solostand Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I have this recurring fantasy when I call up the MM's wife and say "Hello. My name is Solostand and I have been having an affair with your husband for one year." And then give all the gory details. I don't think I would actually do this but I am expecting her call any day. She has in fact called me twice demanding to know who I was (my number showed up on their phone) and I lied I think convincingly. Sometimes I just want to get it over with and let the chips fall where they may. Link to post Share on other sites
RickFox Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 All the time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Hopelessromantic25 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 yeah. But what would that accomplish? It's crossed my mind twice, the second time in the last week because I think it's finally over. But if i did do it, it wouldn't make me feel any better or any different. I'm upset, sad, lonely, and exhausted because optimism can be sometimes. I suggest that if you really cared about the guy, no matter how bad it gets and you're serious about moving on, love him enough to let him go. Give it time and I'm sure you'll realize why. Just saying... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I've had those feelings before, like sending the bs proof and forcing mm off the fence. Who knows what the future holds! but I'm realllly glad now I didn't ever do anything like that. But I think the feeling is normal/common, especially during the valleys of the A Link to post Share on other sites
imperfectangel Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I've thought about it a lot probably at least once a week If I did do it I'd print all our emails out (and they go back years) I don't save texts but I think the emails alone would be bad enough - and post it all to her I haven't done it though and I probably never will I think just knowing that I can is enough for me if he pushes it too much (ie doesn't leave me alone) hell take that choice away from me Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I have this recurring fantasy when I call up the MM's wife and say "Hello. My name is Solostand and I have been having an affair with your husband for one year." And then give all the gory details. I don't think I would actually do this but I am expecting her call any day. She has in fact called me twice demanding to know who I was (my number showed up on their phone) and I lied I think convincingly. Sometimes I just want to get it over with and let the chips fall where they may. I think if you were duped and didnt know going in that he was M, then it would be justified..Otherwise, you knew what the deal was going in, so now that it doesnt work to your satisfaction, you want to tell? Its almost like the losing team, instead of just going home, burns down the stadium on the way out. Everyone has their right to do what they want, but it really smacks of vindictiveness... I would just move on and make better decisions for the future.. Do it if you want, but I doubt you will gain anything out of it when you do.. TFY 3 Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Never. (ten characters) Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I think if you were duped and didnt know going in that he was M, then it would be justified..Otherwise, you knew what the deal was going in, so now that it doesnt work to your satisfaction, you want to tell? Its almost like the losing team, instead of just going home, burns down the stadium on the way out. Everyone has their right to do what they want, but it really smacks of vindictiveness... I would just move on and make better decisions for the future.. Do it if you want, but I doubt you will gain anything out of it when you do.. TFY No I don't believe this for me especially I wanted to tell not out of vindictiveness but to actually end the A once and for all, if I told her there would be no splitting up/getting back together ever again, it would be over full stop. Maybe in a way it was being a little selfish but the emotions/drama/highs/lows were just too much my mind was constantly on the A I couldn't think properly for over a year, it was like trying to focus on reality while having ur head repeatedly smashed against a wall. So yeah sometimes I thought just tell her and the madness will stop. We wouldn't have stopped until we got caught (which we did) and you can read that sorry tale on my previous threads ... The drama is still continuing and my head is still up my *rse. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yes, I think about it all the time. I wish I didn't...I don't really think that is a great thing to obsess over. My exMM lied, lied, lied. Lied about the state of his marriage to me, lied about where he was to the W. Lies flew out of him like breath. I think about it when I'm angry and want revenge...when I think of him going about his "old" life with no impact. Sometimes I think about it because the BS is totally clueless about her H and his antics. She'd be blown away with the photos, travel records, emails, voicemails if I did go that route. But, I doubt I ever will. Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 No I don't believe this for me especially I wanted to tell not out of vindictiveness but to actually end the A once and for all, if I told her there would be no splitting up/getting back together ever again, it would be over full stop. Maybe in a way it was being a little selfish but the emotions/drama/highs/lows were just too much my mind was constantly on the A I couldn't think properly for over a year, it was like trying to focus on reality while having ur head repeatedly smashed against a wall. So yeah sometimes I thought just tell her and the madness will stop. We wouldn't have stopped until we got caught (which we did) and you can read that sorry tale on my previous threads ... The drama is still continuing and my head is still up my *rse. So what you are saying is that you couldnt end it by just walking away and telling him to never contact you? It seems improbable...Unless he had you locked in a closet. How would creating a huge firestorm help you to break away-if thats what you wanted.? I dont fault you for doing what you want, thats your right, though.. I sincerely hope you find the closure you need to move forward. TFY 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 I've got a recording that would make her pack his bags and kick him out. I would only use it if she was denying and minimizing. Link to post Share on other sites
KentuckyGent Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yes and I still get tempted at times. I would love to tell the BS what a POS he is married to (I think she's wormed her way back home). But then again, he probably knows (nay, he DOES know) and has for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Lostinlife4now Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Oh OP....... Yes I would LOVE TO TELL HER what a POS she is married to! OH HELL TO THE YES! Oh and by the way...she can have the scumbag! I DON'T WANT HIM! BUT I don't want to deal with the drama. I live a quiet and peaceful life. Maybe I just don't care enough either! Welcome to the land of INDIFFERENCE! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
goodyblue Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I would never have told. But, he left so I never had to worry about it. I don't know what I would have done if it had gone on for a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Goodbye Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Oh OP....... Yes I would LOVE TO TELL HER what a POS she is married to! OH HELL TO THE YES! Oh and by the way...she can have the scumbag! I DON'T WANT HIM! BUT I don't want to deal with the drama. I live a quiet and peaceful life. Maybe I just don't care enough either! Welcome to the land of INDIFFERENCE! Lucky you. I thought I'd made it there, but not yet. Still harboring fantasies of "outing" him and letting him suffer the aftermath...whatever that entails. Link to post Share on other sites
