YesyesYes Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I was a serial cheater in an awful marriage to a man who didn't believe in compromise, displaying love and affection, consistent sex, or divorce (for many years). I was always as honest as I could be about my needs and the necessary steps taken to fulfill them. Thing is, now that my marriage is almost finished, I no longer want to cheat as it has lost its appeal. Unfortunately, I am noticing the married guys in my group of FWBs are becoming clingy -- as if my singleness will mean more freedom for us. (They don't know about each other.) For me affairs were my stopover at the strip-club some men make before heading home in the evenings so they can make it with their wives. It was a way to help me stay in my marriage. My maintenance contract. I once told a single guy if he wanted me to leave my marriage, which he begged me to do but I was NEVER going to do for him or anybody else, he should stop having sex with me. (Single APs are the worse by the way and I kept them to a minimum.) There is no way I would consider any of the guys who cheated with me for a serious relationship. What I know to be true and have seen time and again is if they cheated with you, they will cheat on you. One of my guys cheated with a woman who left her husband for him -- they married and he can't stop cheating on her. Although he's never said it, I think a part of him does it because he doesn't trust her and it's his way of being even just in case... Anyway, how do I get these OMs to back off without being too hurtful? If I want a real relationship it will not be with a known cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
threelaurels Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 How many OM do you have? Do you want to continue being FWB with them after your M ends? I would just be honest and tell them you are not looking for a relationship after your M ends. You should take a while to be single, enjoy life without commitment, and evaluate yourself. If a particular OM is too attached, I would just end the FWB relationship with them. They will keep holding on to the hope that something more will happen as long as the sex continues. Link to post Share on other sites
DropCity Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 ...I once told a single guy if he wanted me to leave my marriage, which he begged me to do but I was NEVER going to do for him or anybody else, he should stop having sex with me. (Single APs are the worse by the way and I kept them to a minimum.) ... Well, any *smart Single AP picked* would not attempt to convince you to leave a marriage for them. Because... ...What I know to be true and have seen time and again is if they cheated with you, they will cheat on you. ... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 You are not the first WS I have heard say this. That cheating with an AP was okay, but have them full time....no f'ing way. Too many character flaws, even if it seems hypocritical. They were only serving a role for the WS. One role and one role only. For men, its that they don't want "a certain type" of woman as their wife as their wife gives them status, and they don't want someone that they felt other men would view as "easy", they want a wife that is respected in her own right. For women, they feel as they could never trust the AP. They are not interested in keeping the AP's interest 24-7, so he won't cheat on them. You can change your phone number, email or anyway that they contacted you. If they do get in touch, say "sorry, I am not interested, please delete my number." Link to post Share on other sites
bentleychic Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 There is no way I would consider any of the guys who cheated with me for a serious relationship. What I know to be true and have seen time and again is if they cheated with you, they will cheat on you. Wow. Hypocritical much? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Dreamworld Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 Anyone else questioning the reality of this? A woman that is cheating with, well I guess a dozen men, and considers it like a trip to a strip club. For years she wouldn't divorce and now she's fine with it, and she needs to know how to get rid of the losers she was fine sleeping with all this time? It seems very off. Actually I knew a person who was almost identical to the OP. Was in a very unhappy marriage ( or so she said) where the worst factor was their differences in libido. She was the highly sexed one. Cheated with maybe 6, 7 different married guys at a time. And only with married guys because she said they never asked for commitment like the single ones did and she liked that arrangement just fine. If the married man started getting all boy friend-y she dropped them like hot coals. She also said it was to keep her marriage. She was an enigma to me because you know people always usually hear about men needing more sex, men having more OW's, men not getting emotionally attached? This was a beautiful and charming female equivalent who did all this stuff. She truly enjoyed the casual fwb and never got attached like how women usually do. She honestly knew how to compartmentalize. She also ended up divorcing eventually and the divorce completely changed her. She said she had become someone she didn't like and didn't want to cheat anymore. Just like that she just stopped. No joke. I don't know why she was able to tell me all this but I was in an affair at the time so maybe she thought I would understand...anyway I am not in touch with her right now but the last I heard she got re-married and they are apparently very happy. And she attends church with him. Imagine that. I don't know the answer either seethingandsmiling, but apparently these women do exist. I am curious too. To answer your ques, OP. Maybe you should just what this friend did. Go completely NC. Change emails, numbers, friends. Without even a glance back. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 I was a serial cheater in an awful marriage to a man who didn't believe in compromise, displaying love and affection, consistent sex, or divorce (for many years). I was always as honest as I could be about my needs and the necessary steps taken to fulfill them. Thing is, now that my marriage is almost finished, I no longer want to cheat as it has lost its appeal. Unfortunately, I am noticing the married guys in my group of FWBs are becoming clingy -- as if my singleness will mean more freedom for us. (They don't know about each other.) For me affairs were my stopover at the strip-club some men make before heading home in the evenings so they can make it with their wives. It was a way to help me stay in my marriage. My maintenance contract. I once told a single guy if he wanted me to leave my marriage, which he begged me to do but I was NEVER going to do for him or anybody else, he should stop having sex with me. (Single APs are the worse by the way and I kept them to a minimum.) There is no way I would consider any of the guys who cheated with me for a serious relationship. What I know to be true and have seen time and again is if they cheated with you, they will cheat on you. One of my guys cheated with a woman who left her husband for him -- they married and he can't stop cheating on her. Although he's never said it, I think a part of him does it because he doesn't trust her and it's his way of being even just in case... Anyway, how do I get these OMs to back off without being too hurtful? If I want a real relationship it will not be with a known cheater. Have you ever heard of telling a man NO? If they are clingy and you don't like it - tell them not to contact you - they are M after all! And please get professional help for the variety of issues you've obtained through the years. Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted October 13, 2013 Share Posted October 13, 2013 If I want a real relationship it will not be with a known cheater. and what makes you think they'd want a relationship with a serial cheater like yourself. Pot calling kettle..... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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