Ex wants to meet up.

[stormer1092]

Well had a long conversation with my ex today and well she suggested meeting up. In this conversation I found out she's seeing another guy but also that she still loves me and wants me in her life. I told her I can't be in her life knowing she's with another dude. She did bring up that she wants to talk to me in person and at first I was very against the idea and I even told her she needs to think of what she wants really hard. She replied with "I know what I want" so I asked what she wanted then and she told me she needs to tell me in person.

 

This is the conversation in a nut shell of course.

 

She seems really unsure of where she is at right now in her life and I can tell she's not happy. She will not tell me over the phone and I don't know what to do. She seems like she still wants me in her life but I can't put myself through that.

 

I guess I just need some advice and guidance. Help?

Edited October 8, 2013 by stormer1092

[Philosoraptor]

She needs to be alone, that's what she needs. But she's going to keep rebounding until she grows up. She wants to rebound back to you and use you until she rebounds again.

 

Advice would be to tell her you hope she figures out her life then go NC. Right now you're just hurting yourself by responding to her and not blocking her.

[stormer1092]

She needs to be alone, that's what she needs. But she's going to keep rebounding until she grows up. She wants to rebound back to you and use you until she rebounds again.

 

Advice would be to tell her you hope she figures out her life then go NC. Right now you're just hurting yourself by responding to her and not blocking her.

 

I haven't talked to her for 2 months prior. She reached out to me for the last few weeks and I just recently started talking to her the past 5 days or so. Today was the first real conversation we had since the breakup. I already knew she had a rebound and It doesn't really hurt anymore. But don't assume I'm going to take her back right away if she said "I want you". If we get to that point its going sloooowwww. But for her to want to meat up after all this time must mean something...

[mammasita]

How can she still love you if she's seeing another guy. It. makes. no. sense.

 

I wouldn't bother meeting up with her if I were you. I know how hard it can be, and I would be tempted to do it.....but the best thing that you could possibly do right now is NOT go and stop talking to her, stop responding to her and feeding into her wishy washy flip floppy BS.

[stormer1092]

How can she still love you if she's seeing another guy. It. makes. no. sense.

 

I wouldn't bother meeting up with her if I were you. I know how hard it can be, and I would be tempted to do it.....but the best thing that you could possibly do right now is NOT go and stop talking to her, stop responding to her and feeding into her wishy washy flip floppy BS.

 

Thats what I say. I told her to prove it if she really does love me. But going will prove either one of two things. She really does love me or she's gone out of my life for good. Its closure for me.

[organizedchaos]

How can she still love you if she's seeing another guy. It. makes. no. sense.

 

I wouldn't bother meeting up with her if I were you. I know how hard it can be, and I would be tempted to do it.....but the best thing that you could possibly do right now is NOT go and stop talking to her, stop responding to her and feeding into her wishy washy flip floppy BS.

 

Because she's not in love with the other guy and has unresolved feelings for the OP? Because she has regrets?

 

She needs to be very clear and it needs to go very slow if the OP wants to reconcile. First step would be immediately breaking up with the rebound.

[stormer1092]

Because she's not in love with the other guy and has unresolved feelings for the OP? Because she has regrets?

 

She needs to be very clear and it needs to go very slow if the OP wants to reconcile. First step would be immediately breaking up with the rebound.

 

I agree. She actually just sent me a long email saying she misses everything about me. She also said she's afraid to get with me again because she fears us breaking up again..

[Philosoraptor]

I agree. She actually just sent me a long email saying she misses everything about me. She also said she's afraid to get with me again because she fears us breaking up again..

 

She's telling you she's not sure if it's going to work... why would you even consider going back to someone who dumped you, rebounded, and is chatting with you while she is currently in a relationship with another guy?

[mammasita]

I agree. She actually just sent me a long email saying she misses everything about me. She also said she's afraid to get with me again because she fears us breaking up again..

 

ummmm, did I miss something?????? She broke up with you, did she not?

 

I'm sorry - This chick is a wack job.....and I mean that in a nice -she doesn't know WTF she wants from you or from a relationship- kind of way.

[Mariposa10]

WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS PEOPLE!!!!

 

The selfish prick of my ex did almost the same to me. He kept saying how I was the one he loved, the one he wanted to get married with, the one he wanted to wake up every morning next to. BUT GUESS WHAT? HE WAS ****ING ANOTHER GIRL!!! I once told the selfish prick, "you're so confused you don't know what you want" And the he said, "I know what I want, I want you." AGAIN, HE WAS ****ING THE NEW GIRL.

 

As soon as I found out they had had sex, I went NC. Get away from the situation ASAP. Let her deal with her emotions on her own, what she's doing to do it's just not fair to you. Do. not. reinforce. this behavior, think about the message you're sending her. So let's say she decides she wants to be with you, what if she changes her mind again??

