so it turns out my gf is a bigger liar than i thought

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

Are you sure you believe this?

 

He was badmouthing me, saying she shouldn't be with me, and she was defending me. She also said he had no right to say anything since his sister was marrying a bad guy (based on events earlier that day).

 

 

Well, I doubt she was defending me as much as I would have liked, because she still offered to be friends with him later. But I do believe it to a certain extent because of two things:

 

1. She was crying on the phone when she called me Friday night and was at my house the next morning (as opposed to staying up there the whole weekend).

2. In the beginning, she talked fairly highly of this guy. Thinking back over everything after this incident, I realize I haven't heard her talk about Alex in months; I assume due to this episode. She speaks poorly of him now.

[savethedrama4allama]

I dunno man. Only you know your girl and the situation. Just proceed with caution. It smells like trouble to me, and I'd hate to see you waste your time with a girl who is just going to end up hurting you. Seems like you have a lot to offer an honest woman.

[tanbark813]

Thanks, and I will be cautious. I have too many trust issues to just be 100% over it right away. I told her she'll need to be okay with me being more paranoid about things if we're going to work this all out.

 

The thing is, I can see her side of things. Because of my baggage from past relationships, I'm not an easy person to be with. I know I have very high expectations of a SO. I'm not saying what she did was right, of course, but I can see how it would have happened.

 

I laid down the law and made it clear that if there were any more dishonesty in the future, that would be the end of things.

[savethedrama4allama]

I know, my boyfriend has lied before and I took him back. Yeah- you better believe I'm paranoid. I check phone bills and everything. I'd be a fool not to. But I bought his story that he was lying to avoid conflict and that he won't do it again, and so far (4 months later) I haven't found any evidence to prove otherwise. He was willing to take the paranoia, and I was willing to take the chance.

 

I guess no relationship is perfect, is it.

[tiki]

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

He was willing to take the paranoia, and I was willing to take the chance.

 

...this is a perfect way of putting it, llama. You ain't no llama foo.

 

Tanbark, I admire your ability to forgive. I agree, just proceed with caution.

 

And wtf? Elephant tranqs? Are you kiddin me?!

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by tiki

And wtf? Elephant tranqs? Are you kiddin me?!

 

 

Nope. He's some straight-edge Jesus-freak now. Weak.

[savethedrama4allama]

Elephant tranqs + jesus freak.

 

Thats friggin crazy.

[Wren]

I'm really sorry that happened to you. You totally deserve better. In my experience with (myself), friends and girls I've known, women can be as much a pack of dogs (if not more) than men. I think back to some of the s***ty things I did to boyfriends and I think "I would have had a hissy fit if somebody did that to me". I'm really embarrassed to think of how I treated some people. At 28, I finally have my act in gear and I don't need the attention of every man alive to validate my self-esteem. (which is the problem with so many girls)

 

Try dating more emotionally mature women, if that translates into older women, then go for it. And I'm not trying to pawn off uber-christian advice, but don't look for her in a bar. I met my husband in K-Mart.

[EC]

Maybe your gf is friends with Jessica. F*cking liars.

 

Couldn't help myself.

 

Sorry Tanbark but I don't know It sounds to me like she liked the attention from somoneelse and I think she went to Tahoe and something went wrong between them and you didnt know anything about it so she stayed with you and thought you would never find out.

 

But then again I won't assume because I hate when people assume stories and they think they were there and saw what happened.

 

As long as she is honest from now on and you can see past this then ok.

[Pocky]

And wtf? Elephant tranqs? Are you kiddin me?!

 

Poor Ketamine..dun got replaced by elephant tranquilizers.

[tiki]

God I'm so out of the drug loop.

 

Elephant tranqs?

 

Ketamine?

 

Oh fwell.

[savethedrama4allama]

Where do you even get elephant tranqs?? The zoo? The vet? Do you tell the vet that you have an elephant in your backyard at home and hey, he's a little jumpy today, and needs some tranqs?

 

Ain't it fun when you can laugh at your "opponent", tanbark? If you have to worry about this loser- your girlfriend is a mo-ron.

[tiki]

MUST STOP LLAMA.

