Feel like I'm going backwards...

[Shocked Suzie]

Hi all, hope everyone's doing ok. Not been on here for ages, life's been pretty hectic.. On final house sale, have moved again and had the surgery I've been waiting ages for done. Been chatting to a old friend and really connect with him, can chat for ages and makes me feel great, only problem is he's 24hr flight away n we both have children commitments... Unfortunate as I like him a lot and the feeling is mutual ... Always been an attraction but we were both in other relationships

 

I'm nearly there, just final stage..sorting out the minimal money that's left, then the divorce. I'm where I've been fighting for nearly a year, so why all the sudden do I feel like I'm going backwards! I feel nothing for my ex, just feel like I've hit a wall... Keep over thinking everything and being really hard on myself ... Really not helping being stuck in my operation recovery.

 

Feel so close but all the sudden so far!

 

SS x

[Tom amoss]

Hi SS.

 

I'm not one to give advice, but from what you have advised me, and all the help you have given me, I think you will get through this blip.

You are one of the good people.

Hang in there U

Love Tom

[Shocked Suzie]

Thanks Tom

 

 

Just so over, over thinking and having those days of low self worth... Got so many friends telling me how well n far I've come! Why the hell can I not see it

 

 

How you going Tom yourself? Hope your ok

 

SS x

[trippi1432]

Perhaps somewhere you feel you should have held out for him and fixed him...maybe he would see your real worth and value you for who you are. It's really not you, it's something he won't see and it has nothing to do with you Suzie, sometimes fighting and hanging on for those who don't see our value aren't really worth it. WE just can't let go.

 

It really is okay to let go of what hurts you. It's about how long you want to hurt...they let go a long time ago. Happiness starts inside of you, and it's okay to be happy even when you know they don't want you to be. Don't ever feel guilty about being happy.

[Shocked Suzie]

Think some of this feeling is because I've had to have some contact with him, it's his whole distance with it all even in relation to being so disconnected with his own children. Suppose in a way I'm a. 'Lets get things sorted' type of person ... Feel like a bit of a failure and a bit silly that i missed these now obvious personality signs in this person I was married to.

 

Often wonder if I'll ever trust again and I'm sick of questioning myself and who I am and if I'll ever find someone who loves me for being just me, not until we split I saw that my ex really hasn't liked me for sometime even more so now because he shows so much hate... This baffles me because I've never had that much discontent for anyone before, even after all this I don't 'hate' him... I just understand that in life this stuff just happens and everyone deserves happiness with a loved one, I really don't wish bad thoughts for him and his gf... I more wonder if I will ever feel the love, openness and honesty with anyone ever again because of my broken trust.

 

I know I will be happy, I've been happy since our split... Felt ontop of the world, strong happy... Just not being in a place that's not my choosing

 

I dunno even if I'm making sense lol ... Just thought I'd feel different to what I do now, as I fought so hard to get here.

Edited October 10, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[Shocked Suzie]

Perhaps somewhere you feel you should have held out for him and fixed him...maybe he would see your real worth and value you for who you are. It's really not you, it's something he won't see and it has nothing to do with you Suzie, sometimes fighting and hanging on for those who don't see our value aren't really worth it. WE just can't let go.

 

It really is okay to let go of what hurts you. It's about how long you want to hurt...they let go a long time ago. Happiness starts inside of you, and it's okay to be happy even when you know they don't want you to be. Don't ever feel guilty about being happy.

 

 

This is the thing can't seem to hold into the happiness inside myself? And what it is that makes me happy... If I was to answers that question right now, it's family, love and friendship ... I can keep my family safe, loved and happy as possible but love & friendship ... I suppose I'm scared stiff of feeling this hurt again

Edited October 10, 2013 by Shocked Suzie

[Misadventure]

Suzie, at least though.. the end of this is coming to a close and you can really start fresh and anew.

 

I know he hurt you completely...I don't know if you will ever let yourself fully trust again.. but I think you are such a giving and sweet person to not try to or want to.. when the right person is worthy and earns it.