Mary3 Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Online dating service : The person described himself as average weight but when he arrived he was FAT. ( now I know we should look at the inner person here ) but my question is : If your date said they were fit or athletic and they turned out to be fat/obese how would you feel ? I know we all have wonderful inner souls but seriously what would you do Guys and Girls if that person turned out to be much larger than they listed. Would that be similar to saying : Single but they turned out being married ? ( I know not quite as severe ) And let me mention the fact that all sizes and colors and shapes are unique individuals that should not be judged soley by their appearance. MY main question relates to the fact that they misrepresented their body size. Comments ? Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Well, fat IS average these days. Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Yes, that is a very unfortunate risk of meeting someone through this method. I believe a lot of people intentionally misrepresent themselves, but I think some people just have a really warped perception of their body image. I had a male friend who met a woman online who described herself as fit, 5'4." He had no reason to believe otherwise. When they met, he found she was obese and as big as a sumo wrestler (well just about) - all squeezed into her tight spandex leggings. He was shocked and appalled and couldn't figure out how she thought of herself as fit. He felt awkward and lied to but he was polite, didn't say anything but kept their first meeting short. How overweight would you say he was? I don't consider 5-10 lbs overweight, most of us could lose that. I take it he was significantly more? You can often tell on men, in their profile pictures, if they have a double or triple chin. I've heard that women are worse at misrepresenting themselves physically than men. How you prevent this, I'm not sure. But is it overt misrepresentation? or are many people's body image perceptions distorted? I don't really know. It would make more sense that it's the latter because it seems foolish to lie if you're planning to meet the other person and they're going to see instantly that you've lied. So how did you deal with this situation? Was there chemistry there at all? Did you tell him afterwards, by email even, that you felt he hadn't been honest? If so, what did he say? Link to post Share on other sites
hurtingandconfused Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 How you prevent this, I'm not sure. Ask for specific weight (current) and height. And then ask if they work out. Link to post Share on other sites
indigo_moon Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by hurtingandconfused Ask for specific weight (current) and height. And then ask if they work out. Most online dating sites have each person indicate their height and some ask for the person to choose an appropriate weight range or body type. Of course people can and do lie. And even if you ask someone what their current weight is, and if they work out, they can still lie - knowing full well you're not going to bring scales with you on the date to verify what they told you lol. And most men wouldn't be so bold as to ask a woman their weight, and even if they were bold, how many women are going to answer this, or answer it honestly? Plus weight doesn't necessarily mean a lot. If a person is very buff and muscular, they might weigh a lot - but we know that lean muscle weighs more than fat. Conversely, a lying man might claim to work out (his idea of working out is reaching a can of beer to his lips) and explain all his "muscle" as the cause of his poundage, when in fact it's nothing but blubber. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I wouldn't be concerned with the weight. I'd be more concerned with the dishonesty. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 In MICHIGAN average = fat. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 If your date said they were fit or athletic and they turned out to be fat/obese how would you feel? Repelled. It's a dealkiller. Primarily for the obesity, but also for the detachment from reality. They just don't understand how fat they are. Single but they turned out being married? It's also a dealkiller. Here, it's a lot harder to excuse them by saying they just didn't understand how married they are. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by Mary3 Online dating service : The person described himself as average weight but when he arrived he was FAT. ( now I know we should look at the inner person here ) but my question is : If your date said they were fit or athletic and they turned out to be fat/obese how would you feel ? Feel stupid and swear never to date anybody again without asking him for his weigth and height in advance. I don´t feel attracted to people who are too overweight, but the worse thing is when they lie. I would understand it, but at the same time probably a bit irritated. He´s either really desperate and ashamed of his weight and therefore lies or his self-image is totally distorted. I´m not sure if these people really think they are average, maybe it´s the whole brainwashing that being obese is normal. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I've dated many people online and most of them have lied. Um, actually ALL of them, except for ONE. One guy I met was about thirty years older than he had promised, all the others were flat out lies too. So bad that I didn't even recognize them in the lobby of the restaurants. Oh, and one guy couldn't talk right and spit potatoe on my sweater. God, I'm so glad that's over. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by tiki I've dated many people online and most of them have lied. Um, actually ALL of them, except for ONE. One guy I met was about thirty years older than he had promised, all the others were flat out lies too. So bad that I didn't even recognize them in the lobby of the restaurants. Oh, and one guy couldn't talk right and spit potatoe on my sweater. God, I'm so glad that's over. This is sooo bad. Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by kooky This is sooo bad. And don't let me forget to mention that the LOSERS footed me with the bill. The one that told me he was a work renowned plastic surgeon (that assisted with the seperated of the twins about a year and a half ago...yeah, right) said he forgot his wallet at home and I had to pay. He was the one that was in his fifties and told me he was in his twenties. ****er. He didn't look anything like his pic....as a matter of fact, it wasn't even HIM!!!! I've seen that three times, at least. ~Note to LoveShack's online daters: PM tiki before even considering it. I'll tell you some stories!!! Don't do it!!! Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 If the guy has a good image of himself, self confidence, self esteem, self respect, is active and generally healthy, and does not see himself as fat or obese & is happy with himself---I'd say take a chance. To take a different view: If I am happy with myself, am healthy, confident, etc. and someone else looks at me and thinks I'm too fat for them- Toodles! I can do better. My perception of Fat or Obese is not the same as everyone else. Some people can look at others and see five pounds as being unhealthy / too fat. I don't. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Tiki, this is sooo awful and sooo funny I always say be careful about internet acquaintances, but I wasn´t aware that people lie that blatantly.... Link to post Share on other sites
savethedrama4allama Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by alphamale In MICHIGAN average = fat. Amen bro. Link to post Share on other sites
mr wonderful Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I met a woman online, we talked, & had a great time. She sent me pics and I sent her some. She said she had gained a little weight since the pics, no big deal to me. I even saw her on her web cam. So I felt pretty safe when she suggest that we go out. I drove about 45 mins one way to pick her up. When I got to her house, a friend of hers answered the door and said she would be out in a minute. I realized why she had only shown me the web cam from the neck up. Her face was very slim and attractive, from the neck down was where she had gained the weight she told me she had. She had gained a lot of weight. Not wanting to let it ruin the night for either of us we went out. We had a decent time she was the person I had been talking to. In person things were very weird & we talked online a few more times but that was my only online date. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I'd say about 80% of women i met lied about something major, either weight , looks, job, kids. etc... that being said some people were very honest. one woman I talked with for about a month said she was above average looking with good body. then she tells me she is member of MENSA. so i say to her "isn't MENSA a organization for like geeky nerdy types. she says back to me "oh, but I am by no means a geeky nerdy type!". anyways.... I ended up meeting her a week later at a bar and low and behold SHE WAS GEEKY NERDY AND BELOW AVG LOOKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ah ha ahhahah ahh ah ha ha ha , i guess the joke's on ME!! Link to post Share on other sites
Debster Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I met my husband through online dating. I find that yes, there are liars but there are also people who don't lie on the Internet. You can't lump everyone into one pile. As for the guy who is bigger than he said he was. Who cares? Either you liked his personality and felt chemistry - or you didn't. If you didn't then fine. If you did, does it matter if he thinks he is smaller than he is? Don't try to bash the way he feels about himself. Maybe he feels that he is average. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by tiki I've dated many people online and most of them have lied. Um, actually ALL of them, except for ONE. One guy I met was about thirty years older than he had promised, all the others were flat out lies too. So bad that I didn't even recognize them in the lobby of the restaurants. Oh, and one guy couldn't talk right and spit potatoe on my sweater. God, I'm so glad that's over. Damn! He spit potatoe on your sweater?! Uh.. CHECK PLEASE! Oh well.. sifted through the SPUDS to get to your Fiance now.. so all good! Coming right up to the Wedding day.. whoo hoo! Link to post Share on other sites
