Ditapage Posted October 10, 2013 Share Posted October 10, 2013 (edited) I like this guy at my church who i see often because we are also involved in voluntary church activities in the community 3 days a week. I feel like he likes me as well but when it comes to guys unless he's grabbing me around the waist or something, no sign is obvious enough. The feedback from other people who talk to him is positive. The problem is I do most of the initiating, he mostly hangs around watching me. He always answers my texts and my phone calls and if he saw me out and I was in a hurry to get somewhere he'll say "I was gonna stop and have a chat but you were in a hurry" but then when I'm right there he rarely starts a conversation. He'll just say "nice dress." Or some other one line. I don't know if we're even friends at this point because friends can talk to each other. Sometimes when i walk into the room he gives me that raised eyebrow deer caught in headlights look. I feel like I am always initiating and I am tired of it. For what it's worth he gets visibly unhappy seeing me talk to other guys. Am I doing the wrong thing if I just stop paying any attention to him at all? He hasn't done anything wrong and he is flirty and chatty when I initiate but I want him to do it so I can be more sure of his interest. Otherwise I get paranoid that he's just not interested and i'm wasting my time trying to keep the lines of communication open. The problem is I don't want to show disinterest either by suddenly pulling away when he did nothing to provoke it. I guess the real question would be, what's the difference between a man who knows you're interested and doesn't return the interest, or one who is interested but not confident and is happy for the woman to do something? Edited October 10, 2013 by Ditapage Link to post Share on other sites
DovLuvApostle Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Hello I loved reading your post because it's so nice to see that women have the same basic thoughts and anxieties when it comes to elevating a friendship or flirt into a possible date. It's great that your very into church, but here's the problem for me. When it comes to relationship philosophy church couples completely throw me off.(Not a bad thing at ALLLLLLL please don't get me wrong) I say its a problem because church couples tend be a bit slower pace and more conservative in approach so its harder to read them... Again please take no offense I consider myself a part time Christian lol and have dated some very wonderful women with religious backgrounds, I actually prefer them..... Im wondering why you haven't asked him out? Is their some rule that says he has to? Or is it just implied that men always have to do that crap.... If your nervous about asking him chances are he feels the same way, from what you say he's showing signs of interest.... We in the man realm of relationship thinking call that an interest level. If a person shows you enough signs of interest its a high interest level. Low amounts of signs then its a low interest level. Here's a really big secret (not really) guys love it when girls make the first move, let me explain. Most* women have been conditioned to believe that men always make the first move, pays for the first date, gives the first kiss, first I love you etc.... The thing is if the guy does all the firsts how does he know the girl REALLY likes him. Well she gives back of course! She makes cookies, rubs his back, pays for a meal once and a while you get my point. So here is the really big indicator if a girl wants a man......She makes the first move. Go in his head for a second "All these girls get so much attention and whatever they want, well im not going to be a sucker they have to come to me to get my attention"....Now you may think that's stuck up, but if you knew your only chance to get a date with him was to ask would you do it? If not is that stuck up of you? You could be missing out on so much because tradition says he supposed to make the move. I think YOU should ask him to a movie (or something light and casual) and you offer to pay. Im telling you if he likes you that's going to be a huge boost to his interest. You also have to remember that dating is always a 50/50 gamble. Sometimes you win sometimes you don't, but you wont know until you let it roll... Wish you all the best and keep us posted! your friend J Link to post Share on other sites
kendallk Posted October 17, 2013 Share Posted October 17, 2013 I disagree with the other posters. Men make the first move for a reason. If you ask him out and he accepts, you wont know if he actually genuinely is interested or if he is just going along with you. A happily married person once told me men take what they can get because they rarely get asked out...thats why so many times the females taking the lead ends up with her being strung along.Letting him make the move first is good self preservation. Let me tell you something. When I was young I chased (ok, didnt chase, but flirted with and asked out) 2 men who were rather shy and introverted but flirted with me. Everyone told me to ask them out saying "oh he must have confidence issues, he is a virgin" or "oh hes just inexperienced he doesnt know what to do." I took their advice and guess what? Both lead me on after I initiated dates. Both of these men later on initiated dates with women they REALLY liked however. It was a hard lesson to learn. I suggest the book "Hes Just Not That Into You." Youd be surprised that when a guy really likes a girl, he initiates dates with her. Even ones that claim to have a fear of rejection. I think this guy likes you, maybe flirting/talking to you, not enough to date you. There are many men that do this. Link to post Share on other sites
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