 

I hate people like this!!!!!

[JoelBarish]

Stormer I can tell you want her back and you want to hear what she has to say. I am all for protecting your heart so you need to find out if your ready to close this book or not. I would say meet with her and give her one chance to say what she has to say. If what she says doesn't resolve things then walk away and don't look back . It hurts to let go of past relationships but sometimes it's better to find a new one that doesn't have all the emotional baggage that the past has. So I would say find out what she has to say and be done with it if she doesn't make things right.

[Airwave2020]

mate the reason why she will not tell you over the phone & only wants to talk in person is this...

 

 

she wants to meet you in person, so she can assess if she still has some kind of attraction to you... or if she still feels a spark

 

 

mate if you meet her & she feels nothing... or less than what she feels for her current boyfriend

 

guess what... she is going to abandon you again... and you will be back on the no contact thread.

 

you will be the rebound guy

[JoelBarish]

mate the reason why she will not tell you over the phone & only wants to talk in person is this...

 

 

she wants to meet you in person, so she can assess if you still has some kind of attraction to you... or if she still feels a spark

 

It's also possible that if he meets with her he will feel nothing towards her. If he wants to find out 100% if there is any chance of reconciliation or not before he lets go for good this may be his chance. Unless of course he feels it's too soon to take a chance .

[Airwave2020]

It's also possible that if he meets with her he will feel nothing towards her. If he wants to find out 100% if there is any chance of reconciliation or not before he lets go for good this may be his chance. Unless of course he feels it's too soon to take a chance .

 

 

by the sounds of it, op does feel something towards her & is already talking about, how if they got back together, he would take it really slow.

 

he is already thinking ahead of himself

 

she has the upper hand tho... op has a lot more to lose by meeting her

 

this girl has options.. the current boyfriend or op...

[lylat333]

The simple advice here OP is never reinforce behavior you wouldn't want taking place in your own relationship. You may feel like hot stuff knowing she is giving you attention while in a relationship but this is real bad behavior.

 

As for her saying, "I know what I want" and "needs to tell you in person"... PFFFFT. Oh really? Well, if it was you she 'knew she wanted', she would have already broken it off with this other guy, hmm?

 

You would be making a big mistake to meet with her and make this situation so much messier. It's very obvious she doesn't know what she wants and is resorting to shady behavior to weigh out her options. You gain a million times more respect by not buying into this BS.

[JoelBarish]

by the sounds of it, op does feel something towards her & is already talking about, how if they got back together, he would take it really slow.

 

he is already thinking ahead of himself

 

she has the upper hand tho... op has a lot more to lose by meeting her

 

this girl has options.. the current boyfriend or op...

 

Stormer has options. He has the option to walk away. She doesn't necessarily have the upper hand, if Stormer sets the terms of reconciliation and she doesn't agree to them then he can still walk.

 

Ultimately it's up to Stormer. He knows what he wants and he knows what is at risk here. And there is always a risk, even with new relationships.

[Mariposa10]

Keep us updated!! I want to see how this ends because it reminds me of my ex and me.

 

Anyway, I do think you guys might be able to get back together, but that's not gonna happen right now. And if it does, I don't know if it'll work out. Please, see this from as many angles as you can. Remember if it was you the person she really wanted to be with, she'd be with you and not with the other guy. She might be confused, she might come to her sense later. I don't think she knows what she wants.

 

My point is: how can you two talk about reconciliation when she's withe someone else?

 

How old are you two again?

Edited October 8, 2013 by Mariposa10

[melell]

This is what sucks. It is always a guessing game.

 

I have seen dumpers think that have lost their chance and so resort to tactics to make the dumpee want them back. My brother (was 22 at the time) broke up with a long term girlfriend, she cut him off, moved on with her life, acted like she was fine. He wanted her back, the tables had turned. When he reached out she acted 'indifferent', he said he was seeing someone but couldn't stop thinking about her.

 

He lied about seeing someone. He felt just as unsure and insecure about where he stood as she did.

 

I mean your ex could think she has a better chance if she does it in person.

She could have a boyfriend. She could have five boyfriends.

She could just want to say she doesn't want to see him again, it could be closure for her.

She could be just messing around

She could be genuine

 

Who knows.

 

 

 

When you are dealing with another person it is always guessing, and risk taking. Even when two people have been together for years, it is still guessing, and the risk that they may leave/cheat/lie has been made.

 

In my opinion there is really not a whole lot one can do to avoid it, unless they would rather stay home alone and hide from the world.

 

All you can do is weigh up the risks, if you are prepared to find out, then find out. Sometimes I think it is a good idea to bite the bullet, find out, whatever the outcome deal with it, and move on. At least that way you'll know.

[Simon Phoenix]

This is what sucks. It is always a guessing game.

 

I have seen dumpers think that have lost their chance and so resort to tactics to make the dumpee want them back. My brother (was 22 at the time) broke up with a long term girlfriend, she cut him off, moved on with her life, acted like she was fine. He wanted her back, the tables had turned. When he reached out she acted 'indifferent', he said he was seeing someone but couldn't stop thinking about her.

 

He lied about seeing someone. He felt just as unsure and insecure about where he stood as she did.

 

I mean your ex could think she has a better chance if she does it in person.

She could have a boyfriend. She could have five boyfriends.

She could just want to say she doesn't want to see him again, it could be closure for her.

She could be just messing around

She could be genuine

 

Who knows.

 

 

 

When you are dealing with another person it is always guessing, and risk taking. Even when two people have been together for years, it is still guessing, and the risk that they may leave/cheat/lie has been made.

 

In my opinion there is really not a whole lot one can do to avoid it, unless they would rather stay home alone and hide from the world.

 

All you can do is weigh up the risks, if you are prepared to find out, then find out. Sometimes I think it is a good idea to bite the bullet, find out, whatever the outcome deal with it, and move on. At least that way you'll know.

 

I'm sorry, but if your brother lied to try to get the upper hand with a girl he broke up with, he didn't deserve her back in the first place. If this woman is lying to Stormer, she doesn't deserve his time. I think if she was serious about this she'd break up with the other guy first, assuming he exists.

[melell]

I'm sorry, but if your brother lied to try to get the upper hand with a girl he broke up with, he didn't deserve her back in the first place. If this woman is lying to Stormer, she doesn't deserve his time. I think if she was serious about this she'd break up with the other guy first, assuming he exists.

 

He 100% didn't deserve her back, nor did he get her back.

That's what I mean, it is so hard to know. Of course, if she is lying that is not good, but people do strange things when they are insecure.

I would consider that as something forgivable, given they owned up quickly.

There are a lot of possibilities, a lot of variables. It is really hard to tell.

 

Lately I have been thinking about all of this, to me it seems like the whole macro vs micro theory/research differences. Even though the macro is pretty rock solid (nc, push and pull, gigs etc) there are some micro aspects that get thrown out of the window pretty quickly. Personally I think it is worth considering some of those smaller variables some times.

[stormer1092]

Stormer has options. He has the option to walk away. She doesn't necessarily have the upper hand, if Stormer sets the terms of reconciliation and she doesn't agree to them then he can still walk.

 

Ultimately it's up to Stormer. He knows what he wants and he knows what is at risk here. And there is always a risk, even with new relationships.

 

I know exactly whats at risk. Get her back or go back to my great life..

[JoelBarish]

I know exactly whats at risk. Get her back or go back to my great life..

 

So you're saying your life wouldn't be great if you got back together?

[JoelBarish]

Keep us updated!! I want to see how this ends because it reminds me of my ex and me.

 

Anyway, I do think you guys might be able to get back together, but that's not gonna happen right now. And if it does, I don't know if it'll work out. Please, see this from as many angles as you can. Remember if it was you the person she really wanted to be with, she'd be with you and not with the other guy. She might be confused, she might come to her sense later. I don't think she knows what she wants.

 

My point is: how can you two talk about reconciliation when she's withe someone else?

 

How old are you two again?

 

You mention reconciliation but as far as I can tell she hasn't mentioned that as of yet.

 

Assuming she does bring it up if he meets with her then yeah there is a chance it won't work out. And as you mentioned there is another guy in the picture. I know that some here don't believe in second chances. And others feel that they would never take someone back after the ex has been with someone else. But how does Stormer feel about all that?

 

If you believe that second chances can work, if you can overlook the ex being with someone else, then Stormer has a good chance of making this work if that's what he wants. As he said he knows the risks.

[Simon Phoenix]

He 100% didn't deserve her back, nor did he get her back.

That's what I mean, it is so hard to know. Of course, if she is lying that is not good, but people do strange things when they are insecure.

I would consider that as something forgivable, given they owned up quickly.

There are a lot of possibilities, a lot of variables. It is really hard to tell.

 

Lately I have been thinking about all of this, to me it seems like the whole macro vs micro theory/research differences. Even though the macro is pretty rock solid (nc, push and pull, gigs etc) there are some micro aspects that get thrown out of the window pretty quickly. Personally I think it is worth considering some of those smaller variables some times.

 

Honestly, the "micro" is just people making something simple more complicated than it needs to be. Honestly, too many people feel the need to try to reinvent the wheel.

[veggirl]

 

she has horrible character.

 

she has a boyfriend yet is emailing you about how she misses you, etc.

 

there is nothing attractive about that. imagine her doing that while she is WITH YOU.