AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 On Monday night he stopped by for less than an hour.. we had crazy rough sex .. About forty five minutes later my family was home and I had dinner cooked and ready .. We ate and talked and had a great evening. The next day I saw him again.. And his wife as well, pleasant conversation, no problem at all.. Do other people really let guilt consume them? Why is it so easy for us? I'm really starting to wonder.. It's not like I feel no guilt at all, I've had my moments and so has he, but seriously.. It feels like I do not think about it unless I'm alone. I also have a hard time looking him in the eye when his wife or my husband is in the room, I'd say that must be a sign of feeling guilty. I have a hard time looking him in the eye unless we are alone because he knows what I'm thinking. Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 You do sound desensitized. Or that you're able to compartmentalize it. (Not sure that's a good thing, either, though.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 You do sound desensitized. Or that you're able to compartmentalize it. (Not sure that's a good thing, either, though.) I have always lived my life in compartments.. But more in a fantasy world, then the real one and this is the first time the fantasy because reality, and when I'm doing daily things I still think of it like its just a fantasy and not really real if nobody knows... the didn't strike me as dangerous ground until recently. I'm wondering if it'll start to catch up.. Because I'm actually a very empathetic person although I'm sure nobody here understands that.. Doing this is the only thing I've ever done like this before. I have no desire to stop. Just learn how to manage it so its as little risk as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I wanted to get to this place. Think of how great life can be for you if uou don't feel guilty? And honestly, i didn't feel a lot of guilt until it built up so big I wanted to die. Now I don't think it is healthy to become desensitized like that. It really just means you are cold and callous in an area. It stops you from being a good person through and through. I would much rather have my morals abide by them and be a good person than have the drug like addictivness of an affair. Oh and the roller coaster of emotions. I ws not cut out to lead a double life and campartmentlize. I was not cut out to be a liar and deciever or a part of such. Ironicaly the biggest times I felt like dirt and awful during was when: I looked in my husband's eyes and I heard the words "cheater, he doesn't deserve this" but I would smile and return his ILYs When his wife high fived me for getting more sex than her in front of my husband on my infamous camping trip. She didn't know about her H and I having sex. I do feel guilt just it comes and goes and it mostly when I'm alone. And I'm wondering if I'm almost trying to teach myself not to feel it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 I've realized I come across as very cold here.. I'm not that kind of person, not the kind of person who does THIS.. Yet I've been doing it for a year with no intention to stop. I am brutally honest here and it comes across as brutally rude and cold I think sometimes... :/ 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 The inability to feel guilt is one of the hallmarks of narcissism. That explains your behavior. I am not saying you meet the criteria for diagnosis, but you seem to have at least 1-2 narcissistic traits. No big deal, all of us have some traits of personality disorders. It is only a problem when they are exaggerated. Your difficulty looking in the eye of your lover when the wife is around is not about guilt. I think you simply fear to get caught. Easily deceiving them with charm should be your goal and it seems you are almost there. But it's not like I feel no guilt at all! I do in all other aspects of life for sure but the amount I do for this does not seem normal. Or should I say healthy for my character. I would not disagree I have a lot of narcassistic tendencies.. Id like to find out what that really means for the future because at the moment I'm quite happy.. But I'm looking to the future. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 On Monday night he stopped by for less than an hour.. we had crazy rough sex .. About forty five minutes later my family was home and I had dinner cooked and ready .. We ate and talked and had a great evening. The next day I saw him again.. And his wife as well, pleasant conversation, no problem at all.. Do other people really let guilt consume them? Why is it so easy for us? I'm really starting to wonder.. It's not like I feel no guilt at all, I've had my moments and so has he, but seriously.. It feels like I do not think about it unless I'm alone. I also have a hard time looking him in the eye when his wife or my husband is in the room, I'd say that must be a sign of feeling guilty. I have a hard time looking him in the eye unless we are alone because he knows what I'm thinking. You asked.. You don't feel like you're doing anything wrong because nobody is suspecting or suspicious. You're getting away with it, you've learned to cope and lie well, hide it all. You not being able to look him in the eye is probably more because others will 'notice' the look and maybe pick up on that energy stare rather than guilt. Says more about what the others might pick up on rather than guilt. THough I could be wrong there.. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I've realized I come across as very cold here.. I'm not that kind of person, not the kind of person who does THIS.. Yet I've been doing it for a year with no intention to stop. I am brutally honest here and it comes across as brutally rude and cold I think sometimes... :/ But you ARE that person, now. Maybe you weren't but having this affair has made you into someone else. You're not the woman your husband married, though he isn't aware of it. It's good you're honest...Just please, allow others to speak honestly too, as long as it's respectfully said. My question to you is, when there is a DDAY (and there will be eventually) own this. Can you be as honest to your H and his W as you are here now? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) After your post about the type of oral sex you and your buddy enjoy do you also feel guilty when you kiss your children or your husband good night? Just sayin', Twosadthings P.S. I think it's interesting that the poster Rae Lana kept saying she couldn't change her behavior because she was a "bad" person. In post after post you extoll your virtues but show what horrible things you do to the people who you should be loving. I think you should stop saying how wonderful you are because when all is said and done you are what you do and your family will not excuse your betrayal because you kept a clean house or cooked them dinner. Edited October 12, 2013 by twosadthings added thought 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 After your post about the type of oral sex you and your buddy enjoy do you also feel guilty when you kiss your children or your husband good night? Just sayin', Twosadthings P.S. I think it's interesting that the poster Rae Lana kept saying she couldn't change her behavior because she was a "bad" person. In post after post you extoll your virtues but show what horrible things you do to the people who you should