Cali408 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 When I talk to him this evening I will know more. I keep getting lost in daydream, smiling.. but my head keeps bitch slapping my heart and I again start to doubt the D will happen, and for no real reason, but i've never been one to count my eggs before their in the basket. I just wanna count eggs already damnit! Your head is bitch slapping your heart because you're a smart woman who is making rash decisions with her vagina. His wife can't get rid of him fast enough. Wait until the divorce is final. Someone around town will say, "Betrayed Spouse looks great! The answer will be of course she looks great, she just lost 200 lbs." One woman's trash is another woman's treasure.... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 As it turns out a combination of abundant fighting and simply being fed up led to him realizing he would enjoy the time spent with his kids more without her around, even if its a little less time. That, or she came to that same conclusion regarding his presence. Or, less likely...they both came to that conclusion jointly. Just be cautious as you move forward. One of the other of them may have second thoughts and they may choose to "try again". It's not over til it's over...and often even then, it's not over. Take things slow and easy, one day at a time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 It is possible he had more women on the side than just you...and she found out. I highly doubt it, he wouldnt have the time to have an OOW, as well he doesnt go out with friends or anything to meet woman. Another reason I dont think he does is he promises to always be honest and transparent in our R, as I promised to him. And he's never lied to me yet. Good or bad, he's always been truthful, to me. Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yes, and the kids have been involved in finding a new place. Picking out furnishings. Then I would say the decision to D is pretty much final. Parents do not usually make that decision lightly. However, given the speed with which all of this has happened since he called you and told you he went to his family, I'm not sure if you are getting the real story from him. All of this is happening way too suddenly. I would ask MM to just be honest and tell you the truth. He may be trying to shelter you if there has been a D-Day because he doesn't want you involved in the drama or for you to think things are your fault. It seems like they really are getting D, but his story doesn't fit the timeline. People don't decide to D and have an appraiser at the house the next day. They also don't usually tell the kids within only a few days of making that decision. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Just be cautious as you move forward. One of the other of them may have second thoughts and they may choose to "try again". Yes, and that scares me, cause he told me in the begining that his M was done years ago, as far as being in love, communication, support, etc. When we started dating to present he has always claimed to not be in-love with BS, its a co-parent roomate thing, etc etc. So if he chooses to try again, that throws everything he said out the window, I know thats when I have to walk. Should I tell him that? or is that just pointless and seem like i'm trying to strong arm him into "picking me" when really this should be about picking being happy for him. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Make no mistake about it, his wife kicked him out, she is the one driving the divorce, she is the one tired of his lazy azz. She is a successful, strong, independent woman. She does not NEED a man. He grossly overestimated his worth to her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Home appraiser, divorce lawyer...that woman is DONE. and you can't undone a done bun. He is yours...plan away. No need to make him chose sides...his wife does NOT want him. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Your head is bitch slapping your heart because you're a smart woman who is making rash decisions with her vagina. His wife can't get rid of him fast enough. Wait until the divorce is final. Someone around town will say, "Betrayed Spouse looks great! The answer will be of course she looks great, she just lost 200 lbs." One woman's trash is another woman's treasure.... The wife is my new hero! I wish my mother would have thrown my father out like this. I tried to convince her for years to leave. But noooooo! This woman rocks! She probably knows this man's true nature and knows he will not change so she is willing to run for the hills when she has the chance. I sort of doubt she will be as upset will Lil as I originally thought. Her actions are telling me IF she did know about Lil, she may send a thank you card and flowers. I know I would!!! Husband must be a real winner for her to act this fast. Ya never know someone till the honeymoon period is over and you live with them! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 threelaurels, I agree about the kids, he says they didn't want to hide everything from them and he wanted to include them in the decision where to live when they're with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Ya never know someone till the honeymoon period is over and you live with them! I agree with this. I could live in the honeymoon period forever. Some couples find a way to always be connected to the honeymoon period, I want a love like that 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Make no mistake about it, his wife kicked him out, she is the one driving the divorce, she is the one tired of his lazy azz. She is a successful, strong, independent woman. She does not NEED a man. He grossly overestimated his worth to her. She is all those things you mention, I always gave that to her. She also has a strong circle of friends who according to him back her decision and have D experience themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 She is all those things you mention, I always gave that to her. She also has a strong circle of friends who according to him back her decision and have D experience themselves. That says so much. People closest are telling HER to divorce HIM. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Sounds as though it's the BS that started this separation rolling. Apparently, she didn't want him nearly as much as he thought she did. I honestly don't think I'd want to be with someone only because someone else was done with him and set him free. That would make me kind of feel like 2nd choice. Shes always been his second choice. Always. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 That says so much. People closest are telling HER to divorce HIM. There is something this man is not telling Lil. Wife kicks him out at 3:00 AM. Calls an appraiser and makes appointment for divorce lawyer. This seems way too odd. I am sure there is something wrong with WS and his behavior lately has just been the straw that broke the camels back. If people are telling BS to divorce him, there must be a real bad part of him they see. But Lil cannot. I still cannot understand how she thinks it is ok for MM to talk about her and his affair to his friend and bring her around his family as his GF. These things are absolutely disrespectful, but she somehow sees it as validation he loves her. How his actions translate to love in her mind is very telling. Most people can see the disrespect there, but Lil is oblivious. He picked a perfect affair partner. I am sure their union will be lasting since she is ok with whatever he does. Or she does not ask too many questions for fear of making him "uncomfortable" or make him think she is "controlling". He is running the show in Lil and his relationship and she is the Lil girl who lets him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 (edited) Lil, this post was started at 412am on October 9th. Its October 11th. Please understand you are NOT getting the entire truth... if any truth at all. Just pathetic that you believe this and believe he has never lied to you. For all you know, he never left the house at 3am. For all you know, he is selling his house to move into a new one with his wife and kids therefore getting an appraisal on the house before selling. For all you know, the appraiser doesnt exist. For all you know, the kids are involved because the kids will be living in the new house with Mommy and Daddy. For all you know, he hasnt looked at any places to live and hasnt brought his children anywhere with him. For all you know, all of this could be bull****. Dont start counting any darn eggs, Girl. Silly move if you do. Its all words. Talk to the BW and get her truth. I know you wont because you dont want to upset MM but it would lead you to the truth. He is not telling you the truth. Im not convinced you care about the truth so long as you get him... the prize. I truly worry you have your head so far into the clouds right now that you arent seeing things clearly. Back off for now, support him but dont run to him, and just let things happen. This will all take more than 2 days. In the last 2 days, hes had the chance to tell his children of their divorce, taken them to look at numerous apartments, taken them to look at furniture and had an appraiser at the house. Do these folks work and do the kids attend school? When has all of this actually happened? When I count the number of hours in a day, I come up with 24 hours. I cant see how all of this has taken place in this amount of time. Do they live in a world where there are 48 hours in a day? Edited October 11, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny_Girl Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 A relationship built on lies will end in lies. Don't you worry that even if you get the "prize" once he tires of you, you will then become the BS (which I think is an unfair term by the way). Not sure if you have children but if so, I really hope she never has to deal with the OW in her marriage. Even if you MM marriage was falling apart...at least let them divorce first before getting involved. I don't mean to sound judgmental, just expressing my opinion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecharade Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I think, Lil, that your MM got what many want: a D without being the bad guy. So, from everything I've read about having an R with a divorced dad, you'll get a man with less guilt who will be more content. It still won't be a walk in the park, but if he is going to get a D, HER wanting it is faarrr better than him wanting it. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I think, Lil, that your MM got what many want: a D without being the bad guy. So, from everything I've read about having an R with a divorced dad, you'll get a man with less guilt who will be more content. It still won't be a walk in the park, but if he is going to get a D, HER wanting it is faarrr better than him wanting it. I disagree - it means her OM didn't make a plan and set it into motion thinking he needed to be with Lil - it means he would have chosen to stay M - and that makes Lil choice #2 at best. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Lol. Sometimes that IS the plan. Let it be the BS's idea. That way she can be pissed, but she won't be a martyr. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ForeverHopeful1 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Lol. Sometimes that IS the plan. Let it be the BS's idea. That way she can be pissed, but she won't be a martyr. So the plan is to stay miserable for years so a divorce is her idea? This man has been miserably married for years just so his wife would end it instead? Youre dont really believe that do you? Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 She is all those things you mention, I always gave that to her. She also has a strong circle of friends who according to him back her decision and have D experience themselves. Sounds like his BS has her head on straight. Good for her for kicking him out. There is always much more to the story. Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Who said anything about years? It IS possible to make things happen to your advantage. In my case, my FMM did it. Took less than a year from the beginning of our affair until he left. What it did was give her some power in the situation so that she could feel stronger. There is someone, I can't think of who right now, on the infidelity side of this forum that is gathering intel right now. She may be devastated, but it sure helps that she is taking control, rather than be a helpless person. She is not putting up with it and that will help her be stronger. That doesn't make Lil #2. Just my opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
sweet_pea Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 So Lil, when will you be getting your divorce? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Update: So we met and he showed me the paperwork drawn up from the D lawyer as we'll the paperwork for the place he wants to get. Yes the BS is moving full steam ahead, as well as is he. They have a draft of what contents of the house they will divide and custody decided. She already went and opened a new bank account and separated his and her cell phone contract. She wants everything done asap. She hasn't given any real reason for hurrying everything except that she just wants to get it taken care of right away. She's having her rich family paying him off to walk away from the house so it doesn't get sold. They even agreed on an amount based on the appraisers paperwork. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 So Lil, when will you be getting your divorce? Yeah that's a good question. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts