Coping with a break-up, so lonely....

[Pioneer]

Hi All,

 

Been almost a month now and the pain of not having my special girl around is still unbearable.....

 

A brief history: Me and my girlfriend, both 21 have had an up and down relationship, but on the whole very loving. We met at school, I confessed that I really liked her and things went from there. She became my best friend and after 4 years together, became a piece of my life. I know we are only young, and the consensus is to get out there and have fun, but no one really comes close to what we had. Anyway, we had a mutual breakup after I kissed another girl at a club, I confessed, we split up as we were both unhappy at the time and all seemed Ok. Then a few days later, she called saying she had a made a terrieble mistake and wanted to get back together. I on the other hand, was so consumed in my own "single" life, that I didn't want to get back with her...

 

6 months went by, with her begging me to come back on almost a daily basis. I on the other hand was well and truly single, kissing other girls, slept with one of her friends and generally being an idiot. I still contacted her, and ocasionally went round to "comfort" her, which I know was wrong, but I just couldn't help myself.

 

Then one day I took her out for her birthday, seeing that she was as low as anyone can get, thought I could cheer her up and we still got on really well. She had lost weight, even tho she was slim to start with and she looked tired with sleepless nights, probably over what ever the hell I was up to...

 

I then decided that maybe we could make another got of it, she was ecstatic, "birthdays and xmas's in one" she said, bless her..... So here we were back together and happy. We went on holidays, eat out all the time, had days in the park, did everything together, she was my angel once again.

 

Then about a year later, I went on holiday with the boys and kissed a girl on the first night, nothing more happened, I didn't want it to either. I felt horrible for the rest of the holiday and regreted it hugely, as I knew what it would do to her if she found out.

 

I get home and we were so pleased to see eachother, it was great. However this "kiss" was still hanging over me like a dagger. 1 month went by and she didn't know anything, then one night, she claimed that she had heard something, I then came clean, but she hadn't known anything at all, so I had been had.

 

She was obvioulsly upset, but we worked it thru, then after a few months, she phoned me at work, and confessed that she hadn't gone to University and was with her friend Brian, who for the last few weeks she had been confiding in, completely innocently, about out relationship. She said that she could no longer trust me and the relationship was over. I nearly died there and then on my desk. It was like the world was ending and I'd just been told.

 

I know from what I have said above, I am the bad man, but I loved her to bits, she was so special to me, we did everything together, now the nights are so lonely, its like someone has died overnight, never to return.

 

I feel maybe this is what I deserve, but I thought we loved eachother. Trying not to contact her, but I get so worked up about what she is doing and who with, it breaks my heart. I feel maybe that her friend Brian is clouding her judgement, not giving her time to think about what has happened. She seems so busy with her work and friends at the moment, I feel Like I have been droped like a lead balloon by my best freind, my lover and my sweetness.....

 

How can I cope??????

[Nick14]

Well, pioneer, I really don't know what to say. I don't judge people, but in my opinion, I have to agree with your ex on this. You kissed a girl once and you guys both broke up. You guys hook up again and you kissed another girl. I can understand why she ended it cause 1. The first breakup was your fault 2. the 2nd breakup was her fault, only cause she agreed to get back together and then you broke her trust again. So, she feels like a complete idiot now and resents everything during the 2nd go around, trust me man theres alot of regrets. Also, did you really do love her, cause it seems to me kissing 2 girls doesn't seem like it, even when drunk if you were drunk. Again, I am not trying to judge you, just my opinions on it. What to do next? Its change and learn from what you screwed up on for the next girl you hook up with. If you want to know if she will come back? Thats a good question, I really don't think she will come back unless she really loves you and can really forgive you(as now and days I can't really see any girl coming back, hell my ex broke up with me after 2.5 years only cause she feels like she is drifting away aka, wants to have more fun and experience new things, bunch of bullocks and she hasn't contacted me since that and its been 3 months and I never cheated on her. But since you kissed 2 girls, I don't forsee her actually coming back and starting something again). Basically you had your 2nd chance(which any guy who ex has dumped them, would wish to have)and you dropped the ball. My advice, NC and just move on and don't bug her, obviously girls hate that, but thats just girls. Good luck!

[Pioneer]

Hi,

 

Thankyou for your reply....

 

I was expecting an answer like that, as I typed away, I could see painfully clear how stupid I was to loose someone so special. I spose the old saying "You dont know what you've got till its gone" is truer than ever.

 

Its frightening how two people can go through so much, do so many things together, have so many happy memories and for them all to some how become irrelavent when you mess up.

 

I'm doing better now, decided that Its gona do me know good by pining for her to come back and put my life on hold for that day to come. I still miss her, still want her back, but she's in the driving seat so I just have to deal with it and get along. Limbo land I think its called.

 

Haven;t seen her for a couple of weeks now, thats been hard, taken her pictures down in my room so I dont have to remid myself what I've lost, but when I'm alone I can only think of her.....

 

Broke the NC thing tho, still want her to know I'm here, dont think it did me any good tho, just reminded me how far apart we are now...

 

This website has helped me, but I think I need to draw a line (in pencil, so I can rub it out if need be) under this and get on with my life. I'm 21, got a good job, good friends, I'm not bad looking, so the worlds my oyster I suppose, but it will be lonely this xmas, thats for sure.....

 

Thankyou and goodnight