Broke NC Today Now What?

[Ireallydontknow]

You've got some serious co-dependency issues. I'll do it since everyone else is being pretty nice. Dude, honestly being clingy and needy is disgusting. As I talk to girls now, nothing makes me turn my ass around and run more than the neediness. It's ugly, you will not get her back like this. You will probably never get her back.

 

She already dumped you for another person before? That's a great sign that she is trash. Do you like to eat out of the trash? I used to, now I'm kind of getting into gourmet foods.

 

So quit ignoring us. Move on, it hurts like hell, but today I had a good day. I got really drunk and made out with a girl and felt her up. I mean, life will get better if you let it. Sitting around and analyzing her life while shes up probably banging many dudes is not good for the soul. Just remember odds are she is bent over being railed full force. I used to think of my ex doing that so I could not care about it. It hurts less every time

 

So be strong, women like strong.

[SheWillComeBack]

You've got some serious co-dependency issues. I'll do it since everyone else is being pretty nice. Dude, honestly being clingy and needy is disgusting. As I talk to girls now, nothing makes me turn my ass around and run more than the neediness. It's ugly, you will not get her back like this. You will probably never get her back.

 

She already dumped you for another person before? That's a great sign that she is trash. Do you like to eat out of the trash? I used to, now I'm kind of getting into gourmet foods.

 

So quit ignoring us. Move on, it hurts like hell, but today I had a good day. I got really drunk and made out with a girl and felt her up. I mean, life will get better if you let it. Sitting around and analyzing her life while shes up probably banging many dudes is not good for the soul. Just remember odds are she is bent over being railed full force. I used to think of my ex doing that so I could not care about it. It hurts less every time

 

So be strong, women like strong.

 

Thing I am not getting here is why you guys think it is a bad idea to get back with your ex?

[Simon Phoenix]

So I sent her that email yesterday and she contacted me on skype today asking me how I am doing and all. Then she said she gotta go and she will message me later. Is this a good sign?

 

Not particularly. Doesn't really mean anything.

[Simon Phoenix]

Thing I am not getting here is why you guys think it is a bad idea to get back with your ex?

 

It's a bad idea to get back with your ex because you are needy, clingy, overemotional mess right now and not only will you not get her back acting like this, but you will just prolong and deepen your hurt. You have to fix you first before you can even think about her. In the process, you might discover that you don't even need her.

[Ireallydontknow]

Say If I kicked you in your junk, you'd be pretty pissed off at me. Your ex is kicking you in the junk and you are asking for seconds and thirds. She already did this twice? That's a TERRIBLE sign.

[SheWillComeBack]

Say If I kicked you in your junk, you'd be pretty pissed off at me. Your ex is kicking you in the junk and you are asking for seconds and thirds. She already did this twice? That's a TERRIBLE sign.

 

I am not a jealous type, neither am I clingy or needy, never behaved that way in my whole life. I really like this girl. When she did that to me first time I didnt even say a word. I didn't even ask why. I just let her go. When she started talking to me again she wanted to explain stuff. I said I don't want to hear it, you are here and this is all that matters. I know i handled it pretty well first time.

 

When she came back to me second time I did things for her that no one would. I treated her like a princess. "Honey I cannot decide between this dish and this" I used to order both. A lot to it. But what i did not realize was it was actually giving an impression of me being obsessive and needy. And she ended up saying she lost attraction towards me. I know same old story.

 

But when she was leaving me second time I freaked out and behaved stupid I cried saying why again? Tried to get in her email checking if there is again someone else? She find out. I could not believe she was leaving me again. So I got mad and did what I was not suppose to. I however did not beg this time as well. I was on NC from day one of breakup. But I am not sure if someone can come back from that point or not.

 

I love this girl and all she could see is that I was being obsessive.

Edited October 14, 2013 by SheWillComeBack

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

I am not a jealous type, neither am I clingy or needy, never behaved that way in my whole life. I really like this girl. When she did that to me first time I didnt even say a word. I didn't even ask why. I just let her go. When she started talking to me again she wanted to explain stuff. I said I don't want to hear it, you are here and this is all that matters. I know i handled it pretty well first time.

 

When she came back to me second time I did things for her that no one would. I treated her like a princess. "Honey I cannot decide between this dish and this" I used to order both. A lot to it. But what i did not realize was it was actually giving an impression of me being obsessive and needy. And she ended up saying she lost attraction towards me. I know same old story.

 

But when she was leaving me second time I freaked out and behaved stupid I cried saying why again? Tried to get in her email checking if there is again someone else? She find out. I could not believe she was leaving me again. So I got mad and did what I was not suppose to. I however did not beg this as well. I was on NC from day one of breakup. But I am not sure if someone can come back from that point or not.

 

You look INCREDIBLY needy, clingy, and desperate to me and I don't know. Who KNOWS how bad you look in her eyes. You are butchering everything currently and it doesn't feel good does it? No.....so STOP contacting her.

 

She said she would talk to you becsuse she knows you are not surviving currently.....and no, were not condeming getting back with an ex, but when she is done with the relationship then where is there to go?

[Ireallydontknow]

Wow that's some pretty big denial there. Princess? Lemme quote some rap "You can't turn a ho into a queen."

 

Being a doormat = you being codependent, because no one with a back bone would stand for the crap.

 

SO I think you got a lotttttt of soul searching to do.

[SheWillComeBack]

You look INCREDIBLY needy, clingy, and desperate to me and I don't know. Who KNOWS how bad you look in her eyes. You are butchering everything currently and it doesn't feel good does it? No.....so STOP contacting her.

 

She said she would talk to you becsuse she knows you are not surviving currently.....and no, were not condeming getting back with an ex, but when she is done with the relationship then where is there to go?

 

This hurts, we are fuc**** human being we do mistakes. But it is those dumpers who just decide to leave and never wanna talk about stuff and try to make it work and put efforts in it. They leave you and be with someone else in very first week or month who is needy now? All I want is one person to spent my life with and they want to try all. Who is desperate now? they spoil next relation and come back to the best thing that happened to them, who is clingy now?

[reddragon588]

I am not a jealous type, neither am I clingy or needy, never behaved that way in my whole life. I really like this girl. When she did that to me first time I didnt even say a word. I didn't even ask why. I just let her go. When she started talking to me again she wanted to explain stuff. I said I don't want to hear it, you are here and this is all that matters. I know i handled it pretty well first time.

 

Did you though? Didn't you say she did this to you again?

 

I would say that ignoring what happened and pretending like it never occurred is not the right way to handle these things.

[Ireallydontknow]

Just get pissed off, it's part of the process. The process is never going to be fully set in motion if you don't go full NC. Quit feeding her, her ego kibble. So what if she jumps into a relationship, yeah it's stupid as crap, but it isn't about her anymore.

 

So own your feelings, deal with them, it'll pass. It's crazy to think that at one point it will pass, but it does.

[organizedchaos]

So I sent her that email yesterday and she contacted me on skype today asking me how I am doing and all. Then she said she gotta go and she will message me later. Is this a good sign?

 

No, it is not.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

This hurts, we are fuc**** human being we do mistakes. But it is those dumpers who just decide to leave and never wanna talk about stuff and try to make it work and put efforts in it. They leave you and be with someone else in very first week or month who is needy now? All I want is one person to spent my life with and they want to try all. Who is desperate now? they spoil next relation and come back to the best thing that happened to them, who is clingy now?

 

You....you are desperate and clingy now. Not saying its not normal or unusual, but that's exactly what you're doing. Imagine you made a decision about what to eat for dinner. You thought about it for a while and you decided that Mcdonalds was the best choice. Would you want someone to keep getting ahold of you asking and convining you that you made the wrong choice? Terrible example but you get the idea. She made the decision so there is nothing you can do about it.

 

We've all made mistakes and a LARGE amount of people have done the same thing you have. With that said, I'm not going to sugarcoat things for you because it won't help you. Truth sucks but its what you need to hear.

