My Separation Situation - Very Mixed Emotions!

[Guest]

Well, my wife and I have been separated now, for a little over 2 weeks. Things do not get any easier, but they sure as hell get harder. I have had my good times and my bad, but the bad are far outweighing those of the good.

 

My wife suddenly decided to end our marriage very abruptly. She basically walked out and left me in the space of 2hrs, no really prior warning. We have a young son involved, who is in the middle, which really is not fair. She doesnt let me see nor talk to him as much as I would like, and since the separation she has kept saying the same things to me - 'i dont love you anymore', 'its over, has been for a long time', 'we cant be together' etc etc Her main reason for leaving was that she thought I was too controlling, even though I was fine with her coming and going as often or as little as she liked.

 

Since the separation, I have sent her phone messages, saying I am sorry for anything I have done, we can work on it etc etc. They are either not replied to (ignored), or replied to abruptly. Yesterday, I vented to her and basically told her how I was feeling - upset, hating her and explaining to her that I have tried everything I can to try and sort this out and get back together. This was a phone conversation, and she was on the other end ummming and ahhhing, and saying this like 'so you dont want a divorce', 'i can never come back?' etc etc. I kept running with it, and it felt really good to get it off my chest.

 

However, this morning I messaged her basically asking if she wanted to work on our marriage and that the decision was hers to make. She replied back saying no, it was over and only yesterday I was telling her how much I dont like her, and that i was pathetic! I just dont know how to go about it, part of me is really angry for what she has done (not only to us, but our son as well) and part of me really wants to work it out and get back together. How should I go about this, she has said all along that we are over, but then when I vent to her and tell her how I feel, she shys away and gives me a few signs she still has feelings there.

 

I am so confused, please help!

[Ladyjane14]

Guest, I'm sure this is a difficult situation for you. Your emotions are probably running amok.

 

NOW is the time to get control of them. Don't let one more minute go by, before you do that.

 

It's very difficult to focus on solving problems when you're emotions are running so high, because your focus actually becomes your own emotions. Then it's all 'I feel this, and I feel that...' It's like being in a haze that you can't really see well through. Everything becomes distorted.

 

You absolutely cannot afford to "vent". Venting is counter-productive. It's not really communicating anything but anger and frustration.

 

Please read this thread:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=359453#post359453

Note particularly TMCM's post on "love-busting". I think that can really help you in this situation.

 

For more information on MarriageBuilders, follow this link:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3000_intro.html

 

[Guest]

My emotions are all over the place, I try to keep my focus on my son, as he is the most important thing to me right now, but yet sometimes I get the urge to try and talk to my wife. She has never really detracted from saying the same things like its over, and has been for a long time. I wrote her a letter last night (which she has hopefully read by now), saying that I cannot have contact with her, and when she is ready to talk to me about our marriage, I will be there. I also said that I have to do this, so I can have some love in my heart for her, as it is too painful when I see or talk to her.

 

I want to talk to my son all the times, and also see him all the times, but I need to go through her to be able to do that. I miss him terribly, and it hurts like no other that I do not get to see him everyday

 

I have read pretty much all there is to read on this (including marriagebuilders), but she is just detached and sure in her decision, that it is hard for me to see a turning point for her. She is relying on contact with an old male friend (who I believe she is now involved with), and also a new guy she has recently met (who she may also/or be involved with). So at this point in time, everything is looking OK for her, as she has the attention of these 2 guys. She doesnt really have anyone else to talk to about us, but then again I dont think she really thinks about us too often.