peanutgallery Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 My DH consistently texts me all day complaining about his day or how tired/such he feels. It's something he's done a long time and we've discussed in therapy. Just wondering.., is this pretty common? He's 41 and only works 3 hours a day and watches our son after school. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Why do you ALLOW him to treat you as his dumping ground? And why isn't a 41 year old man working more than 3 hours a day? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peanutgallery Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Well we have discussed this in therapy, but he just can't seem to get it through his head... I try to just ignore texts and calls of complaints. But by the time I get home, I hear it anyway. I am the breadwinner. He just recently quit his full time job to try freelance work and staying home with our son. Which I'm envious of. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Backstory Considering the backstory, it's probably time to move on. I did something similar, though making around 100 per when working, while caregiving and my exW did move on. I think that had more to do with the time and emotional commitment to caregiving than the money but money and lifestyle were important to her so I can understand. It worked out fine. Mom died with dignity and exW found a better provider. Link to post Share on other sites
Author peanutgallery Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Well, if my DH was caring for a sick family member it would be very different!!! Link to post Share on other sites
crederer Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 No, it's not time to move on. You're married. He isn't your boyfriend he is your husband. I understand it was brought up in therapy but it's time you give him a dose of real life and you don't care to hear of it. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Considering his apparent online flirtations with at least one woman, I'm not so sure it should be different. To me, it sounds like he's checked out. Scary version (plagiarized from a Bourne movie)?: He's toxifying the M to impel you to leave, taking him off the hook for actions as of yet unknown to yourself. In addition, impoverishing himself is smart. That's exactly the kind of advice my lawyer would give me. Sorry if I'm a bit jaded and skeptical but that's what 54 in the wringer will do to a person. Hope you find a healthy resolution. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 So ignoring him doesn't change it? How about have a voice and speak your truth - tell him "KNOCK IT OFF;WHINING and COMPLAINING doesn't make me attracted to you" He acts like a 2 year old? Sheez, he's 41 for gods sake! And he should be working full time or more to stay busy enough to NOT BE BORED! Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Considering his apparent online flirtations with at least one woman, I'm not so sure it should be different. To me, it sounds like he's checked out. Scary version (plagiarized from a Bourne movie)?: He's toxifying the M to impel you to leave, taking him off the hook for actions as of yet unknown to yourself. In addition, impoverishing himself is smart. That's exactly the kind of advice my lawyer would give me. Sorry if I'm a bit jaded and skeptical but that's what 54 in the wringer will do to a person. Hope you find a healthy resolution. Really? Cheating - is he? Oh, a few hours of work would leave plenty of time to seek out other women! Throw him out if he's looking for women and using you for money! Link to post Share on other sites
Author peanutgallery Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 I don't know that he is cheating. But telling me his contact is a guy when she is clearly an attractive woman.., is odd. And it's his personality to have the sky falling non stop. It has worsened over the years but ignoring it does not help it long term. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 I don't know that he is cheating. But telling me his contact is a guy when she is clearly an attractive woman.., is odd. And it's his personality to have the sky falling non stop. It has worsened over the years but ignoring it does not help it long term. I didn't say ignore it - because, clearly that hasn't helped to change it. How about YOU DO something about it? How about telling him his bag is packed and to leave immediately because you are sick and tired of him being the one to drag you down! It's time he puts on his big boy pants and gets his sorry a$$ out on the street and finds his way. Maybe without all his luxuries you provide - he might get motivated to work - and learn how to be grateful! Link to post Share on other sites
Author peanutgallery Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 Well he offers to makes meals ... Cleans some of the house. I don't want to be unfair and make it sound like he's a monster. He's a polite (albeit stubborn) mooch. He truly thinks that he is doing some very heavy lifting. I just don't see it that way. And as you might imagine... No sex. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Well he offers to makes meals ... Cleans some of the house. I don't want to be unfair and make it sound like he's a monster. He's a polite (albeit stubborn) mooch. He truly thinks that he is doing some very heavy lifting. I just don't see it that way. And as you might imagine... No sex. So you do or don't like it? Quit talking from both sides of your fence. YOU don't like it - then change it! Or stop complaining! You can hire a chef or order in your meals, ya know? Link to post Share on other sites
Author peanutgallery Posted October 10, 2013 Author Share Posted October 10, 2013 No I definitely don't like the negativity or the situation... But I just want to paint a fair picture. Here's the hard part... It's hard to kick someone to the curb when they are being nice and kind... Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 Tip: Beware of giving too much benefit of the doubt for your own emotional health. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 No I definitely don't like the negativity or the situation... But I just want to paint a fair picture. Here's the hard part... It's hard to kick someone to the curb when they are being nice and kind... Maybe I'm just too sensitive. Nice and kind - includes listening to crap from him after you've worked hard all day long to earn the household money? NO Nice and kind is being sneaky about another woman he's communicating with - and hiding truth from you? NO You have an odd idea of what nice and kind looks like. He's a TAKER! There are many professional takers out there. 40 years old and a mooch? Yep, a professional taker. Let him mooch off someone else. Hire a chef and someone to run your errands - it will be cheaper and you won't have to listen to that crappy ungrateful attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
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