I Don't Understand...

[thelastjukeboxromeo]

Thanks for taking the time to read this long-ass post. It means a lot The reason why it's long is that I wanted to include a lot of detail for you guys. Please bear with me.

 

Three weeks ago, on the first day of the semester, I walked into a lecture and saw this beautiful girl. So I sat next to her, flirted with her, and got her number. A couple days later she asked me to study with her, and instead I took her on a spontaneous outing. During the whole time we were flirting heavily and she was giving me ALL the signs of interest.

 

However, after a couple of hours, while we were talking about a community college in my hometown, she briefly says that her boyfriend goes there. I was taken aback, but I didn't show it and continued on as if I never heard her because I decided I wasn't going to let that comment ruin my day. She then later hints that she's been thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend. She didn't say it explicitly. We were talking about breakups and she got this very far away look in her eyes while mentioning that it's hard breaking up with people because you don't want to hurt them, even though you know it's for the best. I was fairly sure she was drawing on her current relationship, which is the only one she's ever had. (When I later confronted her, I mentioned this and she was very quiet. She didn't deny it, and I think if her relationship was great she would've defended it).

 

She continued flirting with me and giving me indicators of interest, such as deep eye contact, putting her arm around my shoulder, and letting me put my arm around her waist while we walked. She admitted that she's never been around a guy like me, saying that I was confident, straightforward, and smooth, and that she finds it very "...interesting." She also said that it was "weird" because she's only known me for a couple of days and she's already hanging out with me alone and letting me put my arm around her. At the end of the night, I walked her home, looked into her eyes, and wished her a good night. I didn't kiss her because of the boyfriend.

 

She immediately texts me after I leave, saying that she had a great time. Throughout the next two weeks she continued flirting with me in class. She never mentioned the long-distance boyfriend again until last Thursday. I took her to this place with an amazing view and we watched the sun set. The whole time we were again flirting and she stayed very close to me, to the point of us bumping into each other when we walked around.

 

We then ate dinner, and she mentioned her boyfriend again randomly, saying "What would you do if one day I came up to you crying b/c my boyfriend broke up with me?" I looked her in the eye and told her that I'd say, "Chin up, now you can be with me." She laughed and gave me the same look she always gave me when I said something like that, a look that seemed to say she was impressed by my confidence. While I was walking her back home, she again told me that I was the bluntest person she knew, and that most guys didn't know how to be blunt in a good way with girls.

 

When we got to her house I pulled her aside and I told her that I thought it was obvious that we were both into each other, but that she had a boyfriend and I had to respect that. I then told her to give me a call when she's single. Her first response was that a lot of times two people meet each other at the wrong time. One person is in a relationship. One person is single. I asked her if she was trying to drop a hint, and she said no, which did not make sense to me. She said she didn't know I was into her, which I called her out on. She eventually said that she wasn't completely sure that I was into her, and that she gave me the benefit of the doubt.

 

She asked me why I thought it was obvious she was into me, and I told her. She started tearing up, and she said she was sorry, and that she is very oblivious to these things. She asked if I was bitter, and I told her I wasn't, and I was just disappointed because our personalities mesh so well. She told me that this felt like a breakup, and she was afraid that this would be the last time she saw me, and I told her that I didn't know whether I wanted to be friends with her or not. I told her that I wanted her, but she has a boyfriend and I don't want to be just her friend. She tried hard to convince me to stay in her life, and when I asked why, she told me that I was unique, that when she first met me I made her feel comfortable around me, and that she could be herself. During this whole time she was teary. I told her that I'd think about it, and I left.

 

I don't understand. Can a girl be this unaware? I told several times outright that I was into her, and she complimented me on my straightforwardness. She even asked me once why I went up to her, and I told her that I thought she was cute, and I just had to meet her. I didn't misread her either. She gave me all the indicators of interest. Can a girl be unaware when she's flirting with someone and touching them? I don't think so.

 

Another thing is she never acted like she had a boyfriend apart from verbalizing it two times. When I put my arm around her waist, the first thing she said was "Jason! We barely know each other!" But after she was saying that she put her arm around my shoulder. Why would that be the first thing she says? If she wasn't attracted to me, why wouldn't it be "I have a boyfriend." ? She's been with her boyfriend for three years, and he goes to community college an hour away. I don't think they see each other that often, and she doesn't really make an effort to.

 

My friends feel like she was attracted to me, but she's denying it so she won't feel guilty about liking me while she has a boyfriend. I don't know what to think, and she didn't seem to want to admit anything about me or her boyfriend. It sucks because this is the first girl in a long time that I feel like I could be with. And finally, why was she so emotional?

 

I still haven't told her what I want to do in this situation. What do you guys think I should do? I see this girl three times a week in class, and I'm not going to ignore her. She's an awesome person, but I feel like it's disrespecting myself to be just friends with her because if she ever is single in the future, I still want to ask her out, and I don't want to be friendzoned. In the meantime, I'm keeping my options open and approaching new girls, but how do I find a balance with this one so I can still ask her out in the future? Is it possible to be friends with her and still have the option to date her later?

 

I know people are going to tell me that this girl isn't relationship material, but I don't believe that. I'd explain, but it'd just make this even longer.

 

If you've gotten to this point, I just want to tell you that it means a great deal to me that you care about my situation and that you're willing to help

 

Forever grateful,

Jason

Edited October 13, 2013 by thelastjukeboxromeo

[thecharade]

To be honest, you guys are so young and you most likely have so many options, why invite her drama into your life? She sounds weak, as if she feels unable to sit in her own driver's seat. That is my MM's personality, and I can't recommend getting involved with someone like that. It's frustrating to interact with someone who sits passively while their own life goes by! And all the while, they play the victim and feel sorry for themselves. It's unhealthy. Let her go. You'll be much better off.

