ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Who said anything about years? It IS possible to make things happen to your advantage. In my case, my FMM did it. Took less than a year from the beginning of our affair until he left. What it did was give her some power in the situation so that she could feel stronger. There is someone, I can't think of who right now, on the infidelity side of this forum that is gathering intel right now. She may be devastated, but it sure helps that she is taking control, rather than be a helpless person. She is not putting up with it and that will help her be stronger. That doesn't make Lil #2. Just my opinion. Lil said it, actually. MMs been miserable with his wife for years. Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) 2sunny, I kinda think he doesn't know, maybe BS has a reason or maybe she doesn't. IMHO she knows how she's handling this is either going to make him beg for another chance or drive him insane wondering. She is pulling a 180 on him. Edited October 12, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Lil said it, actually. MMs been miserable with his wife for years. I actually meant that they would remain in an unhappy marriage for years, having an affair waiting for the BS to make a move. They've only been in an affair for 1 year. Unless I'm wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Yes a lil over a year in EA, 11mnths into PA currently Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Hang in there Lil. I've been where you are. It's not a fun place to be, especially the loss of control (which we really never had anyway), but it seems to feel worse at this time. Just let it happen, whatever it is. I wish you luck and a little bit of calm in the storm. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 This morning I questioned him on a lot of topics. Some questions were tougher to ask than others, but I'm glad I did. He seems sure, excited for the future And done as far as the BS goes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Hang in there Lil. I've been where you are. It's not a fun place to be, especially the loss of control (which we really never had anyway), but it seems to feel worse at this time. Just let it happen, whatever it is. I wish you luck and a little bit of calm in the storm. Thank you so much . The initial shock is fading. I'm hopeful for the future 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 This morning I questioned him on a lot of topics. Some questions were tougher to ask than others, but I'm glad I did. He seems sure, excited for the future And done as far as the BS goes. Where is he living now? Did his wife file? Is he saying he wants to be with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 He's been staying at his parents and going to their place when BS is at her parents. He has all the paperwork and combined situations have been/are being separated. Such as various accounts for various things. He talks about our future now, wants to make plans to do different things and says he hopes I'll stay by his side. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Lil when are you going to get a divorce? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 He's been staying at his parents and going to their place when BS is at her parents. He has all the paperwork and combined situations have been/are being separated. Such as various accounts for various things. He talks about our future now, wants to make plans to do different things and says he hopes I'll stay by his side. A healthy man would need alone time to process and be okay all on his own. Is he afraid to be alone? Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) Good idea. Your husband won't want another man living in his house either. Now that MM is moving out, shouldn't you file your own divorce? Harharharharhar you are hilarious. And helpful. Did I mention helpful? Edited October 12, 2013 by goodyblue 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 This man is a coward. He was a coward for leaving you when your husband almost kicked his ass and he's still showing it. She kicked him out. He won't tell you why. There is so much more to this story. Aside from her being a wife, a mother doesn't break a family up at 3 am with one simple fight. He had two women. Now one has kicked him to the curb. Do you believe you're going to get the truth and have him risk you dumping him, too? He is far too selfish to risk being alone. The other possibility here is that you know the truth and don't want to share it. Your choice but it would make more sense. Regardless, you weren't chosen. You might get him by default. Congrats. One move from her and he'd be right back with her. That would be all I needed to know. Now you get to be her. When he's over at her house or calling her, he will tell you it's all about the kids. Your mind will wander. Karma is a beautiful thing. Nice speculation of your take on the situation. I'm not an idiot and know they could decide to reconcile. I know as of this morning, he's treating the proceedings as a weight off his chest, although it is stressful. The bandage that's been hanging on by a few leg hairs has been ripped off. From where I stand, there is very little I can obviously get involved with or guide it's course, I'm not looking to manage him, you can look at it all as glass half full or half empty. I'm not generally a negative person so I'm gonna try to stick with that and let the cards fall as they may. I know in the end if he and I do make it to the other side hand in hand, him then going back to her isn't going to happen. I highly doubt it would happen now as his kids are doing well with things and that was his sole concern. I've never felt like his second choice, I really don't think I've ever been number two to her, he's never taken any action to suggest I was. He really is a good man, who fell in love with another woman long after he wasn't in love or getting along with his wife. That doesn't necessarily make him a demon. He's gentle, kind and loves his children. The incident with my x alone, doesn't make him a coward. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 How is it funny? It's a reasonable question. If Lil's MM is getting divorced and she doesn't want to be married to her H anymore, shouldn't she be considering her own divorce? Oh my god. Really? Like your jab about her husband not wanting another man living in his house wasn't a jab? Link to post Share on other sites
