ladydesigner Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 I was shocked and appalled. Even called him "evil" which is on the tape. He has a lot of pent up anger and resentment towards her. I'm glad you told him that. It's interesting that you bring up the pent up anger and resentment. My WH was the same way, very angry at me (for god knows what, probably because I am more quick witted than him in arguments). We also had a bit of a disconnect at the time of his A so I can see why it happened. My WH was always angry at me for not having sex with him more than 3 times a week. I think he was so angry at me that he had the A to get back at me. They say some A's are a form of acting out, especially if the WS had an abusive mother (my WH did). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 I have this recurring fantasy when I call up the MM's wife and say "Hello. My name is Solostand and I have been having an affair with your husband for one year." And then give all the gory details. I don't think I would actually do this but I am expecting her call any day. She has in fact called me twice demanding to know who I was (my number showed up on their phone) and I lied I think convincingly. Sometimes I just want to get it over with and let the chips fall where they may. I have considered it. The thought does not last long. Ultimately, his disclosure is up to him. However, if she were to call me with specific questions...I would not lie or protect him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 I'm glad you told him that. It's interesting that you bring up the pent up anger and resentment. My WH was the same way, very angry at me (for god knows what, probably because I am more quick witted than him in arguments). We also had a bit of a disconnect at the time of his A so I can see why it happened. My WH was always angry at me for not having sex with him more than 3 times a week. I think he was so angry at me that he had the A to get back at me. They say some A's are a form of acting out, especially if the WS had an abusive mother (my WH did). My MM had an abusive mother. She was an alcoholic who abandoned him as a baby and to this day he hates her. In many ways, he views his BS as a mother figure. His resentments involve how she spends money and allegedly orders him around. He is also passive aggressive so a perfect way to get back at her is to have a love affair with a "young hottie". Not bragging in any way, but I have been called drop dead gorgeous and a nine, plus I am much younger with a very good figure. He can't understand why "someone who can have any man she wants" wants him. I have daddy issues. That is why. Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingCars Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I do today. I wish I had Pm's or someone on the other side to help me write out as decent of a letter as would be possible. I'd seriously consider sending it, especially before he does what he wants to do next. This is just so messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
hippetyhop Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I do today. I wish I had Pm's or someone on the other side to help me write out as decent of a letter as would be possible. I'd seriously consider sending it, especially before he does what he wants to do next. This is just so messed up. I'd be happy to help, or at least review what you have. I wrote one to my xMM and the board was very helpful with insight. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hollyhillcourt Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 I do today. I wish I had Pm's or someone on the other side to help me write out as decent of a letter as would be possible. I'd seriously consider sending it, especially before he does what he wants to do next. This is just so messed up. I'd help you, but it would be WAY harsh after that ridiculous text he sent you. But honestly, if you have applied the 24-hour rule which applies to all hateful situations I wouldn't say anything. As my brother say's "Don't feed the Troll." Link to post Share on other sites
jlola Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 My MM had an abusive mother. She was an alcoholic who abandoned him as a baby and to this day he hates her. In many ways, he views his BS as a mother figure. His resentments involve how she spends money and allegedly orders him around. He is also passive aggressive so a perfect way to get back at her is to have a love affair with a "young hottie". Not bragging in any way, but I have been called drop dead gorgeous and a nine, plus I am much younger with a very good figure. He can't understand why "someone who can have any man she wants" wants him. I have daddy issues. That is why. Seems to be a lot of internal conflict within MM he needs to work out. How old are you and he? HE seems quite immature. Would daddy issues not have to attracted to older men who are mature,stable and have it together? I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
ChasingCars Posted October 15, 2013 Share Posted October 15, 2013 He came back this morning with long winded "loving" stuff. This bites. I have no desire AT ALL to be harsh or mean. Not at all...if that were the case I would just spit it out. I can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Author solostand Posted October 15, 2013 Author Share Posted October 15, 2013 He's 64. I am 49. One of "our" songs is "Who's Your Daddy" by Toby Keith: He picked it out, lol. who's your daddy, who's your baby, who's your lover who's your friend who's the one guy that you can run to when your world goes tumblin Link to post Share on other sites
HtotheN Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 At one point when I was feeling down he said "You know you have a HUGE card to play, right?" and I was confused, I had no idea what he was getting at, I told him I didn't have any cards, he said "Yes you do. You really hold ALL the cards right now. You could call up my girlfriend right now and tell her everything. You have that power." I was just kinda stunned... I told him "I don't really feel like I have that "card" because that was never even a consideration for me. That never was an actual option to me, I would never do that no matter how angry I was at you". Have you considered the possibility that he wants you to tell? (Didn't mean to t/j) Link to post Share on other sites
Phoe Posted October 19, 2013 Share Posted October 19, 2013 Have you considered the possibility that he wants you to tell? (Didn't mean to t/j) He has hinted that to a certain extent.... he always did say that he hoped she would just dump him and save him the trouble. But if I did that it would create a nasty rift between their two families and friends. He would actually like things to end with her on decent terms, peacefully. He would resent me if I threw him under the bus Link to post Share on other sites
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