Compliments are bad?

[jlola]

I had lived in NYC for awhile and had to use mace twice. There are really obnoxious men who say disgusting things to women and have heard them all. I used to hate passing by a group of men and hear every vile thing under the sun. I have had a cab driver drive take me to to an obscure location and had to fight and threaten him. I have been molested by a trusted family doctor as a teen, I have had male teachers try to be inappropriate. I and many women can list so many more things that are vile and disrespectful.

 

BUT .....a man passing by and saying"looking good" brings a smile. It is not an insult, a disrespect ,agressive act or anything of the sort. Why is it different than a woman giving a compliment?

 

I have had women strange give me a compliment. I go to a coffee shop and a woman recently came up to me and said, "I always see you. you have such a nice body and always look great". It made my day! It also made my day to have a young teen girl I passing down the block, turned to me and said "I love your hair".

 

Compliments are great! Jim, you did nothing wrong. Society has to stop being so touchy and reading into everything.

 

BTW, I have given men compliments too. The ones who take it graciously are great. But then you get the ones who think it is a come on because they think no woman can resist them. Those types are just weird.

[xxoo]

Again "looking good" is checking you out?

 

Now I can see how "great body" even though it may well be a compliment can be seen as insensitive and bordering on salacious but I guess I just can't get my head around "looking good" as in any way sexual or demeaning.

 

Well as Mum always said, "if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all" - i guess the corollary is if "you can't say something that can be in anyway interpreted as anything other than nice..."

 

I'll admit, it is your body of posting that leads me to believe it came across as if you were checking her out.

 

Were you not?

[HoneyBadgerDontCare]

Really? Why?

 

Are we so suspicious of one another these days that a compliment is seen as character assassination?

 

I happened to be in a really good mood - the book I was waiting for ages was at the library, and funnily enough someone had just complimented me on how well behaved my dog was!! (she sits outside sans leash) - I guess I should have punched them in the face!

 

Don't sweat it, man. She is the problem, not you.

 

Next time you see her, tell her she looks like sh*t.

[farva2]

If you're also running (not chasing them as they run away that is) then that comment can be chalked up to nothing more then harmless runner camaraderie and respect for the hobby. If you're just out trimming the trees or walking old milky eyed waldo however then yea, it's a bit creepy.

[crederer]

Yah man, people are sensitive about stuff.

 

One time I was at a house party waiting for the bathroom forever, two girls come out of this tiny little bathroom and I blurted out, "jesus, two of you in there, eh?" just as an outloud observation, suggesting that's why it took em so damn long to let a guy get in there to take a piss. The one girl goes "psh you wish buddy!" basically implying I was trying to have a threesome with them or something? I don't even really know what she was getting at but I know she seemed to take it as a sexual reference.

[jimloveslips]

I'll admit, it is your body of posting that leads me to believe it came across as if you were checking her out.

 

Were you not?

 

Genuinely not.

 

If I was in anyway salacious I'm sure it would have come across in my tone, and THEN I could fully appreciate her response.

 

Seriously I wouldn't be bothering to write here and reply it I thought I was the bad guy here. I've been a dick before, but I always KNOW when I'm being a dick. It's when I'm being a regular human being, and being mistaken for a dick, I get upset.

 

It's a learning experience.

 

Unfortunately all those young ladies running around in tight pants or short shorts won't be getting any praise from me... well, verbally.

[Tayla]

jimlove, as a lady and fellow advocate for compliments its unfortunate that your general compliment was so misconstrued. Maintain valor and consistency its not out of vogue or politically incorrect to express yourself in a non confrontational way. A compliment is simply a positive acknoweldgement. No more, no less. Too bad folks are so guarded ....or think the worse. Its on them ....

[Mr Scorpio]

So in this thread a guy who tosses out a random compliment is creepy. In the dating/sexuality forums, a guy who doesn't give compliments to strangers is some variation of a shut-in, introvert, "nice guy", doormat. So which is it? Both? Neither?

[TintedChrome]

Jim, you did absolutely the right thing. 100%.

[HorseLuck]

Who knows, maybe she went home considered your response and acknowledged that she was a bit defensive and misinterpreted the motive behind it. Or, every time she runs into you now she will exhibit icy facial expressions.

 

I see both sides to this coin. I'm surprised she even responded..I would've kept on running. Then again I live a in big city where there's plenty of commentary to go around. You caught her off guard and it can be hard to decipher a statement of that sort.

