Ex wants to meet up.

[Philosoraptor]

You don't do anything. Your issue is that you can't stop doing things.

 

Don't contact her and block her number. She's a total mess and she is not going to be capible of a mature relationship until she grows up. And the amount of effort she has shown thus far says that's going to be a long time from now.

 

Heal up yourself and stop pretending you're all better. No one that is over their past gets this wound up because an ex contacts them. Once you've healed go on and find someone else who is mature and looking for what you're looking for.

 

You won't take this advice because you're not over her and still hanging on her every word and looking for deeper meaning in every one of her texts. But you can't truthfully keep waiting around and getting would up over someone who dumped you, is trying to use you for emotional support, all while banging another dude.

[stormer1092]

You don't do anything. Your issue is that you can't stop doing things.

 

Don't contact her and block her number. She's a total mess and she is not going to be capible of a mature relationship until she grows up. And the amount of effort she has shown thus far says that's going to be a long time from now.

 

Heal up yourself and stop pretending you're all better. No one that is over their past gets this wound up because an ex contacts them. Once you've healed go on and find someone else who is mature and looking for what you're looking for.

 

You won't take this advice because you're not over her and still hanging on her every word and looking for deeper meaning in every one of her texts. But you can't truthfully keep waiting around and getting would up over someone who dumped you, is trying to use you for emotional support, all while banging another dude.

 

I'm not contacting her anymore. Unless she says I want to be with you and shows she's mature. Right now I'm not even thinking of finding someone else. No more emotional support from me. From now on she is not in my life unless SHE makes the effort to be. But I still feel like I need to tell her "if you're ever single send me a text and I might think about it" just to show that I'm not willing to just get back with her so easily as she thinks and she might loose me. But just a thought. What do you think?

[Philosoraptor]

I think that is still saying what she wants to hear. "I'm still yours if you want me". No need to let her know there's a snowballs chance in hell.

[thora-tiki]

I agree, this will not end well.

 

When you love someone unconditionally - for whatever reason - it can be hard to let go.

 

I know that you have been struggling to put her behind you for some time.

 

You have made a lot of good progress, but also have regressed a bit, like breaking no contact too soon.

 

Don't beat yourself up for being human.

 

We are not all the same, and we evolve differently.

 

The important thing is that you keep trying.

 

Eventually touching that hot stove is gonna sink in.

 

If you want to turn this around, re-start no contact, and don't break it for her lame/angry/sweet text.

 

No contact is your time to reevaluate yourself and your partner to see where the problems really were.

 

Find your faults and fix them. Now you can't fix hers,

but you will see them more clearly and will be able to make an objective decision on how to proceed with this ex.

 

In this case: go back to no contact, let her (and you) evolve some more.

 

Don't let her see or feel you sweat, that means you don't show her anger, answer her text, giving her ultimatums,

telling her to prove herself to you, sending her text like:

«if you're ever single send me a text and I might think about it», etc.

 

Being single is not the same as being ready.

You are single - and you are not ready.

 

Doing this will only serve to validate her decision to walk away,

or continue to act loopy.

She is acting all loopy because she is not ready. Trust me on this one, buddy.

 

This behaviour, and last 9-10 pages, just showed us that she is not ready -

to reconnect, or even have a conversation with you - yet - neither are you. No shame in that.

 

This is your time.

 

Fu*k her, and the horse she rode in on.

 

Get you back - FIRST!

[stormer1092]

I agree, this will not end well.

 

When you love someone unconditionally - for whatever reason - it can be hard to let go.

 

I know that you have been struggling to put her behind you for some time.

 

You have made a lot of good progress, but also have regressed a bit, like breaking no contact too soon.

 

Don't beat yourself up for being human.

 

We are not all the same, and we evolve differently.

 

The important thing is that you keep trying.

 

Eventually touching that hot stove is gonna sink in.

 

If you want to turn this around, re-start no contact, and don't break it for her lame/angry/sweet text.

 

No contact is your time to reevaluate yourself and your partner to see where the problems really were.

 

Find your faults and fix them. Now you can't fix hers,

but you will see them more clearly and will be able to make an objective decision on how to proceed with this ex.

 

In this case: go back to no contact, let her (and you) evolve some more.

 

Don't let her see or feel you sweat, that means you don't show her anger, answer her text, giving her ultimatums,

telling her to prove herself to you, sending her text like:

«if you're ever single send me a text and I might think about it», etc.

 

Being single is not the same as being ready.

You are single - and you are not ready.

 

Doing this will only serve to validate her decision to walk away,

or continue to act loopy.

She is acting all loopy because she is not ready. Trust me on this one, buddy.

 

This behaviour, and last 9-10 pages, just showed us that she is not ready -

to reconnect, or even have a conversation with you - yet - neither are you. No shame in that.

 

This is your time.

 

Fu*k her, and the horse she rode in on.

 

Get you back - FIRST!

 

I really thought I was ready to contact her again. I really have been working on myself quite a bit also. Got a new job, new friends, loosing weight (30 lbs) and I've been doing nothing but trying to better myself and get my head strait. I guess I have regressed a little bit also in the past few days. Lots of thinking again. But then again I proved to myself that I am stonger then what I was before. I have thought of what drove us apart and I guess I do need to re evaluate again. I do need to go NC and let her evolve also. She even said she's not ready for a relationship but I haven't even brought up getting back together. She is the one who brought it up but she's not ready. But all in all I guess I still have some growing to do.

[Mariposa10]

Do not give an ultimatum. That backfired on me. This is simple, if she wanted to be with you she'd be with you. I know it hurts, but it's the truth. This is not your fault or mine. She's just confused. The bad thing here is that she's playing games.

 

Do not think about what she will think, what she will feel. Our exes did not think of us. We've wasted too much time thinking about them. Now it's time to think ABOUT US. It's time to take care of us. They have to take care of themselves. Your ex-girlfriend already knows how you feel about her.

 

She's being manipulative, but deep down she knows what she's doing to you and the new guy is not fair. She's not happy in her current relationship either otherwise she wouldn't be contacting you. But, let her deal with everything on her own.

[BC1980]

I really thought I was ready to contact her again. I really have been working on myself quite a bit also. Got a new job, new friends, loosing weight (30 lbs) and I've been doing nothing but trying to better myself and get my head strait. I guess I have regressed a little bit also in the past few days. Lots of thinking again. But then again I proved to myself that I am stonger then what I was before. I have thought of what drove us apart and I guess I do need to re evaluate again. I do need to go NC and let her evolve also. She even said she's not ready for a relationship but I haven't even brought up getting back together. She is the one who brought it up but she's not ready. But all in all I guess I still have some growing to do.

 

I would tell her not to contact you. This is toxic, and, if she contacts you, you aren't strong enough at this point to ignore it. If people are confused and going back and forth, they are toxic to you, and you need to cut them out. I know how hard it is to do that, but it must be done.

[JoelBarish]

You don't do anything. Your issue is that you can't stop doing things.

 

Don't contact her and block her number. She's a total mess and she is not going to be capible of a mature relationship until she grows up. And the amount of effort she has shown thus far says that's going to be a long time from now.

 

Heal up yourself and stop pretending you're all better. No one that is over their past gets this wound up because an ex contacts them. Once you've healed go on and find someone else who is mature and looking for what you're looking for.

 

You won't take this advice because you're not over her and still hanging on her every word and looking for deeper meaning in every one of her texts. But you can't truthfully keep waiting around and getting would up over someone who dumped you, is trying to use you for emotional support, all while banging another dude.

 

So do you believe second chances are possible? If so, under what circumstances?

[Philosoraptor]

So do you believe second chances are possible? If so, under what circumstances?

Sure second chances are possible, but both parties need to correct their own issues and go into it as if it's a whole new relationship. You can't just bounce back into something that failed before and expect a different result. If the issues that cause the previous breakup are not taken care of, then it will just follow the same path.

[lylat333]

But I still feel like I need to tell her "if you're ever single send me a text and I might think about it" just to show that I'm not willing to just get back with her so easily as she thinks and she might loose me. But just a thought. What do you think?

