GatsbyMH Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 I don't think I ever really felt guilty from day one. Nervous, yes. Scared to get caught, yes. Guilty, not so much. I can only speak for myself in this but I think I never felt guilty because I never really loved my wife. Not like a man should. I settled for her because she wasn't a bad person, I could tolerate her and at the time the sex was okay. Even though I knew I was doing wrong I never felt guilt because I believe I stand by my decisions, even if they could hurt people. Years later I realized I never really loved my wife and she admitted to only doing "extracurricular" stuff during sex before marriage so that I wouldn't leave her (which little bit stopped after marriage) After years of feeling neglected and bad about myself for wanting a better sex life that I couldn't have, and now finally getting it, I don't feel guilty. Not one bit. The lying though. That bugs me. I'm so sick of lying. After a while it seems so ridiculous. The extremes we go to to protect the lie. I remember thinking to myself, as I was driving home that I needed to pretend I had been at the gym. I had been with my lady at a hotel. So, in order to recreate a gym session I turned the heat on in the car in the middle of summer to get a good sweat going. At the time I was amazed at what I would do to protect the lie. Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Autumn moon, I certainly believe you when you boast about your good Qualities. I believe you when you speak about your not so endearing Qualities as well. I mean why would Anyone choose to be around someone who was not likeable ? What you have described of yourself, are many Qualities and faults but do not answer What kind of a person, overall you are. It leaves me wondering and asking You... With All you have shared Here on LS along w/the support/advice you have given both harshly & kindly, what kind of a person do You think you are? I ask because it's so easy, as a BW, and maybe as other parts in an A triangle to "judge" or make assumptions/assessments that may only accurately address only part of your faults or qualities, but not Who You or What You really are overall. I miss an OW poster (LHF) who really gave LS the kind of person she is/was. I certainly didn't agree But I know she was a Good person overall. I hope this is read how I intended, w/sincerity & kindness* Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny_Girl Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Lying to spouse and innocent children, contributing to the demise of a family, sneaking around, not leaving an "unhappy" marriage for the sake of innocent children involved, having sex with someone else's mate/spouse, disrespecting sanctity of marriage and commitment...I'm sorry but you're not a "good" person. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 Sunny girl, stop that! Please!! It's not about what You and I think of what kind of a person she may or may not be. More importantly, it's Her answer that matters. It matters to Her , Her BH, Her Betrayed Children. There are a good many times when, if asked the right questions, in the Right way, w/out outside interference, that Great self insight can be obtained. Problem is, when "the enemy" interferes/butts in/attempts to answer for, then the defensive answer is given and maybe even believed by the person giving it and zero insight learned... sorry autumn moon... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny_Girl Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 (edited) Sunny girl, stop that! Please!! It's not about what You and I think of what kind of a person she may or may not be. More importantly, it's Her answer that matters. It matters to Her , Her BH, Her Betrayed Children. There are a good many times when, if asked the right questions, in the Right way, w/out outside interference, that Great self insight can be obtained. Problem is, when "the enemy" interferes/butts in/attempts to answer for, then the defensive answer is given and maybe even believed by the person giving it and zero insight learned... sorry autumn moon... This is a public forum. It's MY opinion and I'm allowed to express it, as are you. Edited October 12, 2013 by Sunny_Girl Link to post Share on other sites
ComingInHot Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 totally Missed the point... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunny_Girl Posted October 12, 2013 Share Posted October 12, 2013 As did you. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 (edited) asking yourself if you're a "good" person or not, is indicative of someone who has serious doubts about themselves. the OP then goes on to describe her "good" qualities to minimize her affair behavior. the thing is, all the positives that she claims to possess gets trumped by her affair. the kicker here is that she doesn't seem to want to end this unless the risk becomes too high. she enjoys it. like she said, she feels no guilt..... almost to the point where she feels entitled to it. sounds to me like she's enjoying cuckolding her husband and betraying her "friend"..... almost as if she "gets off" on it- they both do! Desensitized, i think not..... morally bankrupt is more like it. i'm just being "brutally honest" here. Edited October 13, 2013 by Artie Lang 6 Link to post Share on other sites
GypsumSatellite Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 AutumnMoon, I think desensitized might be a good description. At times, there have been parts of my A hat have really resonated with how you have described yours. I had periodic guilt then when confronted with a new boundary change, a stillness. An acceptance that this is what had to happen if I was going to remain with him. You're in that same space, I think. I know in other areas of my life my character is strong. I know in previous Rs my character was strong. I look at my behavior in my A with my MM and I see this is where my character has not been strong. It doesn't mean I'm bad, but it gives me something to figure out. It gives me time to consider why I'm going through motions to remain still and calm when I'd retch in any other R being told about something that has occurred in our A. Maybe it's just you've learned what it takes to get through the events of the A and your normal days, and that doesn't make you cold. It's you bearing a load as best as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts