Revenge or Warning?

[Rozanne]

Hi there! Great board, great advice. Hope you all can set me straight.

 

A few months ago, a guy approached me through a very popular Internet dating service. We emailed back and forth for a bit, then chatted via ICQ. Things seemed fine, we flirted a bit, but nothing outrageous. He said he travelled for business, but I was able to get some information so I ran a background check. We did talk on the phone, and made tentative plans to meet. (We live in different states.)Then things started getting strange.

 

First, he claimed someone hacked his account and sent out a message that he had an STD. I get this after hearing a good friend passed away, so naturally I'm upset.

 

We talked again via chat last week, and he was polite, asking if I was okay, ect.

 

Well, I come home to an email from him saying, "This will cheer you up." You get one guess what it was.

 

My response made it clear I didn't appreciate the "gifts". Once I found out they were from a porn site, that did it.

 

I'd been had, hoodwinked, snookered.

 

I'm ticked off.

 

I want to write my story and expose this idiot for what he is, but should I? There are probably legal questions to figure out, and such.

 

But I'd feel a lot better if just one other person doesn't fall for his mess.

 

It's not the money for the background check that bugs me, it's the emotional investment.

 

Thanks!

[Tony T]

The Internet and the frauds on it are bigger than all of us. It's really best if you just move on, having learned a majorly invaluable lesson.

 

This online thing is really strange. While there are a lot of wonderful success stories, there are probably and equal number of horror stories. I am sorry this happened to you.

 

I hope you took some time to let him know just how much this disturbed you. He may be a social retard who really didn't understand how inappropriate this was.

 

Forget this guy. It will serve no useful purpose to "expose him." It takes only seconds to assume a new online identity and do the same stuff again. On America Online, for instance, you can have up to seven screen names on one account. Additionally, you can change any or all of them in a matter of a few minutes.

 

Forget him and move on. You have acquired a greater knowledge of what can happen online and you can take the steps to prevent it. I strongly urge you to consider limiting your romantic pursuits on live, in the flesh humans in your area.

 

If you do meet guys online, don't mess with them unless they live in your area and you can confirm that by calling their home after knowing them online a short while. Even at that, be careful. And if thing start getting weird, like this STD thing, write them off...and change your own screen identity to reduce the chances they will mess with you again with a new identity of their own.

[Laurynn]

What did the "STD" email have to do with anything....are you saying that you received an email from his email address, looking like it was written by him, announcing that he had an STD?....but he chalked it up to someone hacking into his account and sending it "as him"?

 

As for the porn site thing..........are you saying that he sent you the address(es) (by email) of porn sites? (or what exactly)

 

When you did the background check on him, did thinks check out?

 

The "STD email".....what exactly did it say? Do you suspect that maybe he DID write it, but accidentally sent it to you instead of the person he'd intended to send it to?

 

If someone DID hack into his account (like say an ex girlfriend or CURRENT girlfriend who happened to get pissed when she found out he was communicating with you??), maybe they sent these things to make him look bad? (which worked)

 

Were there any other strange things?

 

Laurynn

[Rozanne]

Laurynn,

 

Sorry I wasn't clearer. Anger does that to you.

 

The STD message came from his account, but he claimed his ex-friend sent it out because he didn't pay for some work done on his home.

 

The message was that his ex-girlfriend called, tested positive for AIDS, he was tested and came back positive also. It ended by saying he was leaving the country for treatment. Two days later, he contacted me saying it was a hoax. I gave him benefit of a doubt because the writing style was different from his normal messages.

 

The porn thing: He didn't send the site address, he sent two photos. Someone I know asked me to forward the photos, and they confirmed it was from a porn site.

 

No faces in the photos made me question it to begin with. And he knew from the beginning that I wasn't into such nonsense.

 

Other strange things: The background check came back clean, but the date of birth I gave the service didn't match the results. So either they found the closest match, or the dob I had was false. Unfortunately I didn't have a Social Security Number, so there's no way to know for sure.

 

Certain things did match, such as his hometown, current city, name, general age, type of residence, siblings. No criminal record either.

 

We'd planned to meet, and he was in my area, but never called till after returning home. He kept "losing" my phone number.

 

As I said, I'm glad I did the background check, and didn't give out my main email addy or my street address.

[Rozanne]

Thanks Tony!

 

You're right. I've already cancelled my account with the service, and let them know why.

 

I've got too much to do to spend time dwelling, but this will become a short story of mine one day.

The Internet and the frauds on it are bigger than all of us. It's really best if you just move on, having learned a majorly invaluable lesson.

 

This online thing is really strange. While there are a lot of wonderful success stories, there are probably and equal number of horror stories. I am sorry this happened to you. I hope you took some time to let him know just how much this disturbed you. He may be a social retard who really didn't understand how inappropriate this was. Forget this guy. It will serve no useful purpose to "expose him." It takes only seconds to assume a new online identity and do the same stuff again. On America Online, for instance, you can have up to seven screen names on one account. Additionally, you can change any or all of them in a matter of a few minutes. Forget him and move on. You have acquired a greater knowledge of what can happen online and you can take the steps to prevent it. I strongly urge you to consider limiting your romantic pursuits on live, in the flesh humans in your area. If you do meet guys online, don't mess with them unless they live in your area and you can confirm that by calling their home after knowing them online a short while. Even at that, be careful. And if thing start getting weird, like this STD thing, write them off...and change your own screen identity to reduce the chances they will mess with you again with a new identity of their own.

 

[WGirl]

At least you found out before you met him in person. I wish I could give you more advice on what to do. Maybe you could contact the webmaster of the service you were using and let them know what was going on.

 

Another thing, if you were to publish a story somewhere.

 

The only way he could try to sue you or something is if you published something untrue about him.

Laurynn, Sorry I wasn't clearer. Anger does that to you. The STD message came from his account, but he claimed his ex-friend sent it out because he didn't pay for some work done on his home. The message was that his ex-girlfriend called, tested positive for AIDS, he was tested and came back positive also. It ended by saying he was leaving the country for treatment. Two days later, he contacted me saying it was a hoax. I gave him benefit of a doubt because the writing style was different from his normal messages. The porn thing: He didn't send the site address, he sent two photos. Someone I know asked me to forward the photos, and they confirmed it was from a porn site. No faces in the photos made me question it to begin with. And he knew from the beginning that I wasn't into such nonsense. Other strange things: The background check came back clean, but the date of birth I gave the service didn't match the results. So either they found the closest match, or the dob I had was false. Unfortunately I didn't have a Social Security Number, so there's no way to know for sure. Certain things did match, such as his hometown, current city, name, general age, type of residence, siblings. No criminal record either. We'd planned to meet, and he was in my area, but never called till after returning home. He kept "losing" my phone number. As I said, I'm glad I did the background check, and didn't give out my main email addy or my street address.

[Rozanne]

I've already let him go and moving on. =)

 

Thanks for the support.

At least you found out before you met him in person. I wish I could give you more advice on what to do. Maybe you could contact the webmaster of the service you were using and let them know what was going on. Another thing, if you were to publish a story somewhere. The only way he could try to sue you or something is if you published something untrue about him.