In search of... a lover who will be my friend first

[cheryllynne]

Okay, so I'm new here. I found this place by doing a Google search. Anyway, I am smack in the middle of starting my life over from scratch after being married all my life.

 

I can't believe how much things have changed since I was last in the dating scene. Every man I've met so far has wanted to go straight from hello to the bedroom. And the online guys are even worse - don't even get me started on some of the conversations I've had in the last several months with these guys.

 

Why is it so hard to find a man who is willing to get to know me and have conversations that don't involve sex? I'm so sick of the first words on the chat screen being "can I get a full naked body shot?"

 

Listen, I'm not hiding who I am. I'm not as young as I used to be and I'm not a fitness model either. But for heaven's sake, isn't there anyone out there willing to have a few conversations before the full court press starts?

[StalwartMind]

Well first of all a big welcome to you.

 

It can be an intimidating process to start all over, whether it is a friendship or a relationship, and in this case both, one seek. I naturally can't speak for everyone on this planet but we all have different patience, and thus I guess in today's world a lot of people are more interested in getting to the "fun" part first rather than building a solid foundation through a starting friendship that can blossom into so much more.

 

I'm not one to judge how other people desire their friendships/relationships but to me it's all about finding someone you are really compatible with as it yields the best results.

 

I personally couldn't imagine having any kind of meaningful relationship or friendship with anyone, without knowing them really well. Unfortunately to get to know someone really well you must commit yourself to invest time in that someone else, and this is probably one of the major things most people don't find themselves having enough of.

 

People are so incredibly different and we all have such varied standards of what we find acceptable and what we look for in a friend or partner. Like many others have mentioned before and will again, it is most certainly an advantage if you have activities where you can meet people of similar interests.

 

It helps to have an open mind and since you are starting from scratch perhaps you can find some new interests that you perhaps haven't given much thought to before. In regards to not being as young as one used to be, well i doubt that would scare a man away, besides the brain is our best sex organ, nothing fuels the passion like it.

 

Hope you find motivation, inspiration from people on this forum and anywhere else your path leads you, and to anyone else whom is in a similar situation as cheryllynne.