Why won't she do things with me she did with OM?

[lollipopspot]

You and OM got to have all the fun and exploration. H won't get that if you decide that OM was the last person to do certain things with. Hence the topic of this thread.

 

She did say she did anal with her husband. She didn't like it with either one of them. She said she didn't want to keep doing it "on demand," just because she tried it with OM (and also her husband). I don't understand why she should keep doing this act that she doesn't enjoy (and that she already did with her husband). A lot of women don't like anal sex.

Edited October 14, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[tinktronik]

She did say she did anal with her husband. She didn't like it with either one of them. She said she didn't want to keep doing it "on demand," just because she tried it with OM (and also her husband). I don't understand why she should keep doing this act that she doesn't enjoy (and that she already did with her husband). A lot of women don't like anal sex.

She also stated that her husband is simply too large for this activity.

[atreides]

Actually, I'm very glad to be able to share that side of me with H. That's what i always wanted AND what he always wanted. We just weren't communicating it well enough to each other.

 

It's too bad that other fWWs are not glad to. In the specific case of anal, I simply am not very into it. If he wants it occasionally, I'd be willing to, but if he decides it's his new favorite thing, I simply won't be able to. I doubt that'll be the case.

 

I do hope, however, that some time when I'm stressed or depressed in the future and not interested in sex temporarily, that it won't suddenly become: "But you were always ready for OM."

 

Well, yes, and we go through substantial periods of time when I'm always ready for H. If OM and I had continued, sooner or later the sparkle would've worn off and there would've been those moments/time periods with him too. It's that point that Spark always emphasizes: As are not like real life, especially not in those early stages.

 

 

I am sure he will understand, but if it's sooner rather than later, it might trigger something, but your H has a great personality from his writing style and what & how he carries himself.

 

My wife as i have said before is much more conservative, I am usually the driver to explore and get her to do new things. The good thing is that she is very open to it and once the ice is broken it's clear sailing. My mother-in-law lives with us which forces us to keep quiet or at least her... too much use of pillows... lmao!

Anyway to my point... I know i had one.... if you find yourself backing of sexually one thing that always worked with my wife and CM may like to try is I call her at work, give her little love notes, maybe a promise of a massage, cuddle time and so on... and then enforce it with maybe one or two more calls during the day so she is looking forward to it and thus... all engines are running once the kids are put to bed.

[atreides]

I think a big issue is that once married we start to assume too much of our spouses. We rarely consider that they like ourselves change with time... we tend to look at marriage very statically and use perhaps one instance in the past.... say for example an argument that went wrong and things were said... and use that as projection when it comes to a point were communication is needed in the bed... but it is ASSUMED by the spouse or a forgone conclusion and nothing is communicated....

Moreover, if the spouse has the guts to ask getting past their own assumption, the delivery is like this quivering Chihuahua with that one eye peeled and the ready to snap at the first rejection.

When it's with another man/woman... assumptions don't exists as none have been established yet, so it's new.

 

So as they say assumptions are the mother of all f**K ups! I say always have the guts to ask and embrace and look out for the changes your spouse will have over the years and let that be the "NEW" and fun in life.

[janedoe67]

Unfortunately for the betrayed husband, the unfaithful wife is rarely motivated by a sincere wish to do anything and everything to please the betrayed husband, even in an attempted reconciliation. She will do just as much or as little as she calculates is expedient for her situation. How the betrayed husband might feel about things is almost entirely beside the point.

 

So, as indicated in several of these posts, the unfaithful wife keeps looking for reasons as to why she can't do those things with her husband, or if she does them at all, in a grudging resentful manner.

 

As someone who is married to a BH who has more hangups than any woman I have ever known, this made me lol. Thanks, I needed that.

 

I would do anything he asked, including hanging from the cielikng fan and whinnying like a horse.

 

HE is the one who has no need for sex.

[compulsivedancer]

As someone who is married to a BH who has more hangups than any woman I have ever known, this made me lol. Thanks, I needed that.

 

I would do anything he asked, including hanging from the cielikng fan and whinnying like a horse.

 

HE is the one who has no need for sex.

 

For the first time in our marriage, H's sex drive matches my own. Not that his wasn't healthy before, but I've always been the more sexual of the two of us. I'm enjoying it very much and so is he.

 

We tried out something new the other night and it was a lot of fun (there have been a lot of new things lately!) It's nice to have the openness now in our sex life that we always had in the rest of our relationship! Yes, I still blush (so does he), but it doesn't get in the way like it used to.

[janedoe67]

YOU are the one who married him. Maybe there is something about YOU that HE finds UNATTRACTIVE. Maybe YOU are a TURN OFF to HIM.

 

Okay, my post was kinda snarky and that was not nice.

 

I have just had one too many "all WS are inherently evil, always shall be, and they all think their affairs were great" vibes today.

 

But....nope. He says he loves me. He says I am beautiful to him. He says he needs me and that I am the woman he wants.

 

He just doesn't care about sex. I didn't know when we married because we were both very VERY conservative Christians who saved ourselves for marriage, and of course talking about it before the wedding might "tempt" us.

 

What I did in having an affair was reprehensible.