 

Best wishes.

[whichwayisup]

She allowed herself to get caught up in her emotions and isn't thinking of what will happen next. She isn't looking to cheat, to break up with her boyfriend, but she is enjoying the attention and how you make her feel. This is selfish but she isn't being malicious, nor is she thinking of how it is affecting you. I don't think she realized how emotionally attached she's let herself feel towards you..

 

Anyway, the bottom line is, she has a boyfriend and she's acting inappropriately with you, and now you know she has a boyfriend, you need to stop flirting with her and back off a bit too. Can still be friends but not like before. It's pointless and asking for trouble if you two continue on as things were.

[Speakingofwhich]

She's immature and self absorbed. Not good relationship material.

[2sunny]

She allowed herself to get caught up in her emotions and isn't thinking of what will happen next. She isn't looking to cheat, to break up with her boyfriend, but she is enjoying the attention and how you make her feel. This is selfish but she isn't being malicious, nor is she thinking of how it is affecting you. I don't think she realized how emotionally attached she's let herself feel towards you..

 

Anyway, the bottom line is, she has a boyfriend and she's acting inappropriately with you, and now you know she has a boyfriend, you need to stop flirting with her and back off a bit too. Can still be friends but not like before. It's pointless and asking for trouble if you two continue on as things were.

 

This^^^

 

And when you are her bf would you like it if she was so oblivious and flirting with other guys just to get attention?

 

I doubt you'd appreciate the way she acts then.

 

Don't even date her when she becomes available. She doesn't know what a boundary is.

[Hopelessromantic25]

Yeah man I've been there. It was work for me. Same thing happened, a lot of attention and compliments about how much we enjoyed each other's company.

 

my opinion from my experience is, the feelings are true but are they worth possibly getting hurt in the end. I acted on it for 2 1/2 years and I also sacrificed a lot of myself during the situation. Don't get me wrong dude, we fell in love but it was a bad hand from jump street, we both got hurt when it ended.

 

I say if you go for it, manage your expectations as best you could. If you don't then you just saved yourself from worrying about something that could also happen to you. if you guys were meant to date then just let it be for now...

[thelastjukeboxromeo]

I want to say how much I appreciate your quick responses.

 

She really doesn't seem like a emotionally needy person, so I still don't really get why she wants the attention. But it doesn't matter. I've accepted that I can't be with her now, but I'd still like to keep the door open with her. I've noticed that many girls, when they feel like the relationship is ending, start to be more flirty with other men. The whole "monkey won't let go of one branch until it grabs onto another one" thing. I don't think she would act like this if she wasn't in a long distance kind of relationship, and I have no plans ever being in a long distance relationship, so I'm not worried.

 

I won't put my whole heart into her, but again, I'd still like to see what could happen, and I accept complete responsibility for what could happen to me emotionally.

 

What makes you guys think she won't break up with her boyfriend? Her relationship, at least from my point of view, is almost non-existent. She can't possibly be happy, and she never defended her relationship when I said it felt like it wasn't going where she wanted.

 

So what do you think guys? I've made up my mind to keep my options open with her. So what should I do? Be friends with her?

 

Thanks

[hollyhillcourt]

I want to say how much I appreciate your quick responses.

 

She really doesn't seem like a emotionally needy person, so I still don't really get why she wants the attention. But it doesn't matter. I've accepted that I can't be with her now, but I'd still like to keep the door open with her. I've noticed that many girls, when they feel like the relationship is ending, start to be more flirty with other men. The whole "monkey won't let go of one branch until it grabs onto another one" thing. I don't think she would act like this if she wasn't in a long distance kind of relationship, and I have no plans ever being in a long distance relationship, so I'm not worried.

 

I won't put my whole heart into her, but again, I'd still like to see what could happen, and I accept complete responsibility for what could happen to me emotionally.

 

What makes you guys think she won't break up with her boyfriend? Her relationship, at least from my point of view, is almost non-existent. She can't possibly be happy, and she never defended her relationship when I said it felt like it wasn't going where she wanted.

 

So what do you think guys? I've made up my mind to keep my options open with her. So what should I do? Be friends with her?

 

Thanks

 

You two are so young, I have to think all the way back to 1990.

 

She isn't damaged and you do come across as confident. All women like confident, not arrogant, men.

 

You need to stick her in the 'friend zone' and be vigilant about what she is saying and doing. And for god sake, don't do anything stupid by trying to show off other girls.

 

Ah, to be young again...

[2sunny]

I want to say how much I appreciate your quick responses.

 

She really doesn't seem like a emotionally needy person, so I still don't really get why she wants the attention. But it doesn't matter. I've accepted that I can't be with her now, but I'd still like to keep the door open with her. I've noticed that many girls, when they feel like the relationship is ending, start to be more flirty with other men. The whole "monkey won't let go of one branch until it grabs onto another one" thing. I don't think she would act like this if she wasn't in a long distance kind of relationship, and I have no plans ever being in a long distance relationship, so I'm not worried.

 

I won't put my whole heart into her, but again, I'd still like to see what could happen, and I accept complete responsibility for what could happen to me emotionally.

 

What makes you guys think she won't break up with her boyfriend? Her relationship, at least from my point of view, is almost non-existent. She can't possibly be happy, and she never defended her relationship when I said it felt like it wasn't going where she wanted.

 

So what do you think guys? I've made up my mind to keep my options open with her. So what should I do? Be friends with her?

 

Thanks

 

If she stops dating him and dates you - expect her to show other guys interest - just like she did you.

 

She's not honest. You want to date someone with that lack of character?