What is happening here?

[Angha]

Hi! I am turning to this forum in the hope someone can lend some clarity of thought on my predicament. Cause I for sure am pretty muddled up right now. I met a guy on a trip after a decade. The last time we met, we were teenagers, and we barely even spoke during the trip. Now both of us are in our twenties. While all was great on the first day, and it was nice getting to know him after all the years and talking to him, from the second day, he began acting drastically differently. He would be there everywhere I was, he began grinning at me all the time, teasing me relentlessly, playfully blocking my way and touching my arm, back and once even put his arm around my waist gently while walking down a path. When I opened up an Umbrella once on a rainy path, he smoothly moved in and walked down with me glued to my side literally, chatting with me, till we reached our destination and slipped off to the rest of the group. He would constantly try to grab my attention by trying to unsettle me when I was standing looking in some other direction, or call out my name softly or yell "boo!" at me when I was talking to someone else. I was ill throughout the trip, so he would repeatedly tell me off for pecking at my food. It constantly felt like he was right in my face, in my personal space. While driving, he'd constantly lean over to the dashboard to get out stuff, touching me in the process, or hand over his phone freely so I could take pictures or help him set up the GPS.

 

While he would frequently slip off to talk to others and hang out with other people as well, if he found me alone, he would always come by and talk to me walking closely with me. At meal times, he would mostly be at my table. We had great rapport and conversation, and we seemed to really enjoy each other's company and terrible PJs laughing our heads off. When I asked him for his email ID to send him photos, he asked me for my number directly. We texted on and off a bit for a few days after the trip, not incessantly, but mostly to the point and on certain topics. Of course he still has not responded to an email I sent with some of my work he wanted to see, but does respond to texts in the day. He apologises if he is late. He keeps calling me "Oi!" or "Woman!" and again tells me off for not taking care of my health. His texts are riddled with smileys. He would try to brag a bit about himself playfully about his photography, grab my camera and call it his. When I asked for it back, he would keep the lens cap and give me the camera. When I mentioned some of the work I do, he was pretty impressed and called it cool. When I pointed out a beautiful sight for a photo, he said, "you have the eyes!" all grinning. He offered to help me pick phone models without me asking for help, and when I went and twisted my ankle, he called up his father who was with me and checked if I was fine. The same day, his friend was looking at me weirdly, half smirking, when they asked me about the trip and I said it was fine, "but I heard you guys had fun?".

 

I think I am falling for this guy, and i am scared of my feelings. No one has ever behaved with me the way he has. I haven't felt this way in six years. I did not even know I could feel so strongly about anything anymore. The last time my feelings were so intense, the guy said it was not mutual and it took me years to get over things. The relationship I am in now, is going nowhere, was somewhat of an agreement which I just got into cause I believed no one could ever like me again or reciprocate my feelings. So I just went with the first person who asked me out. Even now, I wonder what this guy I met at the trip was thinking cause I am not exactly svelte and gear towards the heavier side. Was he flirting? Is he remotely interested in me? Or was he just being friendly, or being a player? how do I cope with the intensity of my feelings for him? What is happening here? Terribly sorry for the long message. But am quite distressed, even lovesick I think. :-( Would appreciate your responses and thoughts.

 

Angha

[Outsider77]

It seems like he was definitely flirting with you, but I don't know how serious he is about it.

 

I've had a lot of guys flirt like hell with me, but it turns out they aren't really interested in a relationship. Sometimes they just like to flirt; sometimes they just want to fool around.

 

The only way I know of to tell is to see how much of an effort he makes to communicate with you. If he makes a real effort to talk to you or see you, then he's interested in something.

Although what the something is might not be so clear at first. He could be a player, or he could really be interested in you. The only way to find out is to go out with him and see what happens. If he tries really hard to get you into bed, then you have your answer right away.

 

There's no magic way to tell what a person's intentions are, so you just have to be really aware of everything.

[Angha]

Thanks for at least spelling it out that he was flirting and I wasn't imagining things. My BFF says I never realise when someone flirts with me; and it does completely escapes me indeed.

 

I should now get a hold over my emotions and feelings and not wait with bated breath about being asked out; and should remain in control over whatever happens next. His intentions could be really anything as you say. Though, I felt my face go beet-red when his friend looked at me and kept smiling throughout in a funny way. It was almost as if he could see through my mask to my state of mind and knew something that I did not.

 

The other, bigger thing that bothers me is that he most probably is nearly four or five years younger than me. Our mutual friends are also many and at least his parents and his friend's parents know me terribly well for over a decade. It really unsettles me that I let myself be bowled over in this manner. Quite irresponsible. They do say, age doesn't matter in these things, but I do hope everything works out just fine, whatever path things take.

[Outsider77]

Good luck, I have had bad experiences with flirtatious men in the past. I can't think of a single one that actually turned out to be worth it.

 

From the time I was a teenager until my mid-twenties I would fall for the guy, be flattered. I have learned my lesson. I really don't trust or take seriously men like that anymore.

 

I'm not saying your guy is like that, but just be careful. I've also had bad luck with younger men, but I was also pretty young. I don't know how old you are, but I'm not sure age really matters as much once you get past the twenties.