I feel "incapable" because of my mom...

[Astar]

The title is a little accusatory(?) but I didn't find anpther way to say it. I'm new here. I was lookinf for for a forum where I could post about this problem I've always had and I found this. I didn't know if posting here in here or in relationships but I think the root of everything is the relatipnship with my mom so I'm going to do it here.

 

I'm from Mexico, I'm 26 years old, I've lived on my own for one year. (I moved to another city because of my job). But, I've had this problem that doesn't let me feel satisfied in one area of my life. I've never had a boyfriend. I have no issues with my physical appearance or anything. I'm not a top model but I feel comfortable with myself. The problem is I feel incapable of sustaining a relationship. I'll try to say it in the less childish way possible I can. I feel I could never mantain a relatipnship with anyone because I won't be good enough for him. Because my behavor will be stupid, because I won't know how to be or what to do, because I am too insignificant for a big big thing like that. I feel my mom would see me and she would feel sorry for me because I'm expusing myself, because I'm in a situation not appropiated for me, and that's sad.

 

I'll try to give an example, if you are a child and have no legs and the you get very happy because you were told tomorrow you will get a pair of legs and you are so happy. How would other people feel? Sad, sorry for me. Well, to that, add a portion of mocking for being so naive and that's the way I feel people will react when I say I have a boyfriend. (I'm sorry for the example, I just couldn't think of anything else).

 

 

When I was a child, she used to tell me things like: "you are crazy, don't be ridiculous" when I said I liked a boy or that I was going to have a boyfriend. Then, in middle school I was offficialy forbidden to have one and the same way in high school and university. And the feeling was the same, everytime I saw my friends with boyfriends and I imagined myself, I felt like: don't be stupid, you can't.

 

And now I don't know how to remove that feeling. I know that it shouodn't be that way, but I can't help feeling like this. I don't know how to change it, maybe I didn't explain myself but well, thank you for reading.

[MercuryMorrison1]

So basically you feel as though you are not worthy of a boyfriend because your mother has made you feel as such when you were growing up? Correct me if I am wrong on this.

 

Unfortunately I don't have much experience here so its hard for me to relate, both of my parents were very supportive of my endeavors growing up, so its hard for me to fathom what it must be like to have parents that make feel like you aren't worth having something.

 

I think the best thing you can do is just take a good hard look inside yourself and realize that regardless of what your mother said to you as a child, you're now a 26 year old woman who can make her own choice's in life.

[Astar]

I think the best thing you can do is just take a good hard look inside yourself and realize that regardless of what your mother said to you as a child, you're now a 26 year old woman who can make her own choice's in life.

 

Hello, thank you for commenting. And that's what I try, but you know, it's not as easy as it seems. Every decision I make is followed by a feeling of guiltiness or to feel I'm doing something wrong. I know it's not, but I can't help feeling that way. I guess I should keep looking and I hope to get better.

[wavejumper]

perhaps by building new, healthy relationships outside of your family you can begin to build a new awareness of yourself. it sounds like you grew up in an invalidating environment and will have to work on growing your self esteem and self love. this will come about through you creating the life you want and validating and loving yourself. this in itself will often attract a mate who matches you. make new friends, have fun, enjoy your life and freedom!

[Astar]

perhaps by building new, healthy relationships outside of your family you can begin to build a new awareness of yourself. it sounds like you grew up in an invalidating environment and will have to work on growing your self esteem and self love. this will come about through you creating the life you want and validating and loving yourself. this in itself will often attract a mate who matches you. make new friends, have fun, enjoy your life and freedom!

 

You are right. I'm trying to stay away from all of that and them, especially mom. I'm trying to learn more thiings about myself so I can know who exactly I am and what I think about myself. I've improved a lot. But this topic has been one of the most difficult things. So, I'll keep looking for answers. Thank you.