be loving. I think you should stop saying how wonderful you are because when all is said and done you are what you do and your family will not excuse your betrayal because you kept a clean house or cooked them dinner. Other people may have excuses for why they do it, I don't. I'm not a bad person and I'm pretty honest with myself. I haven't felt a lot of guilt lately but that doesn't mean I haven't at all. I don't have intention to stop it right now but it could end at any time, I'll deal with that. It's all about risk. I don't take much risk. It's not worth it, there's all the time in the world. My kids are fine. My husband will be home fit 4 days and then gone for another couple of weeks. And he's out tonight while I'm alone with sleeping kids.. Like I have been that last ten days without him home. I keep them all quite happy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 But you ARE that person, now. Maybe you weren't but having this affair has made you into someone else. You're not the woman your husband married, though he isn't aware of it. It's good you're honest...Just please, allow others to speak honestly too, as long as it's respectfully said. My question to you is, when there is a DDAY (and there will be eventually) own this. Can you be as honest to your H and his W as you are here now? If confronted Id be honest, I don't think that's much of a worry right nor but I don't really have the energy to make up any stories. We havent had to do that at all. Link to post Share on other sites
LilGirlandOW Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I've realized I come across as very cold here.. I'm not that kind of person, not the kind of person who does THIS.. Yet I've been doing it for a year with no intention to stop. I am brutally honest here and it comes across as brutally rude and cold I think sometimes... :/ I don't feel any guilt in my A, and I'm a good person, I get along well with everybody in real life, people in life tend to like me. I'm brutally honest here, and LS posters tend to not like me at all. Lol. Although I was reminded today the type of demographic that posts here, the brutal honesty and explicit transparency of an A in their face I heard is a trigger. Errrr but back from my t/j'ing I am a good hearted person and do not feel guilty of my R with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Maybe you have empathy in other situations. However, you have zero empathy regarding your H and the W of you lover. Lack of empathy is another diagnostic criterion for narcissism. You may need counseling. I thought she skip over this answer and not reply to it. Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 If tomorrow you find the cure for cancer you'd still be a liar and cheater who is toxic to her family. You say you live in the moment and don't concern yourself with the future. I hope that when you are ultimately exposed you can accept what the future has instore for you because even I wouldn't wish it on you. Twosadthingss 1 Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I don't feel guilty either. As my grandmother used to say, all is fair in love and war. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
yellowmaverick Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I don't feel guilty either. As my grandmother used to say, all is fair in love and war. So all horrible behavior is excusable if it's done in the name of "love"? Good to know. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
rumbleseat Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I don't feel guilty either. As my grandmother used to say, all is fair in love and war. Those who say that are usually not the ones who have ever been hurt by love ( be it an affair or something else ) or been to war. Link to post Share on other sites
solostand Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 oh baby ive been hurt by love 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Maybe you should consider IC. The lack of empathy for those closest to you is a HUGE issue. Who cares if you throw a quarter to a homeless guy, if you are emotionally raping your family. If you found out, a male friend of yours, was abusing his wife and children. Would you then judge him on whether or not he coached little league. Or would you judge him on his ability to walk around and coach little league half an hour after he put his son in the hospital? I do find that some become desensitized when they believe that they are a good person, and are actively hurting innocent parties and CHILDREN. And as far as the comment about "the crowd" you are playing to. I agree if you are to only ask those that are participating in the same actions as you, you will get more agreement. However, whether one is BS or not, most everyone else will disagree with you. Not only a BS, the general public, laws, religion....just about everywhere else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AutumnMoon Posted October 12, 2013 Author Share Posted October 12, 2013 If tomorrow you find the cure for cancer you'd still be a liar and cheater who is toxic to her family. You say you live in the moment and don't concern yourself with the future. I hope that when you are ultimately exposed you can accept what the future has instore for you because even I wouldn't wish it on you. Twosadthingss I absolutely did not say I don't worry about the future.. The affair is by the moment.. But it could end any day or last years depending on the risk. If I thought it would be exposed, it would be over. That's what I meant. I also am concerned about the future if I'm basically teaching myself not to feel emotions, I'm a pretty emotional person so to be able to successfully lie and go through these motions with little to no guilt at the moment concerns me a bit. I don't want to lose who I am. Link to post Share on other sites
twosadthings Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) I think you need to ask yourself who you are. I still maintain you are what you do not what you say you are or what you portray yourself to be. Read "The Portrait of Dorian Grey". Twosadthings Edited October 12, 2013 by twosadthings typo Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I don't feel guilty either. As my grandmother used to say, all is fair in love and war. Well there you have it.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I don't feel guilty either. As my grandmother used to say, all is fair in love and war. Geneva Convention be damned...oh wait..I think that is why War Trials exist. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lace5262 Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Well there you have it.... Something about an apple and a tree come to mind. I didn't think it was possible for me to respect my Grandma's more than I do - I was wrong:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
Scott Thomas Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Desensitised? (or Desensitized in US English). May be. Since I do not know you, I shall refrain from passing an indecorous judgement on your character. What I can assure you is that your behaviour is extremely stupid. Pricking my numb, anaesthetized arm may not hurt with a needle may not hurt; However, I would be extremely naive if I knew that I would groan in agony when the anaesthesia wore off, but still continued pricking myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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