Marriageable men?

[PinkSapphire]

Where to meet marriage able men? And ones who want to?

 

I seem to be having trouble differentiating between guys who are actually into me and willing to eventually commit on some level vs guys who will say and do almost anything to just sleep with you.

 

I'm not into casual sex and need a good amount of time to get to know someone before I will sleep with them. But this still doesn't deter the type I don't want; they just learn to wait longer and "play the game." ugh

 

Tips, ladies? Or, perhaps even better, gents?

 

Thanks!

[skydiveaddict]

Any man worth marrying will respect your dignity. They will love you for who you are; not how soon they can get you in bed.

 

I think you might wait 'till you got that ring on your on finger. I know that sounds old fashioned and very much out of style, but I think that's the best test. A real man who really loves you will be willing to wait.

[Criticality]

Waiting till marriage?

 

Sounds like the fast track to spinsterhood. And four cats.

 

No smart marriageable man would enter into a long term relationship, without knowing whether his possible life partner and he are sexually compatible.

 

That's where plenty of divorces get their roots in the first place.

Edited October 11, 2013 by Criticality

[skydiveaddict]

 

That's where plenty of divorces get their roots in the first place.

 

Wrong. In fact, most successful marriages are couples who do not live together before marriage.

[Criticality]

Nonsense. And who said anything about living together before marriage?

 

Considering that 95% of married couples have sex before marriage, the 5% who wait until marriage don't carry much statistical significance on something that can be affected by numerous issues.

 

Women who don't marry until their thirties have a three times lower divorce rate for example.

 

Pretty much all of the couples from the Christian boarding school I went to, who saved themselves for marriage, and married young were divorced a decade later.

 

Sex isn't the only reason why marriages fail, but at least that way a future spouse knows that he and his wife aren't sexually incompatible.

 

And if OP is looking for a spouse, it might significantly limit her choices, if she from the beginning has to cross out the big majority of men who aren't virgins and/or doesn't agree with "saving yourself" for marriage.

 

Unless she goes to Pakistan or Saudi Arabia of course. I hear its popular there.

Edited October 11, 2013 by Criticality

[Eclypse]

I guess this is the million dollar question. I guess the answer is... anywhere. That's probably not the answer you were looking for but it's true. I met my girlfriend (and most likely future wife) at a wedding. Places like work might be risky, although my 2 of my colleagues were together for 7 years and now they're both engaged to other people (and still working in the same office!) so I guess anything's possible.

 

Waiting a bit for sex is probably a good idea. The three date rule shouldn't be taken as gospel, although most men wouldn't wait until marriage. With me and my gf we waited 2 months, although we were both virgins. I guess you'll have to use your best judgement on whether he's a worthy guy to sleep with.

[Els]

I'm not into casual sex and need a good amount of time to get to know someone before I will sleep with them. But this still doesn't deter the type I don't want; they just learn to wait longer and "play the game." ugh

 

What is the longest you've waited, and did you not see any signs of that dreaded 'game' during that time?

[HokeyReligions]

What does marriage mean to you? Really think about it and you'll discover some places where like minded people gather. Church comes to my mind first. Volunteering.

 

No guarantees but its possible to increase the odds of meeting Mr. Right.

[ThatMan]

Whoa. Let's chill out for a moment.

 

Inventing random statistics is one sure fire way to find yourself on a direct flight to some pretty bizarre self-limiting beliefs. I think we owe it to ourselves to be reasonable about this. I've always been willing to look at relationships in an open way as I figure out what works best for me. This sort of thinking as served me very well throughout my entire life.

 

There's also a huge difference between waiting for a reliable spouse opposed to holding out for marriage. Although an interesting topic, at least to me, suggesting to another person that she travels to a country filled with oppressed women is incredibly judgmental. I've worked with refugees briefly in the past and some of them struggle to come to terms with their newly found freedom. Making these sorts of statements to a person who just wants a reliable spouse is pretty low, and I don't think anybody wants to read that rhetoric.

 

I'm a man, (you can take my word for it), and I've been searching for reliable commitment. I'm also fairly big on respect and I believe that finding mutual respect in a relationship is one sure way to create something meaningful. I ultimately need to continue putting myself out there and take to the time get to know somebody else. Sex is no different than any other part of a relationship. Just be willing to try new things, remain considerate of your own wants and needs, and say no whenever you feel uncomfortable. Descent men and women don't need to put out to keep a new relationship going because they actually have options. So basically, I've always searched for somebody else who is just good with relationships in general. Everything else has followed suit.