 

If I told a guy he had a nice a__ while running, what would his response be? Lol, genuinely curious. Male cat calls.

Edited October 30, 2013 by HorseLuck

[mea_M]

Since she did not know you, she probably got a bit freaked out. I would have. And only because to me a stranger saying that, would be to strange. If it was someone I knew, I'd have said thank you. You might want to re think you're approach here. Good luck.

 

Mea:)

[stillafool]

jimlove, as a lady and fellow advocate for compliments its unfortunate that your general compliment was so misconstrued. Maintain valor and consistency its not out of vogue or politically incorrect to express yourself in a non confrontational way. A compliment is simply a positive acknoweldgement. No more, no less. Too bad folks are so guarded ....or think the worse. Its on them ....

 

I agree. One day men will stop complimenting women period because they are afraid it will be misunderstood. I guess it will be better for them when that happens.

[jimloveslips]

If I told a guy he had a nice a__ while running, what would his response be? Lol, genuinely curious. Male cat calls.

 

When you find a guy that gets upset by a woman complimenting ANY part of him - stranger or friend - please let me know who he is - I'd like to know his name.

[jimloveslips]

Appreciate all the posts.

 

x

Jim

[Woggle]

I see both sides but this my friends is why men are afraid to approach women these days and I know many posters here complain that men are too wimpy to do that these days.

[Grumpybutfun]

In regular running vernacular, "looking good" means good form when running...as in stride, level of endurance, getting out there for your health. How this woman took it as sexual innuendo is a mystery to me. The outrage by females here is a mystery to me. Obviously the woman was not an avid runner and didn't understand the "atta girl" as it was intended. My wife said she understood your implication as she is an avid runner, but there are those who are very sensitive and repulsed by any kind of male attention, not here in the south, but other places due to hyper sexed media and cultural sexism.

Good luck with your running,

Grumps

[KatZee]

I'm a woman and honestly your comment didn't come off "creepy" to me at all. I guess I can see how some would be "offended" or find it weird, but I personally don't.

 

Guys who I find offensive are the one's who cat call me when they are driving in their car. The one's who whistle at me, or look at me like I'm a piece of meat.

 

I work out and I like knowing I'm getting results from said working out. One morning I had gone on a run and was dripping head to toe sweat, and after the run I had to stop by my car to pick up some stuff that was in the trunk. I wound up throwing a 30 pound pumpkin up on one shoulder to bring up to my apartment and as I'm walking a guy stops and is like "whoa! strong lady! That's amazing!"

 

And I smiled the biggest smile, sweat and bad hair and all, and said, "haha! thanks!"

 

Unless you were like literally drooling, eyeballing her boobs, or acting otherwise like a caveman, I don't see the issue. And based on your responses, I don't think you were behaving like that, so I still don't see the issue.

[thefooloftheyear]

There is an obvious double standard...

 

Women can say ANYTHING to a man and if a guy says anything hed be called a fag..

 

I do some cardio in the heat and took my shirt off, because I was dripping....a younger girl slowed her car down and said "hey dude!" I looked over and she snapped my picture with her phone, smiled at me and took off....Now, I dont know if she posted it on FB, twitter, or whatever she did with it...Can you imagine if I did that to a woman? The cops would come to my house and kick my door down, seize my property and..Id probably have to register as a sex offender...If I went to the cops with this story, theyd laugh at me and tell me to man up..

 

Take a look at this video...Can you believe what would happen if the host was male and the contestant was a female?

 

 

 

 

Bottom line?...It is what it is, guys....Live with it...

 

TFY

[reflex]

The only 'creep' I see (or simply jerk) is the person who reacts in such an aggressive way. Or should I say paranoid?

 

Now I think about it. I know people who get angry reading the news and other media. They are people to whom negativity affects them particularly. For some reason anger becomes their outlet to any stress in their lives. So perhaps she was a case of angry person. Another option is maybe what I've read here about sexism.

 

Anyway, I digress. I guess you have to chose to ignore her reaction or be safe and stop complimenting. Do this only if you are finding yourself in trouble repeatedly. This path can be hard for you if breaking the habit is against a very kind, efusive type of personality. In that case, also avoid other gestures, especially gifts with the slightest monetary value. Just my 2 cts.