 

Stop talking to her because its just hurting you more. What's done is done.

[Brown-Eyez]

not to hijack OP's thread

but just want to thank JoelBarish for reposting Barky's post on letting go when you're dumped

 

i re-read and it was super helpful to me

so much so I added one of his lines to my signature

 

my last signature was starting to depress me

i got to get some back bone!

 

and you, OP that is what you need too!!

go no contact, LEAVE HER ALONE and GIVE HER ALOT OF SPACE

 

if it helps you to think that it will get her back someday than use that to trick your brain from reaching out to her

just stay the f**k away from her and you will be much better off!

 

keep posting here to help with your feelings of lonliness and desperation--

everyone here is very supportive

[SheWillComeBack]

Okay I get it I need to give her a lot of space and time. I am really doing it. But what if she start to talk? What do I do in that case? Ignore her? If yes then how I am suppose to get her back.

 

Yes I really want her back. Coz I see my fault in all this.

[Brown-Eyez]

Its the weirdest thing

but really distance makes the heart want more

 

you stay away from her

be very cool if you respond to her texts

 

and just let her know that the both of you should just take alittle time (like a month or 2) to think

that way she won't feel that you don't care anymore

[Simon Phoenix]

Its the weirdest thing

but really distance makes the heart want more

 

you stay away from her

be very cool if you respond to her texts

 

and just let her know that the both of you should just take alittle time (like a month or 2) to think

that way she won't feel that you don't care anymore

 

This shouldn't be something you think about. They broke up with you -- it's up to them to show that they care, not you to show that you care. I mean, you were fired from the relationship. If they cared about keeping the relationship intact, they'd still be with you.

[Simon Phoenix]

Okay I get it I need to give her a lot of space and time. I am really doing it. But what if she start to talk? What do I do in that case? Ignore her? If yes then how I am suppose to get her back.

 

Yes I really want her back. Coz I see my fault in all this.

 

Yes, ignore her. It's time for you to focus completely on you. All contact with her is toxic to you right now.

[ConfusedHumanBeing]

Its the weirdest thing

but really distance makes the heart want more

 

you stay away from her

be very cool if you respond to her texts

 

and just let her know that the both of you should just take alittle time (like a month or 2) to think

that way she won't feel that you don't care anymore

 

No no no no....

 

This is just a HUGE setup for fail.

 

You move on from it. A breakup is a breakup....not a trial seperation. She made the move and found someone else. Dont talk to her because you need to move away from it NOT to make her think you don't care. Honestly, she doesnt care right now other than her guillt.

[SheWillComeBack]

Hey Guys, You keep on saying that she left me for someone else. She did not leave me for someone else. She left coz I did some mistake and then she said she need time, and I could not give her space and in the end I tried to get in her email blew it all. This is the reason she left. So in this case I am the one who is guilty not her. That is why I think I should contact her.

[Emma1234]

Guilt is one of the main stages of grief. In my opinion it is also one of the worst. Every little thing that you did/said will be blown out of proportion in your mind and you will blame yourself for everything. Trust me, I never thought i'd get through the guilt but here I am 5 months post break up, 3 months nc (apart from breadcrumbs from him that I ignored) and feeling good about myself.

 

It is time, you need to give yourself time. You feel like you need to speak to her as you 'may be able to be friends if you be there for her/talk to her/etc).' WRONG. I believed this too, I know now that you also have to learn from experience. The amount of people on here that told me things that I didn't listen to... really wish I did.

 

You're probably thinking we're all wrong and your situation is DIFFERENT but sadly it honestly isn't. I had all the same thoughts.

 

The only thing you can do is MOVE ON.

 

MOVE ON for yourself. Truly find yourself, your interests, your goals in life (ones that don't include your ex - even though you'll feel like they all do), dig down to the core of yourself and discover what makes you you, in the meantime work on your issues, do counselling, take up hobbies and exercise just to humor us, treat yourself to something that you enjoy or like once a week.

 

Most importantly block all forms of contact. It will probably be one of the most difficult things you will ever have done but prove to yourself and us that you're a strong guy.