[compulsivedancer]

Okay, my post was kinda snarky and that was not nice.

 

I have just had one too many "all WS are inherently evil, always shall be, and they all think their affairs were great" vibes today.

 

But....nope. He says he loves me. He says I am beautiful to him. He says he needs me and that I am the woman he wants.

 

He just doesn't care about sex. I didn't know when we married because we were both very VERY conservative Christians who saved ourselves for marriage, and of course talking about it before the wedding might "tempt" us.

 

What I did in having an affair was reprehensible.

 

However, I DO think if there's any way to address this issue, you need to. Yes, your As probably made his hang ups worse, but all the more reason to address the issues. Sex is an important part of marriage.

 

If religion is part of the hang up, find a good Christian counselor who is willing to discuss sex without making it sound evil. Sex exists for more than just procreation. It creates a bond. I didn't understand this before my A, but this is part of why I was so hung up on OM post-A. I went in thinking I could just do sex, and by the time it was over (only six months later!) I was trying to figure out what my feelings were for him.

 

There are strong biological reasons that repeatedly having sex (especially good sex) with a partner will strengthen your bonds and make you happier as a couple and individuals. In order to really reconcile (and remove the temptation for you to look elsewhere), the two of you MUST address your underlying issues.

[Artie Lang]

so, in a nutshell, it took infidelity to wake you and your husband up..... sexually speaking.

 

if it works for you guys, then have at it.

 

 

i just think there could've been a more healthy way for you two to "open up," without introducing a 3rd person. hindsight, i guess.

[compulsivedancer]

so, in a nutshell, it took infidelity to wake you and your husband up..... sexually speaking.

 

if it works for you guys, then have at it.

 

 

i just think there could've been a more healthy way for you two to "open up," without introducing a 3rd person. hindsight, i guess.

 

Absolutely. I wish there was a way to erase the affair without erasing all the lessons we learned from it.

[aliveagain]

No one wins after an affair. I ditched my ex, infidelity is an absolute deal breaker for me(learned that from my first wife), no contact in years, she keeps trying to find me, even had her nanny attempt to friend me on Facebook. Since everything ended, who won? Her O/M dumped her, she had to take him to court for child support, she lost custody of her other two boys because of her 3 suicide attempts, her ex now has full custody of them. She has affair child(took her a year to get him back), she bounced him from one relationship to another but still she tries to contact me, why? I on the other hand have gone through a number of short term new relationships, have tried things sexually that some will only read about, yet I totally shy from a long term permanent relationship. I just don't find happiness with the women I've met and am OK with being on my own most of the time. She's not happy, her children are scattered, so who won in this f**K fest? What a waste of a perfectly good family. If those choosing to cheat only thought a little bit more about all of those who will be affected by their selfish acts, sigh. Sorry, having one of those nights.

Edited October 15, 2013 by aliveagain

[Journee]

Absolutely. I wish there was a way to erase the affair without erasing all the lessons we learned from it.

 

Boy, wouldn't that be it? Get to the good stuff without the bad. It's three the hard way usually though.

 

It's so painful to learn things about yourself and your partner this way. Yet, you can burn it all to the ground and start again. Get through the surface issues and into the bones of it all.

 

I wish you guys luck and love.

[Eclypse]

Well if my wife let OM f*ck her in the ass and loved it, but didn't want to do it with me, I'd be pretty darn upset. Here though it sounds like you didn't enjoy it with either of them so I wouldn't care probably.

[road]

 

I do hope, however, that some time when I'm stressed or depressed in the future and not interested in sex temporarily, that it won't suddenly become: "But you were always ready for OM."

 

Well, yes, and we go through substantial periods of time when I'm always ready for H. If OM and I had continued, sooner or later the sparkle would've worn off and there would've been those moments/time periods with him too. It's that point that Spark always emphasizes: As are not like real life, especially not in those early stages.

 

 

Thing is your perceived future sex activity with the OM is perceived not reality.

 

The reality is that you never turned down the OM. That is the reality your BH sees.

 

It is one thing to get sick and be MIA for a night or two. Another to shut down for long periods.

[road]

Nobody says she should keep doing this act. But when she tells the board that the OM brought out her adventurous side, and the H does not, that doesn't bode well for hubby. Its a slap in his face.

 

 

Is English your second language?

 

When you change CD's: the OM brought out her adventurous side, and the H did not

 

CD spoke about the past and has since said that her and her BH have both learned to open up in the bed room now and the sex is better then ever.

 

 

To your version: the OM brought out her adventurous side, and the H

does not

 

Why the misquote?

 

Your changing one word totally changes the meaning.

 

Why do you hate CD when she is working hard on recovery?

Why are you trying to stir up trouble between CD and CM?

 

Dealing with affairs is not a spectator sport.

 

Because someone gets burnt by a cheater does not give license to hate on WS's.

 

1.The purpose of infidelity forums is to help the BS get the truth.

2. Help the WS to have the strength to end their affair and confess to their BS.

3. Help the BS and the WS to recovery their marriage.

4. Or help them through the divorce.

 

Out of those four things where does misquoting, and hating come in?