 

Anyone here will tell you this won't work because it's actually not very subtle. Ironically it sends the message you're still on the hook. Best way to make someone worry about losing you is to care less and let her, and only her, worry about coming back. From what I've observed, putting pressure on someone to come back backfires 100% of the time.

Edited October 11, 2013 by lylat333

[Simon Phoenix]

I really thought I was ready to contact her again. I really have been working on myself quite a bit also. Got a new job, new friends, loosing weight (30 lbs) and I've been doing nothing but trying to better myself and get my head strait. I guess I have regressed a little bit also in the past few days. Lots of thinking again. But then again I proved to myself that I am stonger then what I was before. I have thought of what drove us apart and I guess I do need to re evaluate again. I do need to go NC and let her evolve also. She even said she's not ready for a relationship but I haven't even brought up getting back together. She is the one who brought it up but she's not ready. But all in all I guess I still have some growing to do.

 

Seems like you were making good progress but just a little contact from her bumped you off course. It happens. Unfortunately, it doesn't sound like she's made any progress and ultimately, both have to evolve for things to possibly restart. I would go NC and stay NC until you are cool no matter the result and until any communication from her doesn't cause you to think, rethink, overthink, analyze, etc. I'd say once you think you are ready for communication, wait another month after that to make sure. If you get through that month without any setbacks, then maybe it's OK.

[stormer1092]

Update: Well after talking to someone about the whole situation I figured out what was really wrong. The Texting.. We came to the conclusion that we are both not in the greatest state of mind and that when we put it to words it just makes things worse leaving BOTH of us with more questions and in a confused state. So I called her up she didn't answer at first so I left a voicemail saying "I'm not texting you anymore, you need to call me" 10 minutes later guess what I got. It was her.

 

On the phone I explained why I'm not texting her anymore and if she wanted to talk we need to meet in person to explain what is going on. I told her that we need to meet up. She said she needed time to think about it so I let her go. Another 10 minutes she calls back saying when do you want to meet up. The only time we really had was last night. So I gathered my thoughts and went to pick her up.

 

It was the best thing I could of done. We talked about nothing really at first, just kinda catching up. But then we really talked.. I asked her the important questions I needed to know where I stand in her life. We talked about everything. Good, bad you name it.

She does have strong feelings for me and she actually wants to be with me but she doesn't know that she can put herself into that situation again. The situation being my family.. My family was mean to her and I know its a BS reason for her to think about them because it really is between us. You can tell it really hurts her tho. If it wasn't for that she wouldn't have a very hard time getting back with me.

 

Towards the end I made it pretty clear I'm not in this to just be friends. I told her what I want without hesitation. She wants the same but like I said before the only thing holding her back is my family.. But after the talk we looked at each other and it was like something came over us and we started kissing. More like make out session. It didn't feel awkward it felt right. I didn't go any further tho because It wasn't right. It wasn't one sided either she kinda pounced on me.

 

But we came to the conclusion that she needed time for herself to figure what she wants out of life and I left her both saying I love you and now I just can only hope to hear back from her.

[Mariposa10]

Update: Well after talking to someone about the whole situation I figured out what was really wrong. The Texting.. We came to the conclusion that we are both not in the greatest state of mind and that when we put it to words it just makes things worse leaving BOTH of us with more questions and in a confused state. So I called her up she didn't answer at first so I left a voicemail saying "I'm not texting you anymore, you need to call me" 10 minutes later guess what I got. It was her.

 

On the phone I explained why I'm not texting her anymore and if she wanted to talk we need to meet in person to explain what is going on. I told her that we need to meet up. She said she needed time to think about it so I let her go. Another 10 minutes she calls back saying when do you want to meet up. The only time we really had was last night. So I gathered my thoughts and went to pick her up.

 

It was the best thing I could of done. We talked about nothing really at first, just kinda catching up. But then we really talked.. I asked her the important questions I needed to know where I stand in her life. We talked about everything. Good, bad you name it.

