Worst OW/OM moments

[solostand]

OK my mm is 15 years older than me - he is 64 and I am 49.

 

So we spent about two months having an EA before it ever turned physical. We used to go for long drives everyday and talk and talk and bond et cetera.

 

So we both knew where it was heading so one day I invited him in to have sex.

 

So there I am in bed with a 64 year old man and all I could think of was "ewwww, a senior citizen is going down on me! I am letting grandpa go down on me!!!!!!!!!!!! Gross!"

 

Yeah, got over that feeling pretty much by the third time and now I love grandpa.

[solostand]

One other very uncomfortable moment - shortly after the affair started, him and his wife went to Florida (they are senior citizens so they go to Florida in February).

 

Now, before he left, he was declaring wild declarations of love for me and blah blah blah.

 

Once they got there, I did not feel I was hearing enough from him, so I called his cellphone.

 

She answered. I hung up.

 

She called me back and demanded to know who I was and why I was calling. It was like "This is Mrs. MM and why are you calling this number?"

 

On the spot I made up an exceptionally plausable explanation of who I was and what I wanted him for. It made total sense and she accepted it.

 

Yeah, he called me regular after that.

[egalew]

Worst? There were a handful.

 

One, toward the end of the relationship, when the wife was obviously monitoring his tracks, she called to say she'd bring him dinner at work, something she never would have done. He was with me and had to race to get back home. At that point, the realization that I was a compliance and helping someone sneak around and deceive a waiting wife hit home.

 

But the truly worst moment was after he and his wife separated and were in the process of divorce. When the realization that, "Oh, my God, I am gonna have to be a real man and play bills" hit him (he was a totally kept man) he had a major melt down on me and announced: "You know I still love my wife." This was after months of venting how much he wanted to be free.

 

That declaration hit me smack in the face. I never contacted him again or answered one of his e-mails.

[GypsumSatellite]

There are several moments. Some similar to what has already been posted, so I won't repeat. A few different ones are:

 

Important days to their M or his W being days he had to meet with me, and then him telling me the significance of those days later on to gauge my reaction.

 

Any time I was made to feel I was in competition for him - regarding him potentially seeking others or how women just approach him and ask him out on the job or in public despite me knowing his patterns given his vast stories about his dating history.

 

A few of the boundaries (stuff that even A veterans seem to feel is out of order and D worthy) being crossed and not grasping the potential impact until later on when I began talking to others who have had EMRs.

 

When he began taking me on trips while his W and kids were busy with things he should have been there for, IMO.

 

That time I unwittingly picked out something he gave to his W as something I thought he was getting for his mother.

 

The day I found out she knew. I wish we had compared notes, shared commiserations, anything. Instead, I called him to let him know she called me when I wasn't at home and she never called me again.

 

I begged for him back, once. Begging for someone back who isn't even yours... that's a pretty woeful moment.

[WalkOnBy]

The worst was actually seeing his wife in person.

I NEVER go to the mall. Went yesterday to pick up items for family coming in for holidays.

At food court drinkng a Diet Coke. Taking a break, scrolling through phone--- about 20 feet in front of me, there they were. I could hear my heart thumping out of my chest. Broke out in hives on my neck.

He didn't see me. I had on no makeup so I am glad he didn't. Walked nearer, sat on bench to get a discreet but better look at her. Sat there until for a second until they were out of site, then left to my car and lost it.

I HATED her on the spot. I know it's ugly and she did nothing. I know it's jealousy. She was laughing, telling him something. They weren't over the top affectionate or anything, but you could see they were closer than I had thought

I am beyond devastated.

She is my total opposite physically. I know enough about them to know they are not a perfect couple, but she seemed happy enough.

We are in contact and he has been clear from beginning he wasn't leaving her.

I thought I was okay with that, but after 3 years I am not. I don't want yo risk him being totally gone, so I will take anything he will give.

Like an idiot, I texted him. He hasn't responded. Knowing he is with her is one thing,SEEING it sucks. Seeing that she is stylish and pretty sucks more.

