Ex wants to meet up.

[stormer1092]

Because one word let her know that you are on the hook. She's basically using you for ego boosts. She's being wishy washy and now she's fishing for compliments.

 

Haha I ain't giving any compliments for her. I'm not on the hook either. I told her strait up if you want me then prove it I'm not playing any games.

[Simon Phoenix]

Haha I ain't giving any compliments for her. I'm not on the hook either. I told her strait up if you want me then prove it I'm not playing any games.

 

Then prove it by not responding to these games at all. If she wants you back, the fact that you don't respond won't mean crap. You've told her to prove it, now stop responding until she does. That means not saying "never" when she asks you stupid-ass questions like the one she texted you.

[heartshaped]

From what you said, she sounds insecure. I don't think she's game playing so much as she's confused, vulnerable, and doubting herself.

 

I'd give it some time and space.

[Philosoraptor]

Haha I ain't giving any compliments for her. I'm not on the hook either. I told her strait up if you want me then prove it I'm not playing any games.

You are clearly on the hook and she's using you as a self esteem and ego boost.

 

She's pretty much using you as emotional support while she's banging someone else.

 

She's telling you she's not sure if it's going to work... why would you even consider going back to someone who dumped you, rebounded, and is chatting with you while she is currently in a relationship with another guy?

[stormer1092]

From what you said, she sounds insecure. I don't think she's game playing so much as she's confused, vulnerable, and doubting herself.

 

I'd give it some time and space.

 

Kinda what I'm doing. I'm not starting anything. She seems to be opening up to me but I'm stills staying away until she knows what she wants.

[JoelBarish]

Stormer,

 

I have a question for you. A few times here you have said if your ex wants you back she has to make it up to you or prove it. What do you think would be satisfactory? I've been thinking about that because I wonder what I would do if my ex came back after being with someone else. My ex is so damn clingy. She just had to jump on someone else right away. I was thinking if I wanted her to prove that she wanted me and only me, she would have to be by herself for 6 months with little contact with me and not getting involved with anyone else. Then after 6 months if she still wants me and hadn't been involved with anyone, we could get back together.

 

What do you, and others think? Is that request too demanding or unreasonable ? This is all hypothetical of course, I don't see her coming back.

Edited October 10, 2013 by JoelBarish

[melell]

Honestly, if someone said to me 'if you want me then prove it' I would consider that person available, on the hook/sideline, and I would know if I felt like it I could prove it to them and get them back.

 

I wouldn't consider my chance gone, and them unavailable at all- quite the opposite.

[stormer1092]

Stormer,

 

I have a question for you. A few times here you have said if your ex wants you back she has to make it up to you or prove it. What do you think would be satisfactory? I've been thinking about that because I wonder what I would do if my ex came back after being with someone else. My ex is so damn clingy. She just had to jump on someone else right away. I was thinking if I wanted her to prove that she wanted me and only me, she would have to be by herself for 6 months with little contact with me and not getting involved with anyone else. Then after 6 months if she still wants me and hadn't been involved with anyone, we could get back together.

 

What do you, and others think? Is that request too demanding or unreasonable ? This is all hypothetical of course, I don't see her coming back.

 

My ex would have to leave this guy be by herself for a while until she proves to me that she knows what she wants. I can't put a time like 6 months on it. Just until I see proof. Very limited contact also.

[melell]

Stormer,

 

I have a question for you. A few times here you have said if your ex wants you back she has to make it up to you or prove it. What do you think would be satisfactory? I've been thinking about that because I wonder what I would do if my ex came back after being with someone else. My ex is so damn clingy. She just had to jump on someone else right away. I was thinking if I wanted her to prove that she wanted me and only me, she would have to be by herself for 6 months with little contact with me and not getting involved with anyone else. Then after 6 months if she still wants me and hadn't been involved with anyone, we could get back together.

 

What do you, and others think? Is that request too demanding or unreasonable ? This is all hypothetical of course, I don't see her coming back.

 

I think it is a good way to really make someone prove it lol. But maybe a bit much.

 

I will say when I met my ex I waited one month before agreeing to be together, and then 3 months before any intimate stuff. I figure if he waited, he did really like me.

 

Didn't stop him treating me like **** in the end though.

[stormer1092]

Honestly, if someone said to me 'if you want me then prove it' I would consider that person available, on the hook/sideline, and I would know if I felt like it I could prove it to them and get them back.

 

I wouldn't consider my chance gone, and them unavailable at all- quite the opposite.

 

So you're saying that you need to say you are unavailable? Doesn't make sense because then they won't even think about getting back with you. My ex didn't even think I still had feelings for her until I told her. She thought I completely moved on.

[melell]

Notice how when she thought you had no feelings she contacted you saying 'I know what I want', then as soon as you told her to prove it she was unsure.

 

=you are wasting your time with this.

 

Plenty of people, when they really do love someone will beat the door down to get someone back. NC doesn't seem to make any difference when someone really thought they made a mistake, they usually will tell them how they feel regardless.

Edited October 10, 2013 by melell

[stormer1092]

Notice how when she thought you had no feelings she contacted you saying 'I know what I want', then as soon as you told her to prove it she was unsure.

 

=you are wasting your time with this.

 

Plenty of people, when they really do love someone will beat the door down to get someone back. NC doesn't seem to make any difference when someone really thought they made a mistake, they usually will tell them how they feel regardless.

 

Oh yea about the whole "I know what I want thing" 2 minutes later she didn't know... She did text me during NC but I ignored them.

[melell]

So has she now told you she wants you back no matter what and she will prove it to you?

Has she started doing anything to prove it to you?

[stormer1092]

So has she now told you she wants you back no matter what and she will prove it to you?

Has she started doing anything to prove it to you?

 

Not everything happens overnight and yes she has been.

[melell]

Oh sorry, I see what you mean! I thought she didn't end up breaking it off with the other guy.

 

Good for you! Stand your ground

[stormer1092]

Oh sorry, I see what you mean! I thought she didn't end up breaking it off with the other guy.

 

Good for you! Stand your ground

 

Now I don't know whats going on between them. I don't know if she did or not. But she has been throwing our some pretty erotic text messages my way saying what she wishes she could do with me. Its only been 2 days remember. Give me time to work things out. I know what I'm doing.

[melell]

If you don't know whether they are together or not then no, you don't know what you are doing.

[stormer1092]

If you don't know whether they are together or not then no, you don't know what you are doing.

 

I don't even care if they are. He's just a damn shoulder to lean on.

[Mariposa10]

If you don't know whether they are together or not then no, you don't know what you are doing.

 

I agree. She could've broken up with the other guy BEFORE contacting you. This girl is just playing.

Anyway, as long as OP is not torturing himself (you know suffering a lot) and feels like playing along I guess that's fine. Keep in mind the message you're sending her and the behavior you're enforcing.

[stormer1092]

I agree. She could've broken up with the other guy BEFORE contacting you. This girl is just playing.

Anyway, as long as OP is not torturing himself (you know suffering a lot) and feels like playing along I guess that's fine. Keep in mind the message you're sending her and the behavior you're enforcing.

 

I'm not torturing myself at all to be truthful. It really doesn't hurt like it used to. NC really helped with that. But I know what message I'm saying and I know what I'm doing.

[Mariposa10]

I'm not torturing myself at all to be truthful. It really doesn't hurt like it used to. NC really helped with that. But I know what message I'm saying and I know what I'm doing.

 

That's good, I'd be horrible if you were. How long were you NC and how long were you two together? Did you date someone during NC? Is there someone you like right now besides your ex of course...

[stormer1092]

That's good, I'd be horrible if you were. How long were you NC and how long were you two together? Did you date someone during NC? Is there someone you like right now besides your ex of course...

 

NC for about 2 months and we were together for ~3.5 years. I did not date during NC but I did talk to other women just for fun. I don't like anyone else tho. I mean I think some girls are cute but right now I'm not looking anyway. Not bringing someone else into my current situation.

[JoelBarish]

I agree. She could've broken up with the other guy BEFORE contacting you. This girl is just playing.

Anyway, as long as OP is not torturing himself (you know suffering a lot) and feels like playing along I guess that's fine. Keep in mind the message you're sending her and the behavior you're enforcing.

 

So how would you guys play it? Send her a text that's basically an ultimatum and say "If you're ever single and serious about getting back together, try me and maybe I'll think about it. Until then there isn't anything to say". Then go NC and move on until and unless she ever makes up her mind?

[stormer1092]

So how would you guys play it? Send her a text that's basically an ultimatum and say "If you're ever single and serious about getting back together, try me and maybe I'll think about it. Until then there isn't anything to say". Then go NC and move on until and unless she ever makes up her mind?

 

I think the problem with that is that it shows you don't care enough to stick around for them. Like you're moving on without them. Like their chances are really low.

[Mariposa10]

So how would you guys play it? Send her a text that's basically an ultimatum and say "If you're ever single and serious about getting back together, try me and maybe I'll think about it. Until then there isn't anything to say". Then go NC and move on until and unless she ever makes up her mind?

 

I played it like this: as soon as I found out my ex of so many years had someone else. It's not really a relationship, but they are sleeping together. I asked him to stop contacting me. I stuck around months after the breakup. He told me he loved me and I was the one he wanted to marry, blah blah, but zero actions, and that he had stopped hanging out with this girl. But I knew I had to get myself out of such a horrible situation.