Kimmie63 Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 I'm separated, for two years now. I'm waiting for my divorce to be final. It was his idea, not mine. I thought after I moved away, he'd come and get me. Then I was alone, and my STBXH had a girlfriend. So I met another man. The man is married. Who knew? Now our divorce judgement is going through, and my STBXH is getting married to the other woman as soon as the divorce is final. Her friends have been talking about it, and I know it is true. I am so pissed. My boyfriend is married, and my daughter hates him. I am afraid she will decide to be with my ex. That really really burns me. Can anyone relate? Kim Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 I realize that this may sound judgemental, so please take what I'm going to say with a grain of salt... So I met another man. The man is married. Who knew? He knew!! Why in the world would you stay with someone who's married after what you've been through? From the way you've phrased it, it sounds like your husband was involved with this "other woman" during your marriage? So, now your going to do the same thing to another woman's marriage? And while I can understand the hurt and pain that you must feel while you're worrying about being rejected by your daughter, how do you truly expect her to respond and feel?? Have you not raised her and taught her that you don't get involved with someone who's married, and now you turn around and violate that same teaching, and expect her to embrace the person you've turned to? And if your husband was involved in an affair that helped lead to your divorce and seperation, how can you possibly expect her to condone the same kind of actions that broke her family apart??? Look at this from your daughter's viewpoint. He's not honest (no one involved in an affair is honest...at least not when it comes to things like emotions, committment, relationships, etc...), and she can't see how anything good will come of this for you or for her. So, from her viewpoint, why should she like him? Other than her love for you, what is there for her to want to be with you as opposed to her father? Again, this isn't judging. Just asking you to think about it, from other viewpoints than your own. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Inovermyhead Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 I CAN!! My ex and I were not married, but, I was pregnant with his child and living with him. We were in a fairly long-term relationship. HE told me to leave. Said he needed time to get his sh** together, and when the baby was born, we would be together as a family. Well, I KNEW he was cheating on me. Thank god I didn't have the pleasure of walking in on them in the act. His fix was having me move out, the OW move in, asked her to marry him 2 months later. (I was then 5 months pregnant). They are now married, and he has nothing to do with our child. My now husband adopted my son. Just wanted to let you know I understand what you are going through!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kimmie63 Posted December 3, 2004 Author Share Posted December 3, 2004 He didnt date her until after I had been gone about 9 months. But he knew her from a club they both belonged to before. I didn't leave him because he was having an affair. I left him because he said he didn't love me, and that he couldn't find a reason to love me. I thought if he sat alone awhile, he would change his mine. But then he got a girlfriend. I am so pissed. My boyfriend now doesn't have a good job like my ex. With my ex, I never had to work. Now I have to work as an isurance claim clerk. It sux Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 3, 2004 Share Posted December 3, 2004 Find a better boyfriend...this one has two major strikes against him already... 1. He's got a lousy job. 2. He's MARRIED already, so you'll never have all of him. 3. You can't trust him. He lies to his wife about you, so you know he'll lie right back to you. 4. Your daughter hates him. 5. He makes you feel bad enough about what's going on that you asked advice here. 6. If all of your friends and family knew you were dating a married man, they'd be upset as heck about the whole thing. 7. YOU DESERVE BETTER!!! Sorry, I'm just a man...never truly learned how to count. Link to post Share on other sites
Bella Mia Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 You moved away and was hoping stbxh would come get you but he didn't. Then you met married man. I honestly believe at least in my situation any ways, that I am involved with someone who is "taken" because it takes away the pressure of a full blown relationship committment that I was not ready for. (that and instant attraction that could not be ignored on either end). The affair initially has a bandaid affect while the wounds heal or the protective barrier is not ready to come down. But then what? dynamics change, feelings change, and expectations change. You have mentioned that married man is in your life, but nowhere in your posts do I get any inkling that you are in any way emotionally or otherwise bonded to this man. How do you feel about him and your relationship with him? So my question to you, is this relationship with married man worth the risk of losing primary residence with your child? My other question is, why does your child even know about your relationship with married man?(I'm not judging you, I'm just curious) Do they know he is married? mine don't know about mine because it is not a normal relationship by any means. Children are smarter than we give them credit for and learn what we live. I only see my guy when my children are no where around because I don't want to have to explain/lie about why we never see him on holidays, or on weekends to name just a few major reasons that come to mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Kimmie63 Posted December 5, 2004 Author Share Posted December 5, 2004 He's one of their coaches, and frequently stays here. My youngest is ok with him, but the older one hates him. Maybe because she thinks I should be with her dad. It's possible for a while I encouraged that. But now I see there is nothing left. And it makes me angry that my ex is moving on with his gf and I am stuck here. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by Kimmie63 But now I see there is nothing left. And it makes me angry that my ex is moving on with his gf and I am stuck here. So is the real issue that you want your ex back? What are you angry about there?? You seperated, he found another woman, you found another man. Now you're angry because he's got someone and you don't??? Are you angry at being alone, or are you angry at your ex for having someone else? Not judging...its just that you seem a little confused over what you're mad about. And again, I'm not sure why you would be the least bit surprised that your daughter doesn't like the situation you're in, and doesn't care for the married man that her mom is now seeing. How would you feel if you were her? Link to post Share on other sites
Punky918 Posted December 16, 2004 Share Posted December 16, 2004 ok, im new here, actually i was searching for a site so i can get help about me coping with my boyfriends wife( they are separated) but i thought i would address you.....i may not have any grounds in saying what i have to say but here it goes, first of all, if u left ur hubby after him saying he didnt love you, what makes you think he was gonna come back, dont get me wrong i just think mabye right then and there the two of you should of had a talk about where your relationship was heading. second, he found someone new, be happy for him, even if you are alone the right man is really out there for you. and if you love him the best thing for you to do is let him be happy right? i might have alot more to say, and ill post my story soon but i have to get dinner done so ill try to write more later. ~G~ Link to post Share on other sites
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