TheOW Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 So what you are saying is that you couldnt end it by just walking away and telling him to never contact you? It seems improbable...Unless he had you locked in a closet. How would creating a huge firestorm help you to break away-if thats what you wanted.? I dont fault you for doing what you want, thats your right, though.. I sincerely hope you find the closure you need to move forward. TFY I know what ur saying but when ur in deep ur in deep. Was different for us as we live in the same small town everyone knows us knows our families, hell we even drank in the same boozer it was very intense emotionally and physically. I have closure we were caught sh*t hit the fan, it's over I'm the wicked witch and he's the victim of my seductiveness ... I can move on I'm only late 20's while he's the old man still clinging on to a marriage out of duty, I don't blame him he built his life with his wife and I wish them all the best. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I've got a recording that would make her pack his bags and kick him out. I would only use it if she was denying and minimizing. So what you are saying is that you would tell her the minimum and if that didn't send her over the edge enough to kick him out, then you pull out the big guns. Why would you wait? Why not just let it fly all at once? After all, I wanted the WHOLE TRUTH right from the get go from both FWH and MOW. The affair is already cowardly in my opinion but to refuse a person the whole truth right away makes both people seem even more cowardly. Just own up, take your lumps and start living again. I find that philosophy works in everyday life, from your job to the marriage to raising kids. The truth always hurts less than the lie when found out. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Cali408 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 My AP's BH knows me and told my wife. He also abused my AP DARK CONFESSION ALERT There is a call that I've fantasized to make, but would be so beneath me, I would rack up serious hell points and my wife would kill me. We were having an emotional/dirty talk affair when they were trying to conceive their only child. In the darkest corner of my mind, I dreamt of calling him and telling him, when you see your daughter, know who your wife was thinking of when she was impregnated. It's amazing the emotions and hatred that you manufacture in your head when you're in the fog. I would never do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 So what you are saying is that you would tell her the minimum and if that didn't send her over the edge enough to kick him out, then you pull out the big guns. Why would you wait? Why not just let it fly all at once? After all, I wanted the WHOLE TRUTH right from the get go from both FWH and MOW. The affair is already cowardly in my opinion but to refuse a person the whole truth right away makes both people seem even more cowardly. Just own up, take your lumps and start living again. I find that philosophy works in everyday life, from your job to the marriage to raising kids. The truth always hurts less than the lie when found out. Because the big gun would really really hurt her. Possibly cause a nervous break-down. I may be immoral and an OW, but don't want unnecessary pain. Link to post Share on other sites
underwater2010 Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Because the big gun would really really hurt her. Possibly cause a nervous break-down. I may be immoral and an OW, but don't want unnecessary pain. Don't you see that you have already created the pain by being in an affair to begin with. You cannot turn back time, but you can be honest once dday occurs. And if unnecessary pain is your goal, why even consider the "smoking gun" at all. Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yes, sometimes I feel like telling. Then i think about the drama it would cause in my life and stop the thoughts. In the beginning I felt guilty for not telling her the truth... i just wanted XBF to go away. Then when I sent her an email that he wasn't leaving me alone even during her pregnancy she sent me a nasty response. So no truth for her!!! And a part of me loves that she's living a sham of a M with her head deep in the sand. Idiot. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 I have this recurring fantasy when I call up the MM's wife and say "Hello. My name is Solostand and I have been having an affair with your husband for one year." And then give all the gory details. I don't think I would actually do this but I am expecting her call any day. She has in fact called me twice demanding to know who I was (my number showed up on their phone) and I lied I think convincingly. Sometimes I just want to get it over with and let the chips fall where they may. Go for it, what else do you have to lose? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Yes, sometimes I feel like telling. Then i think about the drama it would cause in my life and stop the thoughts. In the beginning I felt guilty for not telling her the truth... i just wanted XBF to go away. Then when I sent her an email that he wasn't leaving me alone even during her pregnancy she sent me a nasty response. So no truth for her!!! And a part of me loves that she's living a sham of a M with her head deep in the sand. Idiot. I feel sorry for his BS. She probably really loves him, but he's a douche (obviously) and the fact that most of your posts have a 'rub BS face in the A' undertone is very telling. Why don't you tell the BS maybe she is waiting like me to see his last screw-up. I've got my plan ready for if and when it happens. I'm allowing WH to prove to me how much this M means to him, but I will also allow him enough rope to hang himself should he fall back into old patterns. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
cif Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 (edited) I feel sorry for his BS. She probably really loves him, but he's a douche (obviously) and the fact that most of your posts have a 'rub BS face in the A' undertone is very telling. Why don't you tell the BS maybe she is waiting like me to see his last screw-up. I've got my plan ready for if and when it happens. I'm allowing WH to prove to me how much this M means to him, but I will also allow him enough rope to hang himself should he fall back into old patterns. Oh no no no... I dumped him the minute i found out he was leading her to believe their R was exclusive.. he told me he was seeing other people. this was a year+ ago. She asked for details, i ignored. Then when he wouldn't leave me alone she responded to one of my emails. I told them both to leave me alone and started an RO. They're now married with a child (and she has another). He hasn't stopped contact. Apparently she doesn't care. Cheating is unforgiveable for me. But I have never faced infidelity in a marriage. Just don't see why you'd live your life waiting for that moment when your H lapses (and i hope he doesn't). Edited October 11, 2013 by cif 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HopingAgain Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Because the big gun would really really hurt her. Possibly cause a nervous break-down. I may be immoral and an OW, but don't want unnecessary pain. It sounds more like you would want to do anything to make her see things YOUR way and make her kick him out so he can come to you by default. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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