unicorn farts Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 This whole situation sounds like such a powderkeg. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Regardless, you weren't chosen. You might get him by default. Congrats. Karma is a beautiful thing. I kinda was chosen, he's not a serial cheater, been faithful to his wife until he and it met, shared a connection we couldn't ignore and he chose to peruse a R with me Thanks for your Congrats, if things progress as they have been, I suppose a congrats is in order. karma huh, karma is a spiteful hope to help spiteful angry people heal in their woes. The outcome will be as it was meant to be. I'm going to try to not imagine coming out with a broken heart, if he chooses to invest his heart back to her, c'est la vie, and I will post here grieving. I'm trying to not consume myself with that anxiety today 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Yes, really. It's not a jab. It's REALISTIC. If MM is going to live in her H's house, I have a feeling H won't be happy. I know my husband would let that happen and he would not be happy about either Link to post Share on other sites
Sofie2013 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Is there a reason as to why you haven’t filed for divorce yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Yes, really. It's not a jab. It's REALISTIC. If MM is going to live in her H's house, I have a feeling H won't be happy. The fact that he's never considered moving in as an option, and I've never considered moving him in as an option is what's realistic. Also I should mention , I alone RENT the big home I live in, so really my xH couldn't have much say in that. Luckily MM and I know what's the best course of action, in regards to living situations. I'm sure when the kids are not around we will spend lots of time together between the two homes. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I kinda was chosen, he's not a serial cheater, been faithful to his wife until he and it met, shared a connection we couldn't ignore and he chose to peruse a R with me Thanks for your Congrats, if things progress as they have been, I suppose a congrats is in order. karma huh, karma is a spiteful hope to help spiteful angry people heal in their woes. The outcome will be as it was meant to be. I'm going to try to not imagine coming out with a broken heart, if he chooses to invest his heart back to her, c'est la vie, and I will post here grieving. I'm trying to not consume myself with that anxiety today Now you're calling his wife "it"? Whatever happens, happens. Just give him space to end his marriage in a respectful and kind way, don't interfer, don't be his therapist. Allow him to grieve the loss of this big life change. Like it or not, he will still grieve the loss of his marriage, and have to let go of his life as he once knew it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Is there a reason as to why you haven’t filed for divorce yet? No good reason aside from my xH and I getting along good and living the separate life thing, yes the paperwork will come soon, my parents took many many years to actually get a D, all the while both dating their current SO. Eventually when my dad wanted to propose to my now step mom they filled out the paperwork. Now both couples are married and have been for 15+ years and both sets very happily! and friends all four are great friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Now you're calling his wife "it"? Whatever happens, happens. Just give him space to end his marriage in a respectful and kind way, don't interfer, don't be his therapist. Allow him to grieve the loss of this big life change. Like it or not, he will still grieve the loss of his marriage, and have to let go of his life as he once knew it. No, sorry that was supposed to say until he and I met, he was faithful. Damn auto Tyler on my tablet is messing up my spelling Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Yes, really. It's not a jab. It's REALISTIC. If MM is going to live in her H's house, I have a feeling H won't be happy. Um. You don't know what is realistic in her world. You meant it as a jab. It's clear. I'm sure you're trying to be 'helpful'... but your experience is coloring your responses. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 As much as it feels good to get it all out there, and reflect and bounce my situation off others, I do understand that my situation and the thought that he and I could wind up together and happy is a trigger to a few posters. I'm not a coward though, I'm taking the good with the bad responses, not gonna "ignore" posters, if it helps them to put a vile twist on what I present here, so be it. I'm not going to hold back because of it. I do thank everyone for the support and helpful advice 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I can almost feel the presence of vultures circling me here on LS, just waiting to feast off my body if I were to get hit by a bus. I'm gonna try to stay optimistic and hopeful. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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