hugznkisses21 Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 My and my bf are in love...i am 22 he is 24...we live about 1 hour apart so with work and family stuff we see eachother on weekends and maybe once a week depending on his work load. I have always been very very scared of being cheated on....haing gone throught the pain before and looking like a loser because i had trusted him and he played me right before my eyes I am afraid to go thorugh that same pain and embarassment again. Me and my bf have been together a year and a half....he buys me things, supports me when i need it, hugs, kisses, says he loves me and tries his best to be there. I have always noticed in our realtionship that we sometimes butt heads....i sometimes need him around more (being a woman) then he needs me (would rather hang with guys or lay on the couch watching t.v)....none the less he loves me. I find myself being overcome by horror stories, tv, movies of people who appear to be in love, whose bf have been terrific to them, loved them supported them, only to be screwing someone else when they arent around...and it scaed me to death. I trsut him to some degree and really want to trust him but the trusthi is is I have a hard time trusting anyone because I have been hurt many times in my life. On one hand I feel terrible about this and putting him through this on the other hand im thinking what it is true. The only things I can think of that would make me feel insecure about this are stupid......like one night we went out and partyed and he said he couldnt stay the night with me (we were at a friends place) and he opted to walk home 2 blocks (his mom was home alone and he said he hasnt been home for a weekend in a while) im thinking....like hell he is going home (bad bad bad i know)....another is his damn cell!!! friggan thing may as well be a part of his body...he always has it....and i think if he leave the room or goes down stairs he is making a "phone call to some girl".....last night when he came to walk me to my car he grabbed his keys....like why....was he planning on getting ri of me a hoping in is car off somewhere......those are basically the thing that worry me......i call his cell a get his vm quite a bit and he does have his moods...where he becomes distant or unaffrectionate than usual that last days sometimes weeks then he all lovey again. Can someone help me with this? I dont want to have suspicions, and i dont know if i should or not......i love him and I pray to god im just insecure and it isnt cheating. He is the love of my life....what are signs that he ISNT cheating? maybe i should be looking for those. I trust him i just want to trust him more. I dont trsut very many people in my life it is hard for me. PLease help me Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 6, 2004 Author Share Posted December 6, 2004 bump! Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 6, 2004 Author Share Posted December 6, 2004 Anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 6, 2004 Author Share Posted December 6, 2004 I have a real issue unlike Jessica !!!! Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 hmmm....i have the same issue too, but if i have a suspicion i will ask him about it... i dont care ill be upfront and callhim out on things... i look stupid b/c im usually wrong but that lets him know i got him on point and i wont let little things slide by me. if he goes to the bathroom ill look thru his phone to see if he calls other girls or girls callhim and check text messages...if i see something ill ask him about it... ill say' hun i was lookin to see if u got my message and well...whose this girl?' or something like that and he will explain and thats it. i know my b/f is all about me and doesnt want another girl- he'll say it, and show it.. every couple is different as well as every man so you never know when their honest or not... but if u have a feeling, act on it and talk to him.if he doesnt pick up when u call then id b suspicious...either he's w/ someone or he's sleeping or just busy... just leave a message and say babe its an emergency call meback in 10 min... or something like that...but u gotta catch a lie...its hard but sooner or later if he's cheating you'll catch him... i guess thats all i can say about this lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 6, 2004 Author Share Posted December 6, 2004 ya i guess u are right..............he just gets into these moods that last a week or so...and i dont know if its stress or what... he isnt want to pour out his feelings but he seems a bit distant, or annoyed and i think maybe he lost interest in me...what do i do..lay low for a while.........make him come to me????? grrrrrrrrrr men are moodier than women Link to post Share on other sites
Author hugznkisses21 Posted December 6, 2004 Author Share Posted December 6, 2004 bump! this is stressing me out! Link to post Share on other sites
HappyInNJ Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Wow, Where do I start? First of all, I can 100% understand your feelings after being burned. No one likes that, and no one deserves to have that done to them. Shakespeare had a quote that sums it up: "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned" You're only 22, and have your whole life ahead of you. From a male perspective, ( I'm married) when I was single and even now every so often, I run in to a woman who hates men, and thinks they are ALL liars and cheaters, and no good. Of course the good ones are right there in front of you. Woman Why do they have this attitude? Because they have been repeatedly burned, and to them, that's their impression of all men, and they just give up. If you do that to yourself, you are going to turn into one of those women. Do men cheat? Yes. Do women cheat, sure. Do all men and women cheat? NO! You two should have a heart to heart and get it all out in the open. If he is loving and caring like you mention, he should be willing to hear you out, and work with you what ever way he can to ease your worries. Jealousy, and mis-trust and clinging will kill any relationship you have. Let go, it happend in your past, don't let it affect you the way it is. If you have suspicions, then ask him about his cell phone. He sleeps over his mom's. Then call the next morning to tell him you love him. Let me tell you, my wife was the master. I have never in my life (even to this day) seen a woman come up with things to catch her past boyfirends in the act. She told me up front that she had been burned, and no to do that to her. I think women have that intuition when something is wrong, and I believe you would truly know, deep down inside. You mention that he likes to hang out and you butt heads. Everyone needs their space. I need mine, and you need yours. I would like to recommend an excellent book on realtionships. Read "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus" by John Gray. It really made sense to me about relating to a woman, likewise a woman to a man. You might then be able to see the reasons behind the things he or a future person do what they do. You're so young, and I would hate to see you that messed up that you may pass over the person of your dreams. Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Wren Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 I spent too many years in my early 20's hating men, in turn I wouldn't commit and I played around instead of trusting and taking a chance. I finally realize that hate, anger, distrust and suspect take up *far* too much energy. I'll admit I have trust issues, but if my husband wants to ruin the life we have by cheating on me, what can I really do about it? Hugs&Kisses, if you get burned. Get up, brush yourself off and toss your head. You're good s*** and if he doesn't want it, that's his loss. You can trust him and take a chance at happiness or you can spend all your time wondering and obsessing. Trust me, that'll just give you anxiety and uclers. If he's going to cheat, you can't stop him honey. Take care of yourself, love yourself and give your boyfriend a chance to show you he's for real. If he's not, then buh-bye. But don't let your fears take over. Link to post Share on other sites
HappyInNJ Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Touche' my friend! Link to post Share on other sites
MelWell Posted December 6, 2004 Share Posted December 6, 2004 Please, take it from me - who has wasted alot of time obsessing and worrying over whether or not i'm going to get hurt. At the end of the day, it turned out to be nothing - but if you let yourself get taken over by your worry, you really won't enjoy your relationship. It's all about risk, but keep your eyes open too in case you see something fishy. If you do, be open about it -COMMUNICATION is key. If you don't see anything, then stop obsessing about something that may not be there... my 2 cents. Link to post Share on other sites
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