tiki Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by Merin Damn! He spit potatoe on your sweater?! Uh.. CHECK PLEASE! Oh well.. sifted through the SPUDS to get to your Fiance now.. so all good! Coming right up to the Wedding day.. whoo hoo! LMAO....yeah, he spit-a-spud. I was like, uh, you just spit a huge chunk of tater onto my sweater. I literally had to move my plate away from him b/c I was afraid he was spitting on my food. It was horrible. He had some serious problems with speech, I couldn't understand what he was saying. I kept asking "huh?"....and finally I just nodded to everything he said. No telling what I agreed to. I thought of running out of the restaurant as I 'went to the bathroom' but couldn't figure out a way to 'need my coat' to take to the bathroom. Yeah, and his picture was blurry too. Never trust a blurred picture. Make em get a new, clear, recent one. I met my fiance through a mutual friend and it was just a matter of time before we were hitting it off. We had known of one another for a year or so. I lurve him. ...and he doesn't spit potatoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Originally posted by tiki LMAO....yeah, he spit-a-spud. I was like, uh, you just spit a huge chunk of tater onto my sweater. I literally had to move my plate away from him b/c I was afraid he was spitting on my food. It was horrible. He had some serious problems with speech, I couldn't understand what he was saying. I kept asking "huh?"....and finally I just nodded to everything he said. No telling what I agreed to. I thought of running out of the restaurant as I 'went to the bathroom' but couldn't figure out a way to 'need my coat' to take to the bathroom. Yeah, and his picture was blurry too. Never trust a blurred picture. Make em get a new, clear, recent one. I met my fiance through a mutual friend and it was just a matter of time before we were hitting it off. We had known of one another for a year or so. I lurve him. ...and he doesn't spit potatoes. When you need protective gear on your first date.. this can't be a good thing Damn, next time I'm having spuds I'm so going to be thinking about that now.. LOL Ugh! Yay and huge bonus for your Fiance'.. not a spud spitter Aaagghh Mondays! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 Well one date said he weighed 220 lbs but was well over 300 lbs. It was shocking! How did I react ? Like a lady and went through the entire date. But the fact that he was so shockingly larger than the picture ( a weight gain of 80 more pounds than he admitted to ) ..... I should say that I dont mind the weight of 10 or 20 lbs over or even 30 lbs more than recommended weight charts...but just would appreciate the truth. But I guess the online add might go something like this : Wanted : " I am 260 lb. obese male 5 foot 9 inches . Looking for a stunning petite female size 5 " . ( lol ) I seriously doubt anyone is going to be that honest. I have seen honest ads though of larger men and women who put there real weights and heights on there. " I think that being honest might not get them as many dates. But there are men and women out there that prefer BBW ( I think that means big beautiful women ) I stress that there are large male and females who look great and take care of themselves but at least just be honest with the prospective date so that person can decide if they would go out with someone who is LARGE. Or married . Or of another race. Or....you know ...the TRUTH Meaning I have heard it all....had wives call me...It got to the point where I just stopped. Some real scarey stories too....But I think realistically they say we will probrobly meet someone special within 3 miles of our home....in a natural setting. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted December 7, 2004 Share Posted December 7, 2004 Ask for specific weight (current) and height. And then ask if they work out. You can't really tell by height and weight. I was once a weight I considered 'way too much but I'm tall and I was still within the guidelines for my height. My last ex was a big guy. He told me he was 5' 8" and 180 lbs and I thought "blob" to myself. However his upper body was built very powerfully - and he wasn't a bodybuilder! - and he was all packed muscle. He put on 30 lbs and he still didn't look fat! He was one of those lucky guys who hardly had to do any exercise to be muscular. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mary3 Posted December 7, 2004 Author Share Posted December 7, 2004 I am very attracted to stocky muscular guys just like you said....they have alot of muscle and dont even work out ! HOT !!! Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted December 8, 2004 Share Posted December 8, 2004 I've done the online dating thing quite a bit and I've found the numbers go both ways. I've met very few women who pretty clearly lied about their appearance (notably, one who said "average" and was significantly bigger than that). I've also found that photos can be deceptive, even when it comes to something as basic as a face. I've been on dates with women who appeared reasonably attractive in their photos and who were drop-dead gorgeous in person. By contrast, I went on one date in which I met the woman and initially thought that reality hadn't quite reached my expectation based on her photo, but she turned out to be a fascinating person. There was amazing chemistry between us and we ended up having a great time together. So, in my experience, it's all over the map. You might be disappointed or be pleasantly surprised. Much like life, in fact. Link to post Share on other sites
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