 

 

Where to meet them?

That depends on your interests. I meet other people simply going outside, maybe within Barnes and Noble, or a Starbucks, and other social activities.

[AlteredStarrling]

Marriage in modern society lol.

 

Cohabitation is the new way, deal with that!

No, it actually still exist today. I had him and threw it all away.

 

I did wronged him in the worst way possible and off course he broke it off.

 

Several to find out if the man is marriage-minded:

1) Is he a man that keeps his promises or just talk?

2) Is he punctual on other things?

3) Do you know his family and how well you know them?

4) Does he have a time frame and goals on things in general?

5) Is he very family oriented?

6) What does he think about kids?

[Disillusioned]

The problem is not a scarcity of marriageable men: the problem is a scarcity of marriageable women.

 

Players are trying hard to stigmatize marriage (in the same way they kept bashing virginity until they turned it into something bad), but truth be told, there will always be men AND women who want to marry for love. The problem is that nowadays, many more women than men want it all---fun, power, money, etc etc.

 

All the marriageable men I know have either been through a nasty divorce (like my neighbor) or are so picky (like me) that no female player has a chance of getting picked by them. That's because marriageable men have their s. together, and one thing they don't need is a woman coming into their lives who's going to wreck it with irresponsibility.

 

The popular book "Men On Strike" by Helen Smith (not a man, you notice) tells all about the situation in detail... but the title alone should give you a hint where these guys are coming from.

[The dot]

Wrong. In fact, most successful marriages are couples who do not live together before marriage.

 

That doesn't mean they haven't had sex before marriage. Seriously, if you don't confirm sexual compatibility before marriage, you're heading for an affair, or to be the victim of one.

[todreaminblue]

Waiting till marriage?

 

Sounds like the fast track to spinsterhood. And four cats.

 

 

 

i have four cats...did have five....one died..... no more......pinstersay atcay adylay.........thanks....smilin...deb

[The dot]

Where to meet marriage able men? And ones who want to?

 

I seem to be having trouble differentiating between guys who are actually into me and willing to eventually commit on some level vs guys who will say and do almost anything to just sleep with you.

 

I'm not into casual sex and need a good amount of time to get to know someone before I will sleep with them. But this still doesn't deter the type I don't want; they just learn to wait longer and "play the game." ugh

 

Tips, ladies? Or, perhaps even better, gents?

 

Thanks!

 

I can see several problems here. Firstly, you sound like you're trying to cast a play, and find someone to play the part of the husband. Mistake. Relationships are supposed to be fun. If you're trying to qualify every guy you meet to determine whether or not he's "husband" material, he'll soon move on -- unless he doesn't have any other options, and do you really want that guy?

 

Secondly, you need to ask yourself what you bring to the table. A lot of people (both men and women) who are looking for a relationship fail to do this. What can you offer a "marriageable man"? It's worth remembering that the sort of men you are looking for are in demand, and there are a lot of other women chasing them. What can you offer that those women can't?

 

Finally, modern marriage doesn't really offer a lot to men, and there are more incentives than ever for a man to stay 'unattached'. In my case, I've already travelled to 12 different countries this year alone, and am thinking about making it 13 before the year is over. I have a good job, and great friends (some of which are women) that I love hanging out with. What incentive would there be for a man like me to give up freedom and privacy just to say that I'm "married"?

[c57dood]

Sex is great and all, but the true way to a man's heart is his stomach. You can please his dick for a short while, but when a man has a steady, full stomach of delicious food his wife makes he's far more likely to be loyal. It really isn't that hard!

[samsungxoxo]

Sex is great and all, but the true way to a man's heart is his stomach. You can please his dick for a short while, but when a man has a steady, full stomach of delicious food his wife makes he's far more likely to be loyal. It really isn't that hard!

I don't know. There are great wives who even with excellent cooking skills can still get cheated on. There are still selfish people everywhere. Similarly, being an alpha doesn't make you immune to getting cheated on. Nothing makes you immune to that.

 

I agree it's not that hard. In fact, I would be doing more than just cooking and household chores (I got more potential than just that). I'm sorry to hear that's all he's looking for to keep him faithful: a traditional household wife.

 

Currently what I'm interested in is finishing my major, which I've already done more than the half.

Edited October 12, 2013 by samsungxoxo

[c57dood]

I don't know. There are great wives who even with excellent cooking skills can still get cheated on. There are still selfish people everywhere. Similarly, being an alpha doesn't make you immune to getting cheated on. Nothing makes you immune to that.

