Your best option at this point is to find a time to approach her and go straight out of the blue. Regardless of whether she knows you only via stares and the random Facebook friend request, you've got to stick your foot in the door. Chances are she is at least somewhat friendly, so she won't shoot you down loudly and/or violently. But expect anything. Just be yourself, and be friendly in return.

 

Perhaps since you both have similar classes, you can ask a question about the class or a topic within the class she might be interested in. That way you don't have to sit there scrambling your brain about "what to say".

 

When you find a time to do it, you don't necessarily have to ask her somewhere to lunch straight away. Remember, you're just trying to get "formally" acquainted first. Once you've talked to her once or twice, even if just a small exchange, and there seems to be interest on her part, then you can start thinking about asking her somewhere. I know it can be a nervous process, but overall, don't think about it too much! You should have fun with it.

 

Thanks for the reply, Polak! (:

 

I guess I could try and ask something about classes (perhaps via Facebook first?). That way I would be able to, at least, say "Hi" next time I see her in person and try talking to her personally.

I'm just worried if even asking something about classes on Facebook will sound strange. I mean, I do know other people in the class...people I usually talk to (and she sees me with my friends sometimes, so I guess she knows that too). So why would I ask her? Wouldn't it be weird?

Sorry if I'm over thinking things and seem scared. I guess you're right when I should "have fun" with it. I just don't want to end up making the situation a lot more awkward give her a bad impression of me.

 

Anyway, thanks again for the help!

[roflmao]

Just a quick update:

 

I've been in a class with her just a couple of hours ago. I arrived a bit early so I waited outside the classroom. A couple of minutes later, she arrives along with a friend. As soon as I notice her walking towards the classroom, she looks at me too, but with sort of an angry face, "half-closing" her eyes while she stares at me. Even if I wanted to smile back at her, I wasn't really able to, given the fact that she seemed really pissed.

You may argue that she just had something else upsetting her, but the truth is that it is actually the 2nd time she looks at me like that. I'm starting to think that she might be angry at me?

 

Maybe it's all in my head, though...

[roflmao]

Your story is so interested, I can read read it two times, and I never feels boring by reading this. your writing is brilliant. I like this and I pray you met together.

 

Thank you for your kind words, rommy. ^.^ I was actually having a lot of trouble in describing the situation properly in English

 

I hope your prayers are answered! (although I'm not entirely optimistic, at this point :\ )

[Polak]

Even if I wanted to smile back at her, I wasn't really able to, given the fact that she seemed really pissed.

 

Sure you can. Smile regardless of what she is feeling. After all, how are you supposed to actually know she is angry just because she has an angry expression? Smiles go a long way sometimes.

 

Also let me add, don't start to converse with her via Facebook, even if it's about class. Go the personal route. I think it might be more awkward to message her online considering you've never talked with her in person before.

 

I know it's a nervous process, so try not to hold very high expectations. And regardless of her response when you finally strike up the courage to say something, you should feel good that you went for it! Don't rush yourself, but make an effort!