Why can't I let go?

[OC Surfer]

Hey everybody...I could really use some good advice regarding this heartbreaking topic. So...here it goes.

I have a friend (whom I have known for about 8 years) and since starting college a few years back, we have become incredibly close. She considers me her best friend...and I pretty much refer to her as my best "girl" friend. Well...as it is common, I have fallen totally in love with her over these few years and finally worked up enough guts to tell her how I feel. Needless to say, the feelings were not mutual and I am having one hell of a time moving on from this point. She still wants to be best friends, but, to be honest, I don't really think I can handle that. She has often talked about the numerous other guys that she hangs out with at parties and the current guy she is "talking" to. Each word from her mouth regarding another guy just pushes the knife deeper and deeper into my heart. So...where do I go from here?

I realize that there is no romantic future in our relationship, yet I just can not let go. There is always this light of hope in the back of my mind. It scares me because I see myself becoming obsessed about it. Do I just remove myself from the situation...and tell her we need to move on and not be so close anymore? Do I just continue ignoring my feelings and learn to deal with the constant pain? At times it seems that this girl is pretty much blind to the pain she causes me...but I don't see how she can not realize it. I do not want to hurt her in anyway...but at the same time, I need to do what is best for myself.

Honestly...I am at my wits end with this whole situation. If anyone can offer advice in this incredibly screwed up situation...it would be greatly appreciated!

[igotsomejc4u]

hey,

 

I went through this same exact situationa few times. I had a best girlfriend, and I took her to another state for her birthday to a music festival. I really had feelings for her. Well last minuite she says that a friend wanted to go to the fest and talked me into bringing him. Well long story short, they hooked up, I acted pretty mean towards her from then on. It really bugged me, and when we got back we had to just not talk for a while. Well, needless to say after time, I was able to move on, and now we still keep in touch. It isn't akward or anything, and she is such a great person to have in my life.

 

The kind of relationships where people mutually fall in love just seem to happen naturally. Remember that. you may serve a purpose in her life in a completely different way.

[moon]

That seems sort of strange. Why do you think this girl doesn't find you attractive? Humm....I've had a few close guy friends that I haven't been attracted to. But if they came out and told me that they did I would maybe just give it a chance for their sake. I mean I wouldn't say it was really going to happen or not.....but I wouldn't just say no.

 

I mean if I made the person my "best friend" I would of course like talking to them. It is DEFINATELY possible to be best friends or close friends with a guy with out being attracted, but to totally write it off that easily and then wanting to remain close sounds sort of strange.

 

You don't want to get too hooked on this girl though.

This might be a total long shot.....but maybe think about who your friend is attracted to. Think about what she likes in them and compare yourself a bit. She sounds basically single, though. This might sound totally superficial......but I might spruce up your appearance a bit. Get some new clothes, get a good hair cut, maybe a tan.....silly, I know. But many girls dream of falling in love with their best friend. To totally write off your feelings in a minute means she is either a). lying b). very serious that she's not attracted to you in the slightest. If it's b.....then try your best to bring her around...to attract her basically.

 

If that doesn't work then GIVE UP. Maybe play a little hard to get too. But if she doesn't bite, then so be it.

[OC Surfer]

Thanx so much for the advice ya'll have given so far. The more I think about it, the more I have come to realize that it may be best to just back off and do my own thing for a while. I love spending time with her, yet that time is doing nothing for me...in regards to letting go and moving on.

 

Today, we were supposed to meet for lunch. 12:30 came and went and she never showed up. Call me crazy...but I took this as a sign that maybe it is truly time for me to get my ass out of the entire situation. I saw her on campus later today and it seemed as though she was trying to ignore me. Then, out of the blue she comes up to me and wants to be buddy - buddy again, asking me to make plans to eat dinner with her tomorrow (with no real excuse about missing today). I have to admit...girls are soo confusing. At times I wonder why I am even interested in her. She is soo unpredictable.

 

So...I have decided my plan of action. It kind of sucks that this is all going down at this time of year. I would hate to mess up her holiday and all...plus I already bought her a Christmas present...so...sometime soon, I just want to pull her aside and let her know that the strain in our relationship is too much for me to handle right now. I honestly feel that some time apart will do us some good. I want to give her the chance to move on in to a relationship ( as she is on the verge of entering one at this moment) without having to worry about hurting my feelings. And, at the same time, I want to give myself time to heal and move on...and hopefully be able to be a friend to her later on down the road...