 

I agree it's not that hard. In fact, I would be doing more than just cooking and household chores (I got more potential than just that). I'm sorry to hear that's all he's looking for to keep him faithful: a traditional household wife.

 

Currently what I'm interested in is finishing my major, which I've already done more than the half.

 

The key here is the probability of the man cheating will be lower. He can go out and get his dick wet by anyone, but how many women can make those killer meatballs and spaghetti? The food becomes the signature of the woman that keeps him alive. Women still want traditional men, so why is it wrong for men to still desire traditional women?

[The dot]

The key here is the probability of the man cheating will be lower. He can go out and get his dick wet by anyone, but how many women can make those killer meatballs and spaghetti? The food becomes the signature of the woman that keeps him alive. Women still want traditional men, so why is it wrong for men to still desire traditional women?

 

Well, it comes back to what I said before about the costs of marriage. When you consider not only the monetary cost of supporting another person, but also the loss of privacy and freedom, it's a far better deal for a man to simply eat out at exotic ethnic restaurants when the need for good food arises.

 

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with a man desiring a traditional woman, it's just that there aren't that many traditional women around.

[c57dood]

Well, it comes back to what I said before about the costs of marriage. When you consider not only the monetary cost of supporting another person, but also the loss of privacy and freedom, it's a far better deal for a man to simply eat out at exotic ethnic restaurants when the need for good food arises.

 

Oh, and there's nothing wrong with a man desiring a traditional woman, it's just that there aren't that many traditional women around.

 

Home cooked meal that was made specifically for you by a person who knows what you like vs. a restaurant meal loaded with additives made by a dirty chef who probably smokes crack on his breaks and picks his dirty sweaty ass as he handles your food? Right.

[Els]

Oh, OP, this is possibly the worst board ever to ask your question in.

 

Have faith, men who both make good husbands and desire to be them, absolutely exist. Some of my friends are married to such men, and some did wait for marriage to have sex, though some did not. Some married after cohabitating for a few years and some did not.

 

One similarity is that all of them met their husbands/long-term partners organically - ie via college, work, church, or fun activities that they did on their own time. They had similar values to what they expected in a partner, and all of them abhorred casual dating.

 

Another similarity is that none of them went into their Rs with a laundry list of "Does he fulfill all of these? Is he a marriage-able man? If he seems like he may not be, launch!!" but rather went into their Rs liking the person, and just got to know them over the years.

 

Another similarity is that some of them waited a very long time for marriage. Those who first got together at 16 or 18 waited 10 years or more, but a more common number was 4 to 8 years. Not saying you need to do this, simply that the 'Marriage Now Or I'm Gone!' mantra may not be conducive to the goal. There is not necessarily anything wrong with both partners just deciding to tie the knot quickly, but it shouldn't be like a goal you're rushing towards with just anyone who ticks the boxes.

 

Good guys are really out there, and what you need to do, IMO, is to just get to know more of them rather than holding up a tick-box list.

[Els]

Home cooked meal that was made specifically for you by a person who knows what you like vs. a restaurant meal loaded with additives made by a dirty chef who probably smokes crack on his breaks and picks his dirty sweaty ass as he handles your food? Right.

 

What if the hands that were preparing your meatballs were previously wrapped around some other guy's penis, because you failed to fulfil your traditional role of husbandry by not bringing in enough money last month, thus she was tempted to stray?

[The dot]

Home cooked meal that was made specifically for you by a person who knows what you like vs. a restaurant meal loaded with additives made by a dirty chef who probably smokes crack on his breaks and picks his dirty sweaty ass as he handles your food? Right.

 

Spoken like a true poor guy who can't afford decent restaurants.

 

BTW, I also get plenty of home cooked meals made specifically for me. Those are meals made *by* me. It's really not that tough.

[c57dood]

Spoken like a true poor guy who can't afford decent restaurants.

 

BTW, I also get plenty of home cooked meals made specifically for me. Those are meals made *by* me. It's really not that tough.

 

Haha. Assumptions, kind of reminds me of a tool that has no function. You have no idea what goes on behind kitchen doors!

[c57dood]

What if the hands that were preparing your meatballs were previously wrapped around some other guy's penis, because you failed to fulfil your traditional role of husbandry by not bringing in enough money last month, thus she was tempted to stray?

 

Then find the man who did it and kill him. Simple.

[Els]

Then find the man who did it and kill him. Simple.

 

Ah, that will settle one of them, but if you continue to fail to satisfy your traditional role, you may need to go on quite the killing spree, dontcha think?