 

Women like strong guys so you'll be building on that trait of yours in the process.

 

I'm not saying it'll get your ex back but if she's ever going to come back it has to be her decision. Nothing you do will influence that. She needs space, time and to truly experience life without you.

 

It is a win win. Either she does realise and comes back OR you find youself and get over her. It really is that simple. It will take time but it's your only option.

 

Please, please don't contact her or reply. Block all social media. It'll torture you. Read self help books. do whatever the hell you need to do to get through this! But you will get through this, as long as you fight for YOURSELF, the right things that are meant to happen in your life will happen.

 

Enjoy this time, it's going to teach you some lifelong lessons.

[Fufu]

Okay I get it I need to give her a lot of space and time. I am really doing it. But what if she start to talk? What do I do in that case? Ignore her? If yes then how I am suppose to get her back.

 

Yes I really want her back. Coz I see my fault in all this.

 

You want her back, but does she want you back? Relationship can't work without having 2 parties willingly want to make the relationship work.

[Fufu]

Hey Guys, You keep on saying that she left me for someone else. She did not leave me for someone else. She left coz I did some mistake and then she said she need time, and I could not give her space and in the end I tried to get in her email blew it all. This is the reason she left. So in this case I am the one who is guilty not her. That is why I think I should contact her.

 

You know you can go ahead and contact her and see what's her reaction (most likely she will get even pissed off with you).

 

NC doesn't mean having the relationship back (it's all about self-healing)

No one can control whether any of our exes can come back or not. (That is to leave it to fate and destiny)

 

Face the reality, she has left you. Don't stoop yourself so low and go and beg her or anything. Yes you could have made a huge mistake in the relationship ot a couple of times that screwed the entire relationship, but those mistakes don't matter anymore. If a person does want to be with you, he/she won't end the relationship EASILY.

 

Give yourself some break from all this and go and do something you like.

[SheWillComeBack]

Thanks Guys, for all the support and motivation you are giving me here. I am not going to contact her. The reason I was thinking about contacting her was because in the email I sent her I asked her if there is anyway we could start over and she contacted me on skype. But I didnt ask her on skype what are her thoughts on email. She also asked me when my fall term is ending (we were planning stuff for after fall term and we usually meet and stay together when our term ends). So I was thinking maybe I should have asked her about that. What do you think guys?

 

I also want to ask you guys why I am not able to get her out of my head even though I want to. I am a good looking and I am good financially and everything was going great in my life before this break up. I just don't know why I cannot get back to normal. I can do anything in this world. Literally. But still why I am stuck in this dead end world?

 

I go to gym push myself and still I am not able to sleep. Took sleeping pills still I was not able to sleep. My sleep is effected badly. I however feel lot better than starting days, after all the counselling and self help I have done. I was weak in starting but I was strong enough to not contact her, but as days go by I am able to hold up myself but the urge to contact her getting strong. I tell myself I can do better, but still after a while I think about that. Why is this happening?

[Chi townD]

I just don't know why I cannot get back to normal. I can do anything in this world. Literally. But still why I am stuck in this dead end world?

 

I go to gym push myself and still I am not able to sleep. Took sleeping pills still I was not able to sleep. My sleep is effected badly. I however feel lot better than starting days, after all the counselling and self help I have done. I was weak in starting but I was strong enough to not contact her, but as days go by I am able to hold up myself but the urge to contact her getting strong. I tell myself I can do better, but still after a while I think about that. Why is this happening?

 

Because you're a crackhead.

 

You're an Alcoholic, speedfreak, cokehead...At least, that how you have to look at yourself. You're Ex is like an addiction. And it's NO DIFFERENT than what a junkie goes through to get sober and clean.

 

I mean, look at what you wrote, those are the EXACT same symptoms that an addict goes through while they are with drawling. And you're looking for that one last excuse to get one last hit. One last high. Mean, you're looking for one last excuse to talk to her.

 

So, you need to do the exact same treatment that an addict has to do in order to get clean. One day at a time. Just make it through the day.