 

OMG do they have llama tranqs?

[EC]

OMG do they have llama tranqs?

 

LMAO

[savethedrama4allama]

I dont know if they have them, but if they do I could use a good shot in the arse!

 

Okay dirty minds, I mean with a needle filled with tranqs not with anything else!!

[tiki]

Haha, you know I didn't mean it.

 

 

needs a tranq

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

I wish you luck but it seems to me that you are with a girlfriend who enjoys having other men flirt with her and does not seem to have any problem lying, making up stories and being dishonest with you. The best predictor of future behavior is generally past behavior. I have found that most people that lie cannot stop lying since it is part of their personality makeup. The dishonesty permeates every aspect of their lives. I hope you are not settling. I wish you the best but I have a hunch we have not heard the last of this.

[tanbark813]

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

Ain't it fun when you can laugh at your "opponent", tanbark? If you have to worry about this loser- your girlfriend is a mo-ron.

 

 

Yeah, I'm not threatened by the guy at all. I know I'm a better catch than he is. I'm more pissed off that my gf didn't stop associating with the guy the first time he talked s*** about me. I would think she would have more loyalty than that.

[Fritz]

Originally posted by tanbark813

Yeah, I'm not threatened by the guy at all. I know I'm a better catch than he is. I'm more pissed off that my gf didn't stop associating with the guy the first time he talked s*** about me. I would think she would have more loyalty than that.

 

Aye, which would make me worry. In my experience, even if you are a "better catch" that doesn't mean jack to some women.

 

Also,

2. She wanted attention from Alex. She wasn't interested in him, but liked the attention he gave her since he was interested in her.

 

Did she actually say that too you? If so, I'd be gone personally. That screams "attention whore" who may, just may, cheat on you in the future.

 

Good luck bud.

[pennyforthoughts]

my wife has been cheating on me for about 4 months now and actually I think its not too bad a deal. I have a problem with ED so at least she is getting some satisfactory sex and takes some pressure off me. She has mentioned numerous times that she is not interested in leaving me or our family. I'm starting to wonder if its not the best of 2 worlds

[Bryanp]

Hey Pennyforyour thoughts.

 

So you think this is the best of both worlds: Having your wife having sex with another man and putting your health at risk for STD's. I am sure you feel very proud that she is your wife. How sad for you.

[babybear]

I took back my bf after cheating...so I'm not gonna sit around and say that it should never be done. I believe it can work out.

 

However, her liking his attention enough to lie to you to get it, just seems like a big red flag. In a gf, you want someone who doesnt need to be validated so much by other ppl. What if you go outta town on business, or get really busy with something and can't pay her all the attention she needs. Is she gonna find it elsewhere?

 

I agree you should be cautious for awhile. Make her call you and check in and let you know her whereabouts. She created the doubts, and now she needs to be patient with you while you deal with it.

 

 

Best of Luck! Babybear

[Mary3]

If she lied about the trip what are the odds she is lying to you about how "Alex said **bad things** " and how she defended you ?

[mental_traveller]

Originally posted by tanbark813

 

I told her the bottom line is she made plans to spend a holiday weekend with another man in Tahoe and lied to me about it. Even if nothing happened I still consider that cheating. I told her I have absolutely no tolerance for lies and cheating. She thinks she's not a cheater. I think she is.

 

I also told her I should have known better than to date a cokewh0re. I was mad.

 

Whether she is a "cheater" or not, she is clearly prepared to lie about something fairly significant. That is not really something you want in a serious relationship, as you can no longer trust them. As for her drug habits, taking coke doesn't make you a bad person. However, in my experience, most people who take drugs more than for the occasional experiement tend to be rather impulsive, more self-centered than average, and of somewhat lax morality.

 

IMO you partly have yourself to blame. You dated someone who you felt had a character flaw, and then you're all disappointed when they turn out to be less than 100% truthful? Would you entrust your savings to a convicted thief, or ask a procrastinator to get an urgent job done? If you want to find someone with a certain characteristic, then stop dating people who display the opposite. If you want honesty, look at a woman's behaviour and reputation for evidence that she is indeed honest, don't just assume that everyone will be like that - only a minority are.