She does have strong feelings for me and she actually wants to be with me but she doesn't know that she can put herself into that situation again. The situation being my family.. My family was mean to her and I know its a BS reason for her to think about them because it really is between us. You can tell it really hurts her tho. If it wasn't for that she wouldn't have a very hard time getting back with me.

 

Towards the end I made it pretty clear I'm not in this to just be friends. I told her what I want without hesitation. She wants the same but like I said before the only thing holding her back is my family.. But after the talk we looked at each other and it was like something came over us and we started kissing. More like make out session. It didn't feel awkward it felt right. I didn't go any further tho because It wasn't right. It wasn't one sided either she kinda pounced on me.

 

But we came to the conclusion that she needed time for herself to figure what she wants out of life and I left her both saying I love you and now I just can only hope to hear back from her.

 

 

Everything sounds great, I had heard about the texting thing, and how it is better to actually talk. However, I feel like you kind up pushed her to meet with you. I don't know if that's a good idea, if she wants to have a relationship with you she has to be 100% otherwise, she'll end up doing the same.

 

Did she talk about the other guy?

[JoelBarish]

Not to say I told you so but....lol...I did say it would be better just to meet with her and find out what she wanted. That's cool how it turned out. However, she still seems confused and as Mariposa asked....what did she say about the other guy?

[stormer1092]

Everything sounds great, I had heard about the texting thing, and how it is better to actually talk. However, I feel like you kind up pushed her to meet with you. I don't know if that's a good idea, if she wants to have a relationship with you she has to be 100% otherwise, she'll end up doing the same.

 

Did she talk about the other guy?

 

No she was the one who brought up meeting me last week. I just finally said "we are meeting up" I didn't tell her we had to that night. She agreed with everything. I'm giving her space for now. She needs time and no she didn't talk about the other guy. I asked her if she was still with him but other then that. No.

[stormer1092]

Not to say I told you so but....lol...I did say it would be better just to meet with her and find out what she wanted. That's cool how it turned out. However, she still seems confused and as Mariposa asked....what did she say about the other guy?

 

The only thing she said about the other guy is that nobody likes him. XDDDDD

[JoelBarish]

The only thing she said about the other guy is that nobody likes him. XDDDDD

 

Find out where he lives. I'll take care of him.

[stormer1092]

Find out where he lives. I'll take care of him.

 

1112 Douche St.

San Francisco, California.

[JoelBarish]

1112 Douche St.

San Francisco, California.

 

lmao - I think I've been playing too much GTA 5

[stormer1092]

Update: So its been a few days since I posted anything on here and just wanted to update everyone who's following my story. Well last Saturday we met up. It was the best thing that I could have done. Lots of assumptions on her part and we did nothing but talk. We have also seen each other since then also. Everything seems to be going very well. She broke up with this other guy the day after we met up and she told me that she wants to be with me. There was no negativity or awkwardness at all through all of this. We both felt very comfortable. We also went for lunch.

 

The spark is still there. She DOES think of me as someone she wants to be with. We have talked about so much and I told her things can't go back to what they used to be and we need more communication. She agreed to make the effort if we would get back together. She has really been working on herself also. She was SO excited to show me what she's been doing and working on. She just seemed very excited to have me back in her life. Now I'm just taking it day by day and just waiting for something to happen.

 

But still we both need more time to work things out but its been nothing but positive progress.

[Simon Phoenix]

Best of luck. Hope it works out and hope it's not just a temporary thing. Because that would suck worse than not reconciling at all.

[stormer1092]

Best of luck. Hope it works out and hope it's not just a temporary thing. Because that would suck worse than not reconciling at all.

 

Thanks. I hope we get through the problems and come out stronger then ever.

[JoelBarish]

So are you officially back together?

[heartshaped]

I think this is all very positive and good progressive. I hope things work out for you guys this time in the long run!

[thora-tiki]

Just take it slow. Like dead s-l-o-w.

 

Tip: Only meet once or twice a week the first few months.

 

No heavy talks right now, get to know each other.

You have all the time in the world for the heavy talks...

 

If you rush this time, you will only pick up right where you left off before the break up,

and find yourself broken up again.