Indigo Siren Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 I am totally confused...I would love to get some feedback, as my heart tells me one thing and my mind tells me another! Here goes... Brief background...I am in the middle of a divorce (married 7 years, and we have a five year old son). The ex is a compulsive liar, way into porn, cyber sex, live sex video feed, and meeting women on the internet, etc...enough said...Don't get me wrong...he does have good qualities and our son adores him... He currently has the typical visitation schedule...every Wed. and every other weekend. Well, I just found out that he has a new girlfriend (which is wonderful...keeps from harrassing me!)...he met her on the internet around the middle of October...he introduced her to our son on Nov 3, and stayed the night at her house (w/ our son) on Nov 5....and then at his next weekend visit (two weekends later), he had his new girlfriend stay the night at his house (he has a one bedroom), made our son sleep in the living room on the floor both nights so he (the ex) could sleep with his girlfriend...am I reading too much into this? Is this normal? I am wanting to be protective...a friend told me it is none of my business... It seems he has lost touch of his "good parenting" skills...and I want to give him the "what the hell are you thinking" ass chewing! and then the other part of me realizes this is why I left him...I need to let go and not worry...hmmmm Is this the correct forum for such a post...I was not sure?? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 He will confuse the boy by bringing women into his life that the boy might grow to like - and lose if the relationship tanks. And no person who makes a young child sleep on the floor so he can schtup his new gal deserves to be called a 'man'. By all means tear a strip off his hide. His behaviour is not good for his child and he needs to know it fast. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 Hi. I'm a single mom of a four year old and have been in a serious relationship with my fiance for one year now. He spends the night with me in my hone when I do NOT have my son. I have joint custody of my son, he has joint custody of his daughter. We make no exceptions, we want to teach our children the right thing! I'm concerned with this, as well as you should be! He needs to be reminded that children are sensitive and can't bounce back as well as an adult can. This is inconsistent and scary to him. I'd do whatever I could to make him stop. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 as long as you son is not being abused and being well taken care of there is nothing you can do or that you should do. Your son will not remember much of this due to his age. I myself have almost no memory of being five or six or even 21 for that matter, ha ha. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 4, 2004 Share Posted December 4, 2004 Does the son seem to mind? I can't imagine that a judge would like him doing this...that's a lot of the reason my fiance and I didn't do it. We *knew* it wasn't right. He doesn't *want* to think it's wrong because he's thinking with his d*ck and not his brain, all for a dick-lay. Try to talk to him in a civilized manner? But I'd like to see how it's affecting the kiddo first. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 It's often not conscious memory that affects you later in life. It's probably something in your childhood, remembered or not, that made you who you are today. Link to post Share on other sites
Matilda Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 Your ex has a lot of time to see his GF when he doesn't have your son. If you can have a calm conversation with the ex, I would try to talk to him about your concerns about your son. Explain why you are concerned, and if he is a good Dad like you say he is, he may take heed. He may just have not considered that it might be harmful to your son to have a parade of women go through his life. Link to post Share on other sites
soccorsilly Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I agree--you are on the right track. Legally (not sure about CA, but in most other states) you cannot do anything about it. But from a moral standpoint, it is wrong. Moi is correct they kid may become attached and then suffer another loss if the relationship fails-and certanily a month and a half is too early to tell. Introduce to the girlfriend--fine---sleepovers--no way. If he cannot control his pecker for 8 days a month... I broke up woth a woman just on this issue. I have kids and she did as well. She wanted me to stay on some of the weekends her kids were there and I refused. They were 15,12, and 10 at the time. I just did not feel right. SHe wanted to show them that two adults could "have a loving relationship" and I felt that by spending the weekend there when her kids was there was showing them that it was alright to have someone share your bed if you are not married. I know probably hypocritical of me but that is how I felt. I mean what does a 15 yr old boy with ragin hormones think when his mom is "shacking up"? And, this conversation only came up after we were dating a year--so it was not a quickie deal. Link to post Share on other sites
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