Spira Posted December 5, 2004 Share Posted December 5, 2004 As if you hadn't noticed already, I've been having some problems with my boyfriend of 2.5 years... Recently I found on his computer that he had been doing searches on his ex-girlfriends / girls he used to see. We had a discussion about how he had a problem letting his past / ex's go. While he told me that I'm the one for him now, it still troubles me. He had told me in the past he used to be obsessed with these girls. I feel like he still hasn't gotten over them. One of the girls he was running searches on was a friend of ours. During the first year of our relationship, we had a big fight & he asked for a week apart. Recently he admitted to me that he kind of went to dinner with this girl while we were apart, though nothing happened and it made him realize that he wanted to work our relationship out. However, he also told me that before we started dating he was "obsessed" with her and really wanted to be with her. I believe that he still likes her. I also believe that he would never cheat on me, but since we see this girl so often when we go out, it really bugs me. We have discussed this whole thing before, as I said, and he tells me the same thing again & again - "They don't matter to me, it's all in the past, you're the one I love, you're blowing this out of proportion, etc." But my intuition is telling me that his obsession with them never died. And previously in our conversations I had only that - my intuition. Now I feel like there is solid evidence of this suspicion, and I want to say something about it to him. Would it be wrong to say something? I understand that everyone has a past & that people may maintain some feelings for the people they used to be with. However, I don't believe that he is able to let that lay in the past & let go of everything. Am I wrong? I don't know what to think. Link to post Share on other sites
The_Analyzer Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Maybe its time to move on. You stated you have already had a discussion with him about it before. He is obviously going to keep doing it and you're gonna keep disapproving. Just tell him you hope him and his search for other girls/ex g/f's etc, is worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 While it's true that everyone has a past.. it seems your boyfriend hasn't let go of his.. It's worrysome that he says he *was* OBSESSED with this other girl.. as if being Obsessed with another person is typical/normal.. while I can understand really being into someone, or loving that person a lot.. obsession is a whole nother realm.. He is still doing searches on this girl.. *Twilight zone* If he is so over this why does it matter where she is, how she is, who she may or may not be with.. not to mention the fact he went out with her again when the two of you were apart for a bit, and somehow managed to "forget" to tell you about it.. I dunno.. I couldn't be about my BF doing searches regarding a girl he claims he *was* OBSESSED with... Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I still google old boyfriends, not because I want to be with them but because I am curious to see if they ended up as big of losers as I guessed they might... My 2 cents: The red flag here is that he says he used to be "obsessed". Thats scary. If its really in the past, he should be able to cut it out. Tell him you want the searching to end- now. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 just cause he's doing internet searches on these women does not mean he is going to contact them. i mean, don't some married or attached women go out to the bar or wherever and pretend they are single just to get attention from men when then end up buying them free drinks, etc... these women have no intention of dating these new guys they meet but they are just having fun, getting attention and saving some $$$. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spira Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 Just as an update, he told me that he called on of his ex's that he was Googling the other day. He hasn't talked to her in about a year or so... But there is much more to this than I really care to explain at the moment. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Spira, you're dating a head case. While I'm sure this man-child had some endearing qualities that attracted you to him initially, the ugly side is starting to surface and I'm sure you can't imagine yourself tolerating this for another two years. Don't waste any more of your time hoping he'll grow up and come around. If he doesn't get it now, he's not about to any time soon. You know what I'd tell him?... "Baby, I really admire how devoted and attentive you are to your ex girlfriends. As a matter of fact, I'm so envious of all the attention you give them that I've decided I'd rather become one of your ex's, too." Then give that attention ho the boot. In a week he'll be punching your name into the google search. Don't settle for losers Spira. Life's too short. You can do MUCH better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Spira Posted December 8, 2004 Author Share Posted December 8, 2004 Thanks, Enigma. You're right - this is the last straw for me. And thanks to Internet Explorer browser history. lol. Link to post Share on other sites
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