Mui Mui Posted March 11, 1999 Share Posted March 11, 1999 Is it mere illusion? When I was still in the States, and was a student at a college, there was a guy who was disliked by his classmates, esp. the gals. He was described as "aggressive" and had no consideration for others. One gal liked him first, but started to hate him and made endless complaints about him. Another compared him to a barbarian, and tried to avoid him at all costs. I had no idea how he was like initially, as I did not belong to their circle. (though disliked, he and others who lived on campus often went to dinner together - which was a time for verbal fights) Last summer, I got to know him more, as he shifted to my office due to some obscure reason. Well, others would probably say that's cos he preferred the more spacious room of mine and disliked the crammed condition of the previous room ... He was so selfish and all that ... etc. Then I discovered he was in fact quite nice, smart and experienced. At times, his manner could be "childish" in front of me. Before I left college, I had to attend an oral test and give a presentation. As this came up in our conversation, this guy initiated to audit my test. I thought it was because he was curious and wanted to gain more experience (it's his turn this year). Or perhaps I seemed worried and he wanted to give support also? After the test, we became even familiar - though friendly might not be the right word, if time is necessary to qualify a "friendship". Though we shared the same office, we in fact only had several longer conversations alone - it's cos all our part-time work at college came to an end by the end of the term, and during summer the room was actually used for private purpose, e.g. studying ... I did not visit the office usually, and I was there last summer because I had to go to school to finsih up the dissertation before I graduated ... All the time, I told others that I would stay in the same college for 2-3 years further. However, I had a defnite plan in my head, which I revealed to them that I would tell them later - when time was ripe. Later, learning from my professor that I was going to the UK for study, this guy came to talk with me on purpose, when he knew I was in the computer room one day. I felt embarassed, as I did not use to be praised and complimented by people in such a straightforward way. Of course, when I talked about my future, I was happy. I noticed that though he appeared to feel happy for me, he was also a bit uncertain about his own future. I am now in UK, and one of the toppest schools there. However, I have lost contact with this guy. I used to treat him as a friend, and I have never met someone so frank, and so sincere, and has such a strong character. Yet my sister and mom both agree that he might in fact be quite "interested" in me, and has good feelings toward me -- based on what others thought of him, and how he treated me in the extremely short period of time we got together. Could that be true? If he had given his email address to me, I would have sent him mails as a friend by now ... he did not have my mail address. One of his female classmates, who dislikes him intensely, has my address, but our contact has also lapsed ... Later, having left the college, I discovered from other gals - who had bad opinion about him - that this guy's background was more "complicated" than ours. Well "complicated" was the word they used - though it sounds a bit odd to me - simply cos he was engaged in a certain career for several years before he came to this college. I really felt sorry for having been a bit outspoken in front of him, and not knowing his background, might have said something offensive to him - though he did not seem to have minded anything or to have got angry or that ... All these times, I have been wondering, was his demeanor somehow different in front of me, and was it cos I had never been "close" enough to him to be able to discover his "worst" qualities? How come the gals received one impression of him, and I another ... Do different people really have different definitions of what makes a person "loathesome" and "unlikeable"? and could my mom and sister's judgment in fact be true? Despite the fact that he was all the time so nice and warm to me, our contact had lapsed ... how wonderful it would be if our story is to continue ... Missing him now ... but nothing I can do. !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
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