melell Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I think the problem with that is that it shows you don't care enough to stick around for them. Like you're moving on without them. Like their chances are really low. sheeeeeeeeesh Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 sheeeeeeeeesh just thinking out loud. I'm not at that point where I say that yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I think the problem with that is that it shows you don't care enough to stick around for them. Like you're moving on without them. Like their chances are really low. Nah, not really, they know how we feel. Getting myself out of this horrible situation was my way to gain some control and dignity back. When I asked my ex to stop contacting me, I could hear how shocked he was and how desperate he sounded, but I knew I had to do it. I know he loves me, but he's really confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Nah, not really, they know how we feel. Getting myself out of this horrible situation was my way to gain some control and dignity back. When I asked my ex to stop contacting me, I could hear how shocked he was and how desperate he sounded, but I knew I had to do it. I know he loves me, but he's really confused. And may I ask what has happened since and do you want to be with him again? Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 And may I ask what has happened since and do you want to be with him again? First of all, I stuck around for months after the breakup because I wanted 'to do my best, I wanted to keep trying. Also because I felt really really guilty by saying some stupid immature things I said, which I know were really hurtful for him, and until this day he says that's what destroyed our relationship. I know I won't say stuff like that in the future. He asked me for some time to "work out" his feelings. We still hung out every now and then, he wanted to have sex and all that stuff, but I told him I couldn't do it. So we talked on the phone/texted all the time. One day I decided to go LC, I stopped contacting him, but he would still contact me every single day. After work, during lunch just like when we were together. I tried not to ask about the new girl, I thought they were just hanging out as friends. However, one day I couldn't take it and asked him about her I asked him to tell me EVERYTHING. I still remember the tone of his voice when he said, "are you sure you want me to tell you everything." He told me they were pretty much **** buddies. I told him, I told you to please stop talking to me as soon as you were in a relationship, and he said he was not in a relationship. And that it was not the same when he hung out with her, that he always missed me, when he was with her etc. But for me having a **** buddy is like being in a relationship. But the straw that broke the camel was that he took her to a restaurant near my house, I'm around that area ALL THE TIME, we had our first date there. I went crazy when he told me that, can you believe how I would've felt if I had seen them together? Out of all the ****ING restaurants there are in this town he had to bring her to the one near my house? How cruel. I would've died if I had seen them together. Right now, I have zero interest in contacting him. I'm moving on, I can't move on if I keep asking myself if I want to be with him in the future. I've stopped thinking about "us." Just like he did when he decided to have sex with the new girl. So I'm just living my life, I'm focusing on the NOW. I'm enjoying being single. You can always check my threat. My situation is a little bit different than yours but in the end it's the same. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Anyway, my point was, they can tell you so many things, but ACTIONS speak louder. If I had stayed friends with him we would've gotten together. He told me he was not hanging out with her anymore. But what if he got confused again??? I can't afford to have my heart broken again. He needs to be on his own for awhile. When I stopped contacting him, he also lost his closest friend, and I take comfort in that! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 First of all, I stuck around for months after the breakup because I wanted 'to do my best, I wanted to keep trying. Also because I felt really really guilty by saying some stupid immature things I said, which I know were really hurtful for him, and until this day he says that's what destroyed our relationship. I know I won't say stuff like that in the future. He asked me for some time to "work out" his feelings. We still hung out every now and then, he wanted to have sex and all that stuff, but I told him I couldn't do it. So we talked on the phone/texted all the time. One day I decided to go LC, I stopped contacting him, but he would still contact me every single day. After work, during lunch just like when we were together. I tried not to ask about the new girl, I thought they were just hanging out as friends. However, one day I couldn't take it and asked him about her I asked him to tell me EVERYTHING. I still remember the tone of his voice when he said, "are you sure you want me to tell you everything." He told me they were pretty much **** buddies. I told him, I told you to please stop talking to me as soon as you were in a relationship, and he said he was not in a relationship. And that it was not the same when he hung out with her, that he always missed me, when he was with her etc. But for me having a **** buddy is like being in a relationship. But the straw that broke the camel was that he took her to a restaurant near my house, I'm around that area ALL THE TIME, we had our first date there. I went crazy when he told me that, can you believe how I would've felt if I had seen them together? Out of all the ****ING restaurants there are in this town he had to bring her to the one near my house? How cruel. I would've died if I had seen them together. Right now, I have zero interest in contacting him. I'm moving on, I can't move on if I keep asking myself if I want to be with him in the future. I've stopped thinking about "us." Just like he did when he decided to have sex with the new girl. So I'm just living my life, I'm focusing on the NOW. I'm enjoying being single. You can always check my threat. My situation is a little bit different than yours but in the end it's the same. Thats harsh. Some guys will have sex with anyone tho. To some guys it doesn't mean anything which is ****ed up. I see it as this tho. If she is sleeping with this guy I can't really do much about it because we aren't together and I don't own her. I pretty much accepted they are but I have no proof and truthfully I don't want to ever know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mariposa10 Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Thats harsh. Some guys will have sex with anyone tho. To some guys it doesn't mean anything which is ****ed up. I see it as this tho. If she is sleeping with this guy I can't really do much about it because we aren't together and I don't own her. I pretty much accepted they are but I have no proof and truthfully I don't want to ever know. Yes, I want to be like that. That's what I'm working on. Of course he's free to do whatever he wants, I don't own him. I just knew I had to get myself out of that situation.He had just started talking about how we wanted to take things slowly and all that, but I knew it was all too recent. After all the pain he caused me while he was having fun then he realized he missed me while he was with her? Too confusing. I don't think it's fair to be with someone while leading on your ex. It's not even fair to the new guy/girl. Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) But the straw that broke the camel was that he took her to a restaurant near my house, I'm around that area ALL THE TIME, we had our first date there. I went crazy when he told me that, can you believe how I would've felt if I had seen them together? Out of all the ****ING restaurants there are in this town he had to bring her to the one near my house? How cruel. I would've died if I had seen them together Don't know if you saw my thread about it but that EXACT thing happened to me last Friday night. My ex and her new "whatever" walked in on my family and I while we were out having dinner. I didn't die. But it sure as hell hurt... And as I said in another thread, I don't think my ex would come back. But I feel posting on here and thinking about reconciliation helps me clear out the "mental garbage" that is floating around in my head. Edited October 10, 2013 by JoelBarish Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yes, I want to be like that. That's what I'm working on. Of course he's free to do whatever he wants, I don't own him. I just knew I had to get myself out of that situation.He had just started talking about how we wanted to take things slowly and all that, but I knew it was all too recent. After all the pain he caused me while he was having fun then he realized he missed me while he was with her? Too confusing. I don't think it's fair to be with someone while leading on your ex. It's not even fair to the new guy/girl. I completely agree with it. But I feel like if I don't try at least I will always catch myself saying "what if?" Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I completely agree with it. But I feel like if I don't try at least I will always catch myself saying "what if?" She's the one who dumped you. It's up to her to try -- not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I think the problem with that is that it shows you don't care enough to stick around for them. Like you're moving on without them. Like their chances are really low. This is so wrong I don't know where to begin. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Is it fair to say that the dumper should make at least 90% of the effort if they are serious about reconciliation? I do think it is fair to say the dumper is guilty until proven innocent. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Is it fair to say that the dumper should make at least 90% of the effort if they are serious about reconciliation? I do think it is fair to say the dumper is guilty until proven innocent. Yep, unless they were a forced dumper this is correct. And by forced dumper, I mean that you made yourself such an ass in a situation that they dumped you out of frustration/anger/sadness, not the "I didn't pay attention enough" Monday Morning quarterback crap that most dumpees try to do to justify why they should be begging and pleading for the dumper. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 She's the one who dumped you. It's up to her to try -- not you. Well I guess I'm not really "trying" guess just being open minded about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yep, unless they were a forced dumper this is correct. And by forced dumper, I mean that you made yourself such an ass in a situation that they dumped you out of frustration/anger/sadness, not the "I didn't pay attention enough" Monday Morning quarterback crap that most dumpees try to do to justify why they should be begging and pleading for the dumper. Yea I can agree that they need to make an effort. But I don't agree with 90%? 10% is practically not doing anything and sitting on your ass? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 This is so wrong I don't know where to begin. Yea you're right. But i have to say my ex didn't even think that I still cared about her until I finally told her. Now it got her thinking about me. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yea I can agree that they need to make an effort. But I don't agree with 90%? 10% is practically not doing anything and sitting on your ass? You shouldn't do anything. You were the one dumped, why would you need to make an effort? You were basically fired from the relationship. Would you really kiss the ass of the boss who just threw you on the street? Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yea you're right. But i have to say my ex didn't even think that I still cared about her until I finally told her. Now it got her thinking about me. That's a bunch of bullsh*t. I realize you are young, but you can't be that naive. She said that just to see how you'd react. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 You shouldn't do anything. You were the one dumped, why would you need to make an effort? You were basically fired from the relationship. Would you really kiss the ass of the boss who just threw you on the street? No but don't you think I should stand up for what I want and make an effort? or am I just completely delusional? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 That's a bunch of bullsh*t. I realize you are young, but you can't be that naive. She said that just to see how you'd react. She never said that she didn't know. I told her how I felt and she said back to me that she also has feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 No but don't you think I should stand up for what I want and make an effort? or am I just completely delusional? You are completely delusional in this case. If you have to argue/manipulate/connive another person into being with you, then you are just wasting your time. Even if she did take you back, she'll dump you again the moment your manipulation wears off and probably have more contempt for you than she did before. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 She never said that she didn't know. I told her how I felt and she said back to me that she also has feelings. You just contradicted yourself. I think you are just going to keep spinning until we agree with you. So I agree, go for it dude. Link to post Share on other sites
JoelBarish Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yea I can agree that they need to make an effort. But I don't agree with 90%? 10% is practically not doing anything and sitting on your ass? See that was my question. If you were totally being hardcore about you'd say the ex should make 100% of the effort but that seems unreasonable and that the dumpee should have some part in it and that's why I said 90 to leave some room. What percentage do you think the dumpee should make, Stormer? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stormer1092 Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 You are completely delusional in this case. If you have to argue/manipulate/connive another person into being with you, then you are just wasting your time. Even if she did take you back, she'll dump you again the moment your manipulation wears off and probably have more contempt for you than she did before. Since when was I being manipulative? I barely said anything to her?? Link to post Share on other sites
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