[whichwayisup]

The worst was actually seeing his wife in person.

I NEVER go to the mall. Went yesterday to pick up items for family coming in for holidays.

At food court drinkng a Diet Coke. Taking a break, scrolling through phone--- about 20 feet in front of me, there they were. I could hear my heart thumping out of my chest. Broke out in hives on my neck.

He didn't see me. I had on no makeup so I am glad he didn't. Walked nearer, sat on bench to get a discreet but better look at her. Sat there until for a second until they were out of site, then left to my car and lost it.

I HATED her on the spot. I know it's ugly and she did nothing. I know it's jealousy. She was laughing, telling him something. They weren't over the top affectionate or anything, but you could see they were closer than I had thought

I am beyond devastated.

She is my total opposite physically. I know enough about them to know they are not a perfect couple, but she seemed happy enough.

We are in contact and he has been clear from beginning he wasn't leaving her.

I thought I was okay with that, but after 3 years I am not. I don't want yo risk him being totally gone, so I will take anything he will give.

Like an idiot, I texted him. He hasn't responded. Knowing he is with her is one thing,SEEING it sucks. Seeing that she is stylish and pretty sucks more.

 

Have to address this. Who cares if he did see you without make up. Don't let this man ruin your self esteem!! Really, if he doesn't find you attractive without makeup on and dolled up, then he is shallow. Don't compare yourself to his wife either. That does nothing but fuel your fire and make you feel bad.

 

Anyway, your heart and emotions are hurting and you're jealous. Don't hate her. Hate HIM! He's the one who's made it seem like he's not that happily married, yet you've seen him "living life" with his wife, acting like any other couple would in public.

 

3 years and he isn't leaving. At least he's been honest with you by letting you know he has no intention of divorcing.

 

The ball is in YOUR court. If you don't like how this is turning out, end it. Or, accept that it's just an affair and learn to control your feelings, enjoy being his OW and take what you can out of it and don't put him first anymore. Stop investing SO MUCH of yourself and your heart into someone who is not investing in you.

 

I do hope you find it in you to end it once and for all. This is quite damaging to you emotionally and it's taking it's toll on your confidence level as well.

[SunsetRed]

If we were out riding in his vehicle and someone he thought knew him passed us, he'd say "s&%t, so and so saw me with you."

 

other times, he'd ask me to meet him in a public place, but we had to drive separately and walk in separately and I had to walk in as if I didn't see him/know him just in case someone he knew was there. If that person wasn't there, then he would approach me and we could be a "couple." again.

 

That's in the past now, he and I are broken up and ive moved on

[Mamas girl]

*him asking for gas money after coming to see me because he couldn't put it on debit card (he lives 30 min from me)*paying for hotel room

*seeing him and her at fertility doctor tryin to figure out why they haven't conceived (totally random and unexpected event)

*hiding in car as we drove to his house (many times)

*him showing me things in his house he remodeled because "she wanted it"

*giving in after three weeks no contact only for no contact to begin again two days later

List goes on.....worst mistake I ever made. Affairs are terrible and would advise anyone to not get involved in one. Hurt and pain all the way around. (I realize it does work out for some and I am happy for those people.)

[WakingUp]

Being abandoned in a remote place because his W decided to pick him up there.

 

Then spending five hours alone on complicated bus/train/bus arrangements to get home alone in the dark, tired, cold and hungry.

 

And getting a text from him in the middle of it all saying "All Ok"

 

Yeah, he was OK, I was sitting on a train platform in the dark crying and I was not OK.

 

I think I need to post more. Makes me look at what I have put up with.

[hopewild]

Being abandoned in a remote place because his W decided to pick him up there.

 

Then spending five hours alone on complicated bus/train/bus arrangements to get home alone in the dark, tired, cold and hungry.

 

And getting a text from him in the middle of it all saying "All Ok"

 

Yeah, he was OK, I was sitting on a train platform in the dark crying and I was not OK.

 

I think I need to post more. Makes me look at what I have put up with.

 

I am SO sorry.