MrMayI Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 divorced 4 years ago today. well, it became official anyway this day 4 years ago. since then, i've dated several other women. even moved myself and my daughter away for a year to try at another possible marriage. that failed and we came back home. been seeing a girl for the past three months. she has no job right now, and a family who is very dependent on her. after a 2 week stay at my house, she upped and left sunday night because her sister was sick and needed her to come take care of her infant daughter. i didn't hear from her again until wednesday when she texted me that she is going through a really rough time right now and "kinda needs some space. from everyone.". oooookay. been through this before so i know to just leave it at no contact and if it will be it will be. alright, this story is dragging. my ex wife and i have been in constant communication through all of this. not just in regards to our daughter, but everything. she's still with the man she got with supposedly after divorce, but i know better. these past couple of days i've found myself not thinking of the girl who just "dumped" me so much as how much i miss my ex wife. i can't believe after all this time that i think i still love her. in fact, i know i do. i don't think she's very committed in her relationship since she talks to me in some form almost all day, every day. not sure what to do. probably a highly confusing post, but i had to put it somewhere lol. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Given your back story - why are you now helping her to go behind her bf's back by communicating with her on this level? She cheats! You know she cheats - and now you are the one helping her DO that? No way, no how! She hasn't changed! You've just lowered your standards/boundary! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Given your back story - why are you now helping her to go behind her bf's back by communicating with her on this level? She cheats! You know she cheats - and now you are the one helping her DO that? No way, no how! She hasn't changed! You've just lowered your standards/boundary! exactly. that's what i needed to read. i'm not wanting her back believe me. i'm thinking i'm just trying to displace my emotions because i'm shaken up by the girlfriend of sorts "needing space". thanks for the insight. i needed a kick in the teeth and knew coming here would get it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 been seeing a girl for the past three months. she has no job right now, and a family who is very dependent on her. after a 2 week stay at my house, she upped and left sunday night because her sister was sick and needed her to come take care of her infant daughter. i didn't hear from her again until wednesday when she texted me that she is going through a really rough time right now and "kinda needs some space. from everyone.". oooookay. been through this before so i know to just leave it at no contact and if it will be it will be. You're in that "rebound" state of mind, grieving a failed relationship and maybe looking at past relationships through rose-colored glasses. That's all perfectly normal, but recognize it for what it is. Your ex-wife cheated on you, and I could at least make an argument that she's now emotionally cheating with you. She's no catch, man. You'd be doing yourself a favor by putting a little more distance between you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Your ex-wife cheated on you, and I could at least make an argument that she's now emotionally cheating with you. and i honestly could offer no rebuttal. it's truth. Link to post Share on other sites
GuyInLimbo Posted October 11, 2013 Share Posted October 11, 2013 Bro, you need IC badly. 4 years and you're not right at all. You're making mistake after mistake here. Stop dating and get your head on straight. Set a good example for your daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author MrMayI Posted October 11, 2013 Author Share Posted October 11, 2013 Bro, you need IC badly. 4 years and you're not right at all. You're making mistake after mistake here. Stop dating and get your head on straight. Set a good example for your daughter. woah now. let's set this one straight. i've been divorced 4 years. by several, i mean 3 women. only one of which has my daughter met and we all moved together after 2 years of she and i being together. i don't need counseling at all. every aspect of my life is in order. i just think i'll always have something there for my ex. she's the mother of my child and we were friends for years before we were together. just some confusion, for today. these aren't "mistake after mistake" type things. the two weeks recent girl was at my house, my daughter has been visiting the ex in laws across the country. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 woah now. let's set this one straight. i've been divorced 4 years. by several, i mean 3 women. only one of which has my daughter met and we all moved together after 2 years of she and i being together. i don't need counseling at all. every aspect of my life is in order. i just think i'll always have something there for my ex. she's the mother of my child and we were friends for years before we were together. just some confusion, for today. these aren't "mistake after mistake" type things. I think what he's suggesting is that three failed relationships - large and small, long and short - in four years has to make you wonder about your part of the dynamic. Now you may be the unluckiest man alive and just connected with 3 wrong women or...there may be something else at work. If so, you'd want to explore it to avoid making the same mistakes again. Something to think about... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
tojaz Posted October 14, 2013 Share Posted October 14, 2013 Bro, you need IC badly. 4 years and you're not right at all. You're making mistake after mistake here. Stop dating and get your head on straight. Set a good example for your daughter. GIL, I assure you MayI knows the score. Hey MayI, good to hear from you, but I wish it was a happier update. I'd have to say what your going through is par for the course bud. I've been going through all the same BS as you and if you remember the time frame is almost identical. (Hit 4 years in August.) Striking gold right out of the gate is rare, and getting into the swing of dating after a long absence and thinking you wouldn't need to return is rough, at least it has been for me. I know your not thinking about getting back with the ex, but there will always be a part of you that cares about her in some respect. I think that makes her comfortable, familiar. Especially when something else goes out of wack for a bit. Letting your mind wander is for the most part harmless as long as you know what it is and keep the daydream in perspective. Your ex-wife cheated on you, and I could at least make an argument that she's now emotionally cheating with you. That possibility is anything but harmless. TOJAZ Link to post Share on other sites
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