BrokenPrincess Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Ok this is getting downright bizarre. I have never heard of just deciding on everything & moving out, all done, no contest, within like 3 days, much less with no real event spurring the split! Lil, I know you usually don't feel secure enough to ask your MM any tough questions, but this is crazy! Don't you want to know the full story, for better or worse???? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I did ask, he jokingly said maybe she's interested in another guy. That could be a big possibility. What I know of her is she is well organized and controlling. It could be that she wants everything done her way, or at least initiated her way to beat him to the punch. I don't know the why, neither does he. All I know is that she is shovelling the coal into the fire at warp speed to get it all wrapped up. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I did ask, he jokingly said maybe she's interested in another guy. That could be a big possibility. What I know of her is she is well organized and controlling. It could be that she wants everything done her way, or at least initiated her way to beat him to the punch. I don't know the why, neither does he. All I know is that she is shovelling the coal into the fire at warp speed to get it all wrapped up. He knows why. Don't accept MORE of his lies as truth! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 BPrincess, You are right and I don't like to ask tough questions, I'm trying to approach the questions in a round about way to get the answers so I don't go crazy. I know he's stressed right out with the pace of everything. I'm trying to be more assertive, I'm a mix of people pleaser and peace keeper, I've Lways been that way, so it's completely out of my comfort zone to press and pressure. I'm more a hugger/healer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 2sunny, I kinda think he doesn't know, maybe BS has a reason or maybe she doesn't. IMHO she knows how she's handling this is either going to make him beg for another chance or drive him insane wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 BPrincess, You are right and I don't like to ask tough questions, I'm trying to approach the questions in a round about way to get the answers so I don't go crazy. I know he's stressed right out with the pace of everything. I'm trying to be more assertive, I'm a mix of people pleaser and peace keeper, I've Lways been that way, so it's completely out of my comfort zone to press and pressure. I'm more a hugger/healer. Really? He must think you're a fool for not asking! You are training him to give you lies...omissions/half truths and blatant lies. Since YOU won't even ask - you have no one to blame but yourself= because you avoid reality by staying quiet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Ok this is getting downright bizarre. It seems from the feedback I've always gotten in general, our whole A is downright bizarre. The one thing I do know is the bs is at the helm of this ship right now and it's full speed ahead. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 2sunny, I have gotten the answers to the questions that were lingering in my head. After the anxiety I went through today, I couldn't go another day not knowing. It's just I approached the questioned in a passive way, but still got the answers and I will sleep better tonight because of it Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 2sunny, I have gotten the answers to the questions that were lingering in my head. After the anxiety I went through today, I couldn't go another day not knowing. It's just I approached the questioned in a passive way, but still got the answers and I will sleep better tonight because of it Why don't you want ALL of his truth about what is happening - and what happened recently to make his wife suddenly make such BIG changes to their married life? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 He doesn't know himself, aside that she wants to rip the band aid off and move forward. He wants this too, but can't figure out her haste and motives. We talked about that tonight, cause is wanted to know if she knew about us. He doesn't think she knows anything about us. He also can't figure out the rush. Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 If it is true, that they agreed to division of assets and custody in a day...then it is true..i guess. Never personally heard of such a thing.....it takes a while to get all records of pensions, bank accounts, list of assets, insurances..etc. but if he said it happened in a couple of hours at a lawyers office....and you believe him...then it happened. And the part about the kids being happy about daddy picking out an apt? That is beyond bizarre to me. again...never heard a parent doing that. Its like your kids enabling the ending of their family...who puts that on their kids? Why not send them to see the lawyer too. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Speakingofwhich Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 It's kind of hard to believe she hasn't figured out that you and MM are involved given your description of her. She doesn't sound like anybody's fool. But, anything is possible! In any event; however, it's fantastic that they are proceeding in such a civil manner. Hopefully, it will continue this way. I'm happy for you and MM, Lil. And I'm happy for BW as she will now have the opportunity to find a man who will love her as she should be loved. That is, if she wants one! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BrokenPrincess Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 2sunny, I kinda think he doesn't know, maybe BS has a reason or maybe she doesn't. IMHO she knows how she's handling this is either going to make him beg for another chance or drive him insane wondering. I think she has a definitive reason. She's planned this--the appointments so fast, her family agreeing to buy him out, discussions with friends. I figure it's either (a) she has someone else, or (b) she found out about the A and was already too done with this M to even consider reconciling. Either way, something is definitely motivating her to move FAST. I don't think she's playing games to keep him guessing. Either he knows and doesn't want to tell you or she just hasn't played all her cards yet. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Nothing is finalized, but she spent a lot of time planning what she thinks is fair, from what I know of it (even though it's none of my business) I think it's fair, MM also mostly agrees with the exception of a couple little things, pretty insignificant things but I'm sure he'll just give into what she "drafted". Trust me nobody's more in shock about this than me, and it's hard to doubt it when he has paperwork in hand. Who knows maybe they'll change their minds, I told him I would respectfully step aside if he wanted to give it another shot with her. Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I think she has a definitive reason. She's planned this--the appointments so fast, her family agreeing to buy him out, discussions with friends. I figure it's either (a) she has someone else, or (b) she found out about the A and was already too done with this M to even consider reconciling. Either way, something is definitely motivating her to move FAST. I don't think she's playing games to keep him guessing. Either he knows and doesn't want to tell you or she just hasn't played all her cards yet. Maybe she knew what was going on for quite some time and was able to act with a level and pragmatic head. She may have all her ducks in a row and is all set up to protect her children and her self from being hurt. She may have already spoken with a lawyer, knows what her right/obligations are, and has gotten herself well prepared. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I think she has a definitive reason. She's planned this--the appointments so fast, her family agreeing to buy him out, discussions with friends. I figure it's either (a) she has someone else, or (b) she found out about the A and was already too done with this M to even consider reconciling. Either way, something is definitely motivating her to move FAST. I don't think she's playing games to keep him guessing. Either he knows and doesn't want to tell you or she just hasn't played all her cards yet. Yeah I wonder why, -Maybe she has an OM, as she just changed positions recently, so new mix of people, possibilities. -If she knew about the A, why wouldn't the D lawyer catch wind of it? -He's always very respectful to women, but, what if he lost his cool, said horrible things to her and threatened a D, and she called him on it? That would explain if he was hiding the reason from me? He just says he doesn't know. But she seems to be gaining speed, and with this theory I would assume she would kinda get over the fight at some point by now? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 Why don't you want ALL of his truth about what is happening - and what happened recently to make his wife suddenly make such BIG changes to their married life? Maybe he actually doesn't know yet? And he's telling me the truth about that. I'm sure I'll find out eventually either way. How do I pry for more information if he says he doesn't know? He's not begging to get her back, he seems a little stressed out but mostly confident about the future, so maybe he's not drilling her about why things are moving fast, maybe that works for him? I know I wish I knew, but it's also possible that's how she handles things in general and there's no rabbit in the hat after all? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Not likely - he knows, believe me. Link to post Share on other sites
snowflakes88 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Of course he knows. I agree with those who said she has had this planned for awhile... seems she had all of her ducks in a row and was just waiting for the right time to dump him on his ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I feel less anxiety about them possibly reconciling. I know it's still a long road. I'm feeling optimistic How do I go about things now? I know what his answer will be but should I ask him if he wants his own space leading to opportunities to see what the dating scenes like? I know he is in love with me and will say no, so would asking this be like I don't value our love/R? I know he won't want to, but as the D stuff progresses our R is forced to evolve, transition or cease. I guess I'm wondering about this transition time. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Give him loads of space to process the demise of his marriage. He must have a heap of emotions to process...hopefully one thought of how he contributed to ruining his M. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I can attest to this. After a divorce or seperation that is due to an affair, there IS a great deal of resentment towards the AP by the MP once reality hits home. Instead of rightfully blaming oneself for contributing to the marital breakup, you begin to blame the AP and resent the hell out of them. Divorce is a rollercoaster of emotions in the best of circumstances, but divorces that come about because of an affair really double the length of the ride and triple the emotional fallout. This may be in some cases but not all. We didn't experience this on either side. I never blamed him and as far as I am aware never got a whiff of him blaming me. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Sounds as though it's the BS that started this separation rolling. Apparently, she didn't want him nearly as much as he thought she did. I honestly don't think I'd want to be with someone only because someone else was done with him and set him free. That would make me kind of feel like 2nd choice. Whoa, so you wouldn't date someone that wasn't the one who filed? That seems . . . . odd. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Good lord the amount of speculating, and gossiping and scheming on this thread is hilarious! Puts a sewing circle (or what I have seen more of a bunch of middle age men) to shame. Crap I am in the boat thinking she may have a "second choice" there too and going after it. In all seriousness, Lil, if you are actually planning on a future with him, stop shying from the hard questions. You should know these answers. Of course what has evolved in the past two days is quite a bit and not like our situation, but there are many roads to Rome. Lil, this is a turning point in your relationship with him. Some move forward, some don't. Keep assessing, is this someone I want in my life? Is this someone I value? Is this someone that values me? Do I like this person? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I feel less anxiety about them possibly reconciling. I know it's still a long road. I'm feeling optimistic How do I go about things now? I know what his answer will be but should I ask him if he wants his own space leading to opportunities to see what the dating scenes like? I know he is in love with me and will say no, so would asking this be like I don't value our love/R? I know he won't want to, but as the D stuff progresses our R is forced to evolve, transition or cease. I guess I'm wondering about this transition time. For us, it was a matter of keeping communication open and allowing him to talk about his feelings, with me having to learn how to not take things personally. We did fine though, and here we are